Anonymous
11/30/2018 21:57
Subject: Re:If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:If you stay with a cheater it's a fake marriage. People weigh their options, sometimes it's better to stay if the finances are good and the kids are under one roof. I've seen that with friends whereas years ago I would say divorce. Who wants steps? I know some that fake it to the point the cheater thinks they are forgiven, when in reality the other spouse can't stand them. People who cheat rob themselves as well imo.
Sure Jan.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 21:33
Subject: Re:If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you stay with a cheater it's a fake marriage. People weigh their options, sometimes it's better to stay if the finances are good and the kids are under one roof. I've seen that with friends whereas years ago I would say divorce. Who wants steps? I know some that fake it to the point the cheater thinks they are forgiven, when in reality the other spouse can't stand them. People who cheat rob themselves as well imo.
And vice versa. The spouse sometimes things the cheater still loves them, when in reality they don't.
Why would the cheater stay then, when they could be with their soul mate (AP)?
Anonymous
11/30/2018 18:31
Subject: Re:If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:If you stay with a cheater it's a fake marriage. People weigh their options, sometimes it's better to stay if the finances are good and the kids are under one roof. I've seen that with friends whereas years ago I would say divorce. Who wants steps? I know some that fake it to the point the cheater thinks they are forgiven, when in reality the other spouse can't stand them. People who cheat rob themselves as well imo.
And vice versa. The spouse sometimes things the cheater still loves them, when in reality they don't.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 16:03
Subject: Re:If your marriage survived infidelity
If you stay with a cheater it's a fake marriage. People weigh their options, sometimes it's better to stay if the finances are good and the kids are under one roof. I've seen that with friends whereas years ago I would say divorce. Who wants steps? I know some that fake it to the point the cheater thinks they are forgiven, when in reality the other spouse can't stand them. People who cheat rob themselves as well imo.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 15:58
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
Do you think things are different in an “emotional” affair that doesn’t turn sexual? Does the cheater’s ability to lie/compartmentalize/justify negate the possibility of reconciliation? Or can a cheater learn from the experience and change?
Anonymous
11/30/2018 15:52
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
I don't actually think that marriages survive it. The cheater doesn't really want to change. I think the cheated upon wants to believe that they are still loved and cherished but the cheater just doesn't want to change the status quo.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 15:01
Subject: Re:If your marriage survived infidelity
We had only been married two years before my wife had an affair with someone at work that she said she felt some career pressure to have. She quit the job and we underwent six months of counseling and I felt we were making very good progress in part because she felt she had been pressured to have the affair and had quit the job to restart her career and our marriage. Well, it turned out she had been forced out of the job but was still screwing the guy all during the time we were having counseling. I really thought our marriage would survive but it's hard to change a zebra's stripes. That was 20 years ago and I met and married a wonderful woman and my ex had been through two more husbands....I wonder why?
Anonymous
11/30/2018 11:32
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For those that survived cheating, are we talking about a one-off occurrence, perhaps 2? Or an affair of some duration (1 month, 6 months, a year, etc)?
My DW had an extra marital affair for over 4 months. After long discussions, we decided for marital counseling because we did have a genuine love between us and for the kids. It has been difficult because my DW was first open to marital counseling but was afraid to address the issues. It has worked in an open forum to address the issues we had and I do not regret my decision because I do love her on an "emotional" level. The real difficult part was the feelings she was dealing with during the extra marital affair and the lies she said that impact our family and kids. Marriage is hard but I know (and have faith) that our relationship will be stronger. I have learned a lot about my DW after I healed over the AP.
Are you still in counseling? How long have you been in counseling (or were you)?
Still in counseling. It has been over 6 months of intense marital counseling first a month by myself until my DW by her choice starting coming. One of the biggest eye openers was that I could not fix my marriage alone. My DW had to be willing to open up to all the counseling (the good and the bad action of the consequences) to come to an understanding of what as a couple we need to work on to be successful. It was difficult at the start but an eye opening to understand the importance of the emotional connection with the DW and to have alone time with her as well. With busy schedules of work and kids, priority for the wife has to be first. I have faith my DW and I will be fine but it takes a lot of hard work.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 11:15
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For those that survived cheating, are we talking about a one-off occurrence, perhaps 2? Or an affair of some duration (1 month, 6 months, a year, etc)?
My DW had an extra marital affair for over 4 months. After long discussions, we decided for marital counseling because we did have a genuine love between us and for the kids. It has been difficult because my DW was first open to marital counseling but was afraid to address the issues. It has worked in an open forum to address the issues we had and I do not regret my decision because I do love her on an "emotional" level. The real difficult part was the feelings she was dealing with during the extra marital affair and the lies she said that impact our family and kids. Marriage is hard but I know (and have faith) that our relationship will be stronger. I have learned a lot about my DW after I healed over the AP.
Are you still in counseling? How long have you been in counseling (or were you)?
Anonymous
11/30/2018 10:12
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:For those that survived cheating, are we talking about a one-off occurrence, perhaps 2? Or an affair of some duration (1 month, 6 months, a year, etc)?
My DW had an extra marital affair for over 4 months. After long discussions, we decided for marital counseling because we did have a genuine love between us and for the kids. It has been difficult because my DW was first open to marital counseling but was afraid to address the issues. It has worked in an open forum to address the issues we had and I do not regret my decision because I do love her on an "emotional" level. The real difficult part was the feelings she was dealing with during the extra marital affair and the lies she said that impact our family and kids. Marriage is hard but I know (and have faith) that our relationship will be stronger. I have learned a lot about my DW after I healed over the AP.
Good for you. My exDW had an AP that basically lasted over a year...while we tried to reconcile, repeatedly. Went to counseling, etc., but at the end of the day, she fell out of love for me and in love for her AP.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 10:06
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
Anonymous wrote:For those that survived cheating, are we talking about a one-off occurrence, perhaps 2? Or an affair of some duration (1 month, 6 months, a year, etc)?
My DW had an extra marital affair for over 4 months. After long discussions, we decided for marital counseling because we did have a genuine love between us and for the kids. It has been difficult because my DW was first open to marital counseling but was afraid to address the issues. It has worked in an open forum to address the issues we had and I do not regret my decision because I do love her on an "emotional" level. The real difficult part was the feelings she was dealing with during the extra marital affair and the lies she said that impact our family and kids. Marriage is hard but I know (and have faith) that our relationship will be stronger. I have learned a lot about my DW after I healed over the AP.
Anonymous
11/30/2018 09:33
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
For those that survived cheating, are we talking about a one-off occurrence, perhaps 2? Or an affair of some duration (1 month, 6 months, a year, etc)?
Anonymous
11/30/2018 09:27
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
She cheated before marriage during a rocky time. I cheated during marriage as revenge and a bad time in my life (alcohol, feelings of inadequacy). We’re still together. But as the above poster said...trust isn’t. Relationship more open than ever, but there is always that 1 percent of doubt
Anonymous
11/30/2018 07:43
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
Survived but total trust has never regenerated.
Anonymous
11/29/2018 23:27
Subject: If your marriage survived infidelity
How did it work? How did you decide to try? And if you’re still married, is there genuine trust again? Do you regret staying or think you made the right decision?