Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine that an Ivy League grad is really jealous of a military officer’s wife. And I say this as a former military officer (female).

I’m both an Ivy League grad and an O-6’s wife. I work, but am underemployed due to our frequent moves. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. And, oh yes, I have 3 kids and am the default parent. Most military spouses have to be. Some just find it easier to stay at home in that case.

I have teenagers and do not want to work full time at all. I like to be around all the energy (sometimes chaos) they bring because they soon won't be around at all. But when I have an empty nest, I could see working again. Maybe not full-time (unless necessary), but definitely part-time to keep me busy. But not too busy where I can't enjoy other things in life.

Speaking as a SAHM, I so t mind working at all. What I would mind is working and doing everything else on top of that. I also wanted to be my kids primary caregiver for the first 3 years of their lives. So, for me, it’s not about not wanting to work. It’s about wanting other things more.

Are you telling me men want to work? I could have sworn DH told me if we won that billion mega millions he was going to retire that day, or two weeks notice but take vacation time. With his profession he can retire by 50. Nobody really wants to work, but we all somehow work, SAHMs too, and it sounds like your wife is getting older and is ready to retire. I wouldn't assume she wants to be a SAHM(your kids are in college so she can't be sahm anymore anyway.... have sleepless nights, etc...I don't think this is a gender difference, why work if you can do without? Sounds like she is still working. There is an issue men have, and that is that they assume women want them to fix things, and most comments are interpreted as some criticism of them. You are posting about this because you have been conditioned since childhood to think you are a failure if you don't provide the best for your family and wife. It is a common thread in patriarchal societies. Meaning, your own mind set is influencing your perception of her needs and wants.

Anonymous wrote:Before I married and had kids, I thought I wanted the option to stay home. When I actually had a baby, I knew I wasn't capable of being an SAHM.

But doesn't it matter if you found someone to do it for you that you love and can afford? I mean, you wouldn't want to just leave your baby with anyone.

I daydreamed about winning that $1B jackpot, but seriously thought about board service, foundation work or something job-y because 100% SAH is not for me.

Before I married and had kids, I thought I wanted the option to stay home. When I actually had a baby, I knew I wasn't capable of being an SAHM.

I don't want to work but I need to work to pay bills so I do.

If my spouse livedworking and made sufficient that I didn't need to work, and didn't care if I worked or not, I wouldn't.

I would spend my time doing something meaningful and productive but not at paid work most likely

Maybe she's burned out?

You know...for a lot of women it's less about Not Wanting to Work and more about Not Wanting to Miss All That time with Their Kids While They're Small Because it goes by so Fast.

Honestly, I think a lot of women would like to have the ability to choose to be a SAH mom if they wanted to while the kids were little.

It's also nice to think that you have the ability to quit a really lousy job (and I am including career jobs here, not just "job" jobs) when it turns toxic due to bad management or harassment or the like without having another lined up. I mean, isn't that level of financial security most everyone's dream? That's why lotteries are successful.

Neither of these sound like your particular scenario, so not sure what is the case with your wife.

I can’t imagine that an Ivy League grad is really jealous of a military officer’s wife. And I say this as a former military officer (female).

It sounds like your wife doesn’t want to work, but I don’t think all women feel that way. I didn’t like working when my kids were small. It’s too hard to leave the 0-5 set. But now that they are older, I like working. I like the accolades, the social status my job offers me, the feeling of knowing what to do and doing it well, and the money. If it were only the money,

What does she say she wants to do?

Are women still really looking for a man who makes enough money so they don’t have to work? My DWsems very jealous of my SIL who is a SAHM. I will note that my brother is not a “high earner” in the DCUM sense. He’s an O-6 in the army. But she gets all the perks and social status of bring an officer’s wife. I will also add my DW had her SAHM days, but our kids are grown and in college. She also has an Ivy degree and likes things like fancy cars. So, if you didn’t expect to work why did yo ge the degree and if you want to stay at home you’ll need to sacrifice ... no more fancy cars, designer handbags, etc. I’m willing to work in this p, but you’ll be driving a Honda and shopping at Walmart.