Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 19:27     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
What would you say? I would not contact the parents unless you need to coordinate something. You may need to talk if they want to go to the movies or mall together. Otherwise don’t. It may be over soon. I would have hid eberyofrom my parents if they reached out to contact the parents of my 7th grade boyfriend. I think it lasted a couple of weeks and we held hands a few times.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 13:40     Subject: Re:If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mom of HS girl with BF. The reason to reach out is to make sure they do not have access to an empty house. That can be embarrassing to bring up given that they ar 13. I think you could do it once they are hanging out at your house or hers. Until then, if they are in public only, maybe too awkward. You’d say “ i’ve noticd our kids are hanging out. Our family rule is that DS may not be in co-ed hangouts in houses where no parent is present. So far, they seem to be only interested in hanging out in groups or . . . But I wanted to pass on my number so you had it.” Kind of tough to send I think.

In contrast, if you wait until they are at some point hanging at your house, you could deliver the same message as a confirmation that you will be home and happy to host them. If they go on a one-on-one date to the movies, I also think it’s fine to send a note confirming what you understand the plan is.


Dont you do the same when they are at a house with somebody of their same gender or of the gender which they are not attracted? to make sure they are not drinking?


You don't allow your child to be at a friend's house unless the friend's parents are there?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 13:36     Subject: Re:If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mom of HS girl with BF. The reason to reach out is to make sure they do not have access to an empty house. That can be embarrassing to bring up given that they ar 13. I think you could do it once they are hanging out at your house or hers. Until then, if they are in public only, maybe too awkward. You’d say “ i’ve noticd our kids are hanging out. Our family rule is that DS may not be in co-ed hangouts in houses where no parent is present. So far, they seem to be only interested in hanging out in groups or . . . But I wanted to pass on my number so you had it.” Kind of tough to send I think.

In contrast, if you wait until they are at some point hanging at your house, you could deliver the same message as a confirmation that you will be home and happy to host them. If they go on a one-on-one date to the movies, I also think it’s fine to send a note confirming what you understand the plan is.


Dont you do the same when they are at a house with somebody of their same gender or of the gender which they are not attracted? to make sure they are not drinking?


Not always. For instance, if it's a Sunday afternoon and she's walking to a neighbor's house (one I know well and with whom she's been friends for 10 years) to borrow a sweatshirt and help a friend with homework, I'm not going to make that call. Luckily BF is a long drive away and they don't drive, so I know when they are getting together (at least for a few more months until they have DLs.)
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 13:34     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. How invasive and embarrassing for the kids. It’s texting, not sex or drugs.


Two 7th graders were just busted at my niece's school for sexual activity. It wasn't intercourse, just a handjob, but still. And that was AT school.


Unless one of them was OP's child, how is this relevant? And how would touching base with the other child prevent this from happening AT school?


^^^with the other child's parents
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 13:23     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. How invasive and embarrassing for the kids. It’s texting, not sex or drugs.


Two 7th graders were just busted at my niece's school for sexual activity. It wasn't intercourse, just a handjob, but still. And that was AT school.


Unless one of them was OP's child, how is this relevant? And how would touching base with the other child prevent this from happening AT school?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 13:03     Subject: Re:If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:Mom of HS girl with BF. The reason to reach out is to make sure they do not have access to an empty house. That can be embarrassing to bring up given that they ar 13. I think you could do it once they are hanging out at your house or hers. Until then, if they are in public only, maybe too awkward. You’d say “ i’ve noticd our kids are hanging out. Our family rule is that DS may not be in co-ed hangouts in houses where no parent is present. So far, they seem to be only interested in hanging out in groups or . . . But I wanted to pass on my number so you had it.” Kind of tough to send I think.

In contrast, if you wait until they are at some point hanging at your house, you could deliver the same message as a confirmation that you will be home and happy to host them. If they go on a one-on-one date to the movies, I also think it’s fine to send a note confirming what you understand the plan is.


Dont you do the same when they are at a house with somebody of their same gender or of the gender which they are not attracted? to make sure they are not drinking?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 12:37     Subject: Re:If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Mom of HS girl with BF. The reason to reach out is to make sure they do not have access to an empty house. That can be embarrassing to bring up given that they ar 13. I think you could do it once they are hanging out at your house or hers. Until then, if they are in public only, maybe too awkward. You’d say “ i’ve noticd our kids are hanging out. Our family rule is that DS may not be in co-ed hangouts in houses where no parent is present. So far, they seem to be only interested in hanging out in groups or . . . But I wanted to pass on my number so you had it.” Kind of tough to send I think.

In contrast, if you wait until they are at some point hanging at your house, you could deliver the same message as a confirmation that you will be home and happy to host them. If they go on a one-on-one date to the movies, I also think it’s fine to send a note confirming what you understand the plan is.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 12:22     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:No. How invasive and embarrassing for the kids. It’s texting, not sex or drugs.


Two 7th graders were just busted at my niece's school for sexual activity. It wasn't intercourse, just a handjob, but still. And that was AT school.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 12:22     Subject: Re:If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
If my mom ever contacted the parents of crushes i had in Jr high you can be dang sure she would never know about another for as long as she lived.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 11:58     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
No. How invasive and embarrassing for the kids. It’s texting, not sex or drugs.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 08:59     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "meme love language" ?!?


They send each other pictures of memes, quote memes, etc. frankly I can’t understand half of what they are saying.

Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 08:26     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
What do you mean by "meme love language" ?!?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 08:20     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Anonymous wrote:Do you touch base with her parents?

The kids are exchanging long (mostly in meme love language) text exchanges all afternoon and are definitely “hanging out” together on weekends.

I know who her parents are from elementary school so could easily reach out, but wonder if this is weird. This is a new development for us.

My son is pretty secretive about this ; I just know what’s going on because I have access to his (my) phone.

I lean towards reaching out to them to touch base, just as I would to the parents of anyone he is hanging out with a lot. Does that make sense? Or are 7th grade affairs so fickle and potentially embarrassing as to not bother?



And say what?

Do you know the parents of all of your 7th-grader's good friends? I don't. My parents didn't either, when I was in 7th grade. I don't think it would even have occurred to them.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 08:19     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
No, I would definitely touch base with the parents. Actually, I'm surprised they haven't reached out by now - perhaps this girl is more successful at hiding things.

It's not wrong that a teen have a romantic attachment - there just needs to be boundaries put in place, and for that to happen, parents need to talk to each other and to their kids - even if they embarrass the hell out of them
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 08:15     Subject: If your 13yo ds is texting/hanging out with a girl
Do you touch base with her parents?

The kids are exchanging long (mostly in meme love language) text exchanges all afternoon and are definitely “hanging out” together on weekends.

I know who her parents are from elementary school so could easily reach out, but wonder if this is weird. This is a new development for us.

My son is pretty secretive about this ; I just know what’s going on because I have access to his (my) phone.

I lean towards reaching out to them to touch base, just as I would to the parents of anyone he is hanging out with a lot. Does that make sense? Or are 7th grade affairs so fickle and potentially embarrassing as to not bother?