We had a heart to heart discussion, and revisited it a few times along the way, that our DC could apply anywhere he wanted. However, the net costs had to be similar to an in-state public. When all the results came in, the net costs of attendance ranged from $15k - $60k at a range of public (both in and out of state) and privates. While I was worried whether he had really heard the message, he had no problem crossing off the couple that were way out of the range (NPC calculators were way off) and made a smart financial choice that would leave some money left over for studying abroad, etc. Surprisingly, he had both an out-of-state public and a two privates that were less than or equal to the cost of some in-state publics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP that you need to correct your messaging. You told her not to worry about college costs, so she thinks everything is on the table. It sounds like what you mean is that you can afford to send her someplace where she can get a very good education, but you don't necessarily want to stretch yourself financially unless you feel that the more expensive option will lead to significantly better outcomes for your daughter. You need to have a more nuanced conversation and be direct and real about what the more expensive options mean for your family finances.

OP didn't say that.

OP is considering paying for the more expensive option and wants her child to "factor in the cost of attending" that suggests that there is a scenario in which the more expensive school would be an option.

Where did OP say that?

At the beginning of the college search, there's nothing wrong with telling a student to just try to figure out what they like without worrying too much about costs - maybe this is what OP had in mind when guiding her DD. If BC is out of reach financially, maybe there is another urban Catholic school that would work. A 16 year old should be able to grasp the concept of income, savings and the fact that neither are infinite amounts. I don't see why it would be a sensitive subject and hopefully you haven't raised a child who would expect you to sell your house to pay for her college.

Personally, I gave my kids a budget from the beginning, but neither one was going to lean towards the super expensive elite schools anyway. Both would rather save some of their 529 funds for grad school.

I don't see OP as "complaining" but instead bringing her concern. OP, people are right: you need to have a frank talk with your DD about what your budget is for her college, and she needs to factor that in when deciding where to apply. She should NOT go into debt with lots of loans, if she can possibly avoid it, and you should not take on a lot of debt to fund her college. (It's better for her if you are financially independent all the way through your old age.) Have her talk to adults you know who are still paying off their student loans.

Have the discussion asap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP that you need to correct your messaging. You told her not to worry about college costs, so she thinks everything is on the table. It sounds like what you mean is that you can afford to send her someplace where she can get a very good education, but you don't necessarily want to stretch yourself financially unless you feel that the more expensive option will lead to significantly better outcomes for your daughter. You need to have a more nuanced conversation and be direct and real about what the more expensive options mean for your family finances.

OP didn't say that.

OP is considering paying for the more expensive option and wants her child to "factor in the cost of attending" that suggests that there is a scenario in which the more expensive school would be an option.

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

First, you are complaining that your daughter is not considering the precise thing you have always told her not to consider. That is unfair and frankly, idiotic.

Second, if you make enough that need-based aid will be limited, I simply do not believe that you cannot afford BC without selling your house. Also, based on your post, you have saved slightly over $100,000 in her 529. If you indeed make enough that need-based aid will be minimal, you have dramatically undersaved in the 529 (all while telling her to not worry about costs). That's on you.

Third, if you want her to graduate debt-free, you take out the loans to pay for the difference.

This happens often and the main reason is the parents have long been putting up a front of being able to afford everything and keeping up with the Jonesesesses

Bottom line is you can't afford most schools without aid and that is fine, don't be ashamed by it. Tech is a totally fine school, completely different than BC, BC is very nice full of rich kids who have parents that are probably overextended to make it work for them.

The main reason community colleges are growing in popularity is exactly because of people like you but also many of the people would never imagine sending their precious snowflake to a community college because people will think you are not as well off as you make it seem or that your kid is not smart enough to attend a 4 year school.

What is the goal, debt free after college or approval by your peers? I pick debt free and my kids and I went to community college first and on to a 4 year school and had no debt upon graduation.

your 529 will grow another 2 years if they attend community college because of the low cost and then you have plenty for the other 2 years and probably some grad school.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the PP that you need to correct your messaging. You told her not to worry about college costs, so she thinks everything is on the table. It sounds like what you mean is that you can afford to send her someplace where she can get a very good education, but you don't necessarily want to stretch yourself financially unless you feel that the more expensive option will lead to significantly better outcomes for your daughter. You need to have a more nuanced conversation and be direct and real about what the more expensive options mean for your family finances.

OP didn't say that.

Anonymous wrote:I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)

You told her not to worry about college costs, but did you tell her that you have a budget and that she cannot exceed it?

If you haven't told her that, you need to do so now.

If you can pay a bit more than what VT costs (but not what BC costs), then consider looking at privates that offer merit aid. If you qualify for some need-based aid, then between that and the merit aid, you might be able to swing it.

I agree with the PP that you need to correct your messaging. You told her not to worry about college costs, so she thinks everything is on the table. It sounds like what you mean is that you can afford to send her someplace where she can get a very good education, but you don't necessarily want to stretch yourself financially unless you feel that the more expensive option will lead to significantly better outcomes for your daughter. You need to have a more nuanced conversation and be direct and real about what the more expensive options mean for your family finances.

"Dad" in the title was an autocorrect, no?
OP, you have "always" told you DD not to worry about the cost of college. So she isn't. How can you complain about that? Maybe your message all along should have been, "Don't worry about the cost of in-state tuition, we can manage that" if that is what you wanted to convey.

Anonymous wrote:What is your dad’s role? Is he paying for college?

So you’ve told your DD not to worry about the cost of college and now she isn’t worried about the cost of college? Sounds like you need to change your messaging pretty quickly.

.

She probably typed DD and it autocorrected to dad.

What is your dad’s role? Is he paying for college?

So you’ve told your DD not to worry about the cost of college and now she isn’t worried about the cost of college? Sounds like you need to change your messaging pretty quickly.

If you haven't already, I think you need to reveal your family's finances to your child. How much income you make, how much savings, balance of 529, what your monthly budget is/expenses are.

Then complete the online net price calculator for both schools WITH her which will lay out the difference in cost to YOUR specific family.

Finally, you need to discuss your goal of having her graduate debt free. She may not share that goal, and that's something to discuss.

If she insists that she will borrow for her own education to bridge the gap, make sure she knows that a first-year student cannot borrow more than $5500 per year in any event without a parent co-signing.

I always told DD not to worry about college costs, but my junior Dd, 1400 SATs, 4.2 w gpa is not factoring the cost of attending college. The comparison of Va Tech (26k) vs bc (73k) is huge. I make enough that need based aid will be limited. I want her to graduate debt free.

Between her 529 and other savings, we can handle Tech with minimal lifestyle changes. The private’s will not be attainable without significant changes (selling house)