Anonymous wrote:Funny that you think it is in the child's best interest to have to live in a different house each week --- or live out of a suitcase shifting back and forth every 2-3 days. Who would want to live like a nomad? It would be incredibly disruptive. Your child could have a lot more stability living primarily in one home. The other parent (who has secondary custody/time) can still have a positive relationship with the child. [OK, so you're totally willing for the non-custodial parent to be you, right? No wait, there are a million reasons why you can't be the "secondary" parent. But thanks for your transparently dishonest rationalization for why you should get everything you want.]

From my observations, the dad fights for 50/50 custody to avoid paying child support. It is always about the money....and usually means the child will pay the price in stress....if the kid has to shuffle back and forth constantly. [From my observation, women fight for full custody because they want to milk more child support out of the dad. It is always about the money, and these women couldn't care less that reduction in the father's role has a profoundly negative influence on the children]

The parents are the ones who gave up on the marriage...why should the kid be inconvenienced and stressed and have to live out of a suitcase b/c the parents couldn't get their act together? [Don't pretend this is about anything other than YOUR convenience and what YOU want.]

Anonymous wrote:Funny that you think it is in the child's best interest to have to live in a different house each week --- or live out of a suitcase shifting back and forth every 2-3 days. Who would want to live like a nomad? It would be incredibly disruptive. Your child could have a lot more stability living primarily in one home. The other parent (who has secondary custody/time) can still have a positive relationship with the child.

From my observations, the dad fights for 50/50 custody to avoid paying child support. It is always about the money....and usually means the child will pay the price in stress....if the kid has to shuffle back and forth constantly.

The parents are the ones who gave up on the marriage...why should the kid be inconvenienced and stressed and have to live out of a suitcase b/c the parents couldn't get their act together?

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that it is in the child’s best interests to drag out a divorce and spend endless money on custody. It is also not a way to build a relationship you may not have with your child. Teens spend the vast amount of time at school and with friends. If it were me, I’d consider how much of the parenting and planning (i.e. mental load) each parent has taken on in their lives and try to adjust custody time accordingly to ensure not much disruption in the Teen’s life.

Anonymous wrote:sounds like you were a cheater / walked out on your family and then tried to force your kid to stay in contact. nice.

Anonymous wrote:I got divorced when my D was 12-14ish. It was hellishly contentious and leading up to it my D went through various periods of up to several months where she would not see or speak to me.

However, I was adamant that we would have 50/50 custody and I simply told my ex and her counsel that I would accept nothing less. I said that without this I would fight in court until the very day D turned 18 and we would likely be bankrupt and possibly in deep debt for legal fees. I was willing to absolutely destroy our financial life over this and never wavered from making sure everyone knew that.

The reason I took this position was that I love my D and as far as I was concerned, my heart and door was always open. If she chose to not walk through and be in each other's lives, that was her choice (and frankly due to no small amount of her mother's influence).

I wanted the final judgement to be 50/50 and then I would deal with whatever the reality was after that. If my D refused to come see me then I would be patient and do what I could to heal the relationship because it would be on our terms. If there was a Court order that had skewed custody in it and denied equal time with both parents then I would not have the same chance.

My advice to anyone in a divorce proceeding and sorting out custody is to stand firm on 50/50 because it's in the best interest of the child to have the family (even in it's new divided form) work things out, not the Court System or Judge who looks at things for 20 minutes and makes a decision that will affects lives for years and years.

Anonymous wrote:How has it worked out? Do you have a close relationship with D? Does she spend 50% of the time with you?

Anonymous wrote:I got divorced when my D was 12-14ish. It was hellishly contentious and leading up to it my D went through various periods of up to several months where she would not see or speak to me.

However, I was adamant that we would have 50/50 custody and I simply told my ex and her counsel that I would accept nothing less. I said that without this I would fight in court until the very day D turned 18 and we would likely be bankrupt and possibly in deep debt for legal fees. I was willing to absolutely destroy our financial life over this and never wavered from making sure everyone knew that.

The reason I took this position was that I love my D and as far as I was concerned, my heart and door was always open. If she chose to not walk through and be in each other's lives, that was her choice (and frankly due to no small amount of her mother's influence).

I wanted the final judgement to be 50/50 and then I would deal with whatever the reality was after that. If my D refused to come see me then I would be patient and do what I could to heal the relationship because it would be on our terms. If there was a Court order that had skewed custody in it and denied equal time with both parents then I would not have the same chance.

My advice to anyone in a divorce proceeding and sorting out custody is to stand firm on 50/50 because it's in the best interest of the child to have the family (even in it's new divided form) work things out, not the Court System or Judge who looks at things for 20 minutes and makes a decision that will affects lives for years and years.

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree that it is in the child’s best interests to drag out a divorce and spend endless money on custody. It is also not a way to build a relationship you may not have with your child. Teens spend the vast amount of time at school and with friends. If it were me, I’d consider how much of the parenting and planning (i.e. mental load) each parent has taken on in their lives and try to adjust custody time accordingly to ensure not much disruption in the Teen’s life.

Anonymous wrote:I got divorced when my D was 12-14ish. It was hellishly contentious and leading up to it my D went through various periods of up to several months where she would not see or speak to me.

However, I was adamant that we would have 50/50 custody and I simply told my ex and her counsel that I would accept nothing less. I said that without this I would fight in court until the very day D turned 18 and we would likely be bankrupt and possibly in deep debt for legal fees. I was willing to absolutely destroy our financial life over this and never wavered from making sure everyone knew that.

The reason I took this position was that I love my D and as far as I was concerned, my heart and door was always open. If she chose to not walk through and be in each other's lives, that was her choice (and frankly due to no small amount of her mother's influence).

I wanted the final judgement to be 50/50 and then I would deal with whatever the reality was after that. If my D refused to come see me then I would be patient and do what I could to heal the relationship because it would be on our terms. If there was a Court order that had skewed custody in it and denied equal time with both parents then I would not have the same chance.

My advice to anyone in a divorce proceeding and sorting out custody is to stand firm on 50/50 because it's in the best interest of the child to have the family (even in it's new divided form) work things out, not the Court System or Judge who looks at things for 20 minutes and makes a decision that will affects lives for years and years.