It doesn't sound like you are taking responsibility for your actions at all. You want to feel like you are, but you aren't. Let me guess
.. Affair with your secretary?

If you had an affair, you need to own that you are the kind of person who is capable of long'term emotional manipulation, lies, and mental abuse. Because that is what it was. Nothing ever justifies cheating. Trying to say "but she X, y, or z" is like saying "I raped her because she was drinking and wearing a shirt skirt." no one is responsible for your actions but YOU.

She sounds smart to have gotten rid of you.

Anonymous wrote:Better that than playing the victim like my friend does. Makes out he is the victim but already after four months of separation is banging out the brains of another woman and saying it is love.

What does one have to do with another?

Better that than playing the victim like my friend does. Makes out he is the victim but already after four months of separation is banging out the brains of another woman and saying it is love.

I'm at peace with the decision, now I just have to get through the negotiations. He has ridden the high life at my expense for 20 years, and continuing to try to get as much out of me as possible in our agreement. Will be totally relieved for this to be over.

I was at peace with my decision to divorce because I waited until my youngest kid was out of high school and I asked my H if he wanted to try counseling, which he declined ("I'm not going to change, I doubt you will either, so what's the point?") so I felt it was time. No regrets at all. He and I are friends. Married 25 years, divorced 20.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing helps you move on like losing respect for someone.

Yes, that was a secondary effect of finding out she was texting her coworker and planning to have sex.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, focus less on your words and more on your behavior. It seems a little gross that you are trying to apologize via the DCUM forum -- like you know your wife won't believe you, so you want strokes and praise from others who say they believe you.

DW will believe it when you show her consistently over time that you will put the needs of the children and her before your own and that you are showing up without needing to be begged by anyone.

The most important thing you can do is to make sure you support her professionally in every way possible. You sucked that up from her all those years with your tremendously important job and now you must pay her back so she can grow professionally.

It sounds like you cheated and are justifying it and blaming her.

Honestly, focus less on your words and more on your behavior. It seems a little gross that you are trying to apologize via the DCUM forum -- like you know your wife won't believe you, so you want strokes and praise from others who say they believe you.

DW will believe it when you show her consistently over time that you will put the needs of the children and her before your own and that you are showing up without needing to be begged by anyone.

The most important thing you can do is to make sure you support her professionally in every way possible. You sucked that up from her all those years with your tremendously important job and now you must pay her back so she can grow professionally.

When I realized that the man I married would rather lie to friends about me, steal my money, not pay child support, evade sharing any financial responsibility to our kid but tells everyone I'm the bitter crazy ex. Nothing helps you move on like losing respect for someone.

It was his sheer cruelty toward the older child while I was on bedrest with the second. As soon as I had the doctor’s okay to leave home, I saw a lawyer. No guilt or second guessing.

Definitely get therapy. And while the comment above is nice, not everyone finds someone new, you can't expect that you will. Read any thread with vitriol towards single moms and you'll see why (although I haven't seen single dads spoken of the same way)

OP, your home can be full of love once again. Although it is tough to realize now; you can find a willing, committed and love partner again. Life is about change and transformation.

Accept, heal and move on!

A close friend with 2 kids divorced recently. The moment of peace came when she acknowledged that the marriage was irreparably damaged and she decided to grab the bull by the horns and take steps to formally end it. It’s natural to try to stick it out for the kids’ sake, but rarely in their best interest.

She was done with me a long time ago, but I needed a while to come to terms with it.

When I realized she was texting her coworker and getting ready to have sex with him, at last I was at peace with drawing up the papers.

I read many posts that deal with spouses that had cheated, had emotionally checked out of marriages, are not happy for whatever the reason or simply they have grown apart. After 18 years of marriage, I am at peace with the pending divorce with my DW. I came to the conclusion that the gift of being able to look within, realize that divorce is never black and white, and take some accountability for my contribution to the demise of my marriage. And I believe that having the ability to admit some fault is the difference between not only moving on. Divorce sucks. I did a lot of the wrong things in my marriage and don’t blame her for tapping out. I own it. I do wish however she stayed to see my transformation and give us another chance. I hate that we can’t be together as a family with the kids. I hate some other male figure will be in my kids lives. But I did it and own it. At least I am becoming a better person as a result.

Unsure what comments will be provided (good or bad), but I realize the kids and the happiness of my DW are the priorities. I am a male who has worked lots of hours in a stressful profession that required many long days, weekends, holidays, and birthdays. So I missed the important days in the lives of my kids and DW, not including be supportive of the DW when you asked for support for profession and around the house. The difficult part is knowing that the kids will not have a home of two parents. And this hurts tremendously but I am aware of my fault that lead to divorce. If I know my DW, she is out reading stories on this forum. Just know - the man you married a long time ago is changing and will change for the love of our children. When did anyone feel at peace with themselves that divorce is ok?