Anonymous wrote:"This makes no sense. They look for continued commitment to an activity for well-roundedness. Quitting wipes it out almost entirely. She may as well have not done it ever. I vote for powering through and not letting a growth spurt and fear of not being as good turn her off of an activity she otherwise loves. You don't have to be the best, or even good: you have to put yourself out there are do your best. Could make for a good introspective essay too: "The Year I was Benched."

I spent quite a while trying to convey this this succinctly.

Please, please, please follow this advice and don't ruin your DD's opportunity to learn possibly the most important of life's lessons.

What makes you so certain that the important life lesson is "powering through"? Why not "utilizing your resources appropriately to optimize the outcome"? Just curious. OP.

"This makes no sense. They look for continued commitment to an activity for well-roundedness. Quitting wipes it out almost entirely. She may as well have not done it ever. I vote for powering through and not letting a growth spurt and fear of not being as good turn her off of an activity she otherwise loves. You don't have to be the best, or even good: you have to put yourself out there are do your best. Could make for a good introspective essay too: "The Year I was Benched."

I spent quite a while trying to convey this this succinctly.

Please, please, please follow this advice and don't ruin your DD's opportunity to learn possibly the most important of life's lessons.

You are all crazy. If she wants to continue because she likes it, and you can afford the 5K to keep playing, let her play. This attitude toward doing everything as it relates to college admissions is kind of silly and overblown. Yes, it is super hard to get into college - if she the academics to Ivy League, it won't matter if she does sport, theater, academic team or whatever as long as she does something - which seems like she wants to do that!

Anonymous wrote: This makes no sense. They look for continued commitment to an activity for well-roundedness. Quitting wipes it out almost entirely. She may as well have not done it ever. I vote for powering through and not letting a growth spurt and fear of not being as good turn her off of an activity she otherwise loves. You don't have to be the best, or even good: you have to put yourself out there are do your best. Could make for a good introspective essay too: "The Year I was Benched."

Good perspective, thank you. I appreciate that viewpoint.

Anonymous wrote: Being on an "academic team," even if it wins, isn't going to be the thing that secures her a spot in an elite college either. I feel bad for you kid. Sounds like she's headed to some sort of therapy as a young adult regardless.

There is not any one thing that secures anyone's spot in an elite college today, for sure.

As for therapy as a young adult... she may well need it for many reasons, or not at all. There is nothing horrible happening. It will be a function of her fragility. Some people are more fragile, some are less. She is actually very resilient.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quitting or continuing a sport isn't going to be the difference maker for college admissions. Kids change as do interests but that doesn't sound like the situation here.

If the family can no longer afford for her to participate in the sport, then tell her that, and deal with the disappointment and fallout (and maybe sock that $4K in a 529 for her).

But advising or requiring your daughter to quit something she loves (that you can still, probably afford) because she isn't doing as well relative to other competitors sounds awful OP. The whole notion of strategizing or optimizing is really off-putting OP. You compete in sports to be healthy, to make friends and to improve, not just win.

Also - FWIW donut hole families are far more likely to get financial aid and scholarship money at the next level down of colleges, not Ivy-grade ones. Broaden your thinking.

Yes, it's awful, but you and I both know that if she put that 15-20 hours per week onto some academic team, she'll probably win something, which WILL count towards admission, and is basically free of cost to the family. As is, she is wasting her time and our money. I don't think I should say it to her like that, though. Kids are fragile, and studios do all they can to hold on to all of them for $$$, so they tell kids their potential unrealistically.

Hopefully she'll just see it for herself by spring.

Being on an "academic team," even if it wins, isn't going to be the thing that secures her a spot in an elite college either. I feel bad for you kid. Sounds like she's headed to some sort of therapy as a young adult regardless.

Anonymous wrote:Unless your child is a recruited athlete at the college she wants to attend then participation in a sport carries the same weight in college admissions as any other EC of equivalent commitment. A letter from a HS or club coach is irrelevant in college admissions and in college recruiting for sports.

Good to know re: letter! Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:Quitting or continuing a sport isn't going to be the difference maker for college admissions. Kids change as do interests but that doesn't sound like the situation here.

If the family can no longer afford for her to participate in the sport, then tell her that, and deal with the disappointment and fallout (and maybe sock that $4K in a 529 for her).

But advising or requiring your daughter to quit something she loves (that you can still, probably afford) because she isn't doing as well relative to other competitors sounds awful OP. The whole notion of strategizing or optimizing is really off-putting OP. You compete in sports to be healthy, to make friends and to improve, not just win.

Also - FWIW donut hole families are far more likely to get financial aid and scholarship money at the next level down of colleges, not Ivy-grade ones. Broaden your thinking.

Yes, it's awful, but you and I both know that if she put that 15-20 hours per week onto some academic team, she'll probably win something, which WILL count towards admission, and is basically free of cost to the family. As is, she is wasting her time and our money. I don't think I should say it to her like that, though. Kids are fragile, and studios do all they can to hold on to all of them for $$$, so they tell kids their potential unrealistically.

Hopefully she'll just see it for herself by spring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she trying to get an athletic scholarship, or just be on the team? Or is she just trying to demonstrate her well-roundedness?

All of the above, as much as possible. I know it sounds like an open answer, but it is also the true one. There are some schools which give scholarships for this activity. There are schools which admit students preferentially to have them on the team. There are schools that use this activity and the achievements within that activity to put that well-rounded "checkmark" on the resume.

I think her achievements up until now have met the "well-rounded" checkmark, which is why I think she should quit while she is ahead.

I don't know if her level would continue being good enough to "be on the team" or for preferential admission.

This makes no sense. They look for continued commitment to an activity for well-roundedness. Quitting wipes it out almost entirely. She may as well have not done it ever. I vote for powering through and not letting a growth spurt and fear of not being as good turn her off of an activity she otherwise loves. You don't have to be the best, or even good: you have to put yourself out there are do your best. Could make for a good introspective essay too: "The Year I was Benched."

Unless your child is a recruited athlete at the college she wants to attend then participation in a sport carries the same weight in college admissions as any other EC of equivalent commitment. A letter from a HS or club coach is irrelevant in college admissions and in college recruiting for sports.

Anonymous wrote:Is she trying to get an athletic scholarship, or just be on the team? Or is she just trying to demonstrate her well-roundedness?

All of the above, as much as possible. I know it sounds like an open answer, but it is also the true one. There are some schools which give scholarships for this activity. There are schools which admit students preferentially to have them on the team. There are schools that use this activity and the achievements within that activity to put that well-rounded "checkmark" on the resume.

I think her achievements up until now have met the "well-rounded" checkmark, which is why I think she should quit while she is ahead.

I don't know if her level would continue being good enough to "be on the team" or for preferential admission.

Quitting or continuing a sport isn't going to be the difference maker for college admissions. Kids change as do interests but that doesn't sound like the situation here.

If the family can no longer afford for her to participate in the sport, then tell her that, and deal with the disappointment and fallout (and maybe sock that $4K in a 529 for her).

But advising or requiring your daughter to quit something she loves (that you can still, probably afford) because she isn't doing as well relative to other competitors sounds awful OP. The whole notion of strategizing or optimizing is really off-putting OP. You compete in sports to be healthy, to make friends and to improve, not just win.

Also - FWIW donut hole families are far more likely to get financial aid and scholarship money at the next level down of colleges, not Ivy-grade ones. Broaden your thinking.

Is she trying to get an athletic scholarship, or just be on the team? Or is she just trying to demonstrate her well-roundedness?

This is one of her first big decisions ... will she choose to remain on the team if she is consistently on the sidelines. I think you pay whether she's good or not. It doesn't sound like paying is a hardship, you're merely trying to maximize the finances. I understand that. And I understand wanting to give your DD the best possible college admission results. But this should really not be about college admission results. It's hard to accept that.

My DD has been participating in a sport since she was 5 years old. She is a 10th grader with a strong academic record (4.0, taking several APs this year, reputable high school). Financially, we are a "donut hole" family.

DD has achieved good results in her sport in Junior HS and last year. However, with a growth spurt and a greater focus on school, she is not doing as well in the activity this year. It is my best guess is that she will be progressively sidelined in her activity next year because she is not meeting certain milestones. We spend 5K per year on the activity; that is our only extracurricular expenditure.

She loves her activity as much as ever.

What would you as a parent do to optimize this situation?
When your children applied to Ivy-grade colleges, did they typically request a letter from a coach? Is that letter worth another 5K next year and 5K the year after, or is it only a letter that's worth it if the child is a starter / well regarded?
Would a university consider quitting a long-term sport like that a bad decision? What about going from 15-20 hours per week to 2 hours per week or something, just a placeholder?
Were you ever in that situation, and if so, how did your child react to that family conversation? I mean, I would rather pay 5K to her extracurricular than to a mental health therapist, hands down, but is that truly the choice I have here?