Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 18:17     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Here's some advice. Ask your child to show you his "system" for organizing his day and homework. Does he use a calendar? Does he have a 7 subject forlder that will allow him to keep track of work he needs to hand in? How does he handle organizing a project that has a few moving parts? What about a big text scheduled for next Tuesday? A conversation will probably show his organizational skills are lacking. Ask him why he has missing assignments?
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 16:36     Subject: Re:HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Our kids came of age before everyone on earth had a cell phone. Y'all are lucky to have that to hold over their heads to make them do their school work. I wonder if it's going to do the job for all four years of high school, though. It takes an awful lot to motivate an unmotivated or difficult teenager who doesn't care about grades.

We raised four kids. When our oldest brought home Cs on her first quarter report card in her sophomore year, when we knew she could do much better, we actually threatened to switch her to Catholic school. We were very upset with her and at our wit's end. But when we visited the Catholic school and literally saw posters of aborted fetuses in the hallway we realized we were being too drastic. I can't recall doing much after that; she eventually became a straight A student and went to UVA.

We learned from this and essentially allowed the others to find their own way. They all did, each on their own time and to varying degrees. As adults, there's little correlation between how each did in high school and how they're doing as adults.

It's very hard to watch your kid flounder when you know they can do better. But, in the end, there's little you can do and it's their life.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 16:20     Subject: Re:HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
This is a great explanation and advice. I would add that initially when they are young and starting school they really do need a lot more help and guidance and being shown how adults handle responsibility, doing things on time, etc. But as they get older mom and dad should slowly back away and let them apply themselves. Definitely let them make a few mistakes so they can see what failing means.. they will likely learn a lot from having a few of those experiences early on and I really think (and hope with my own little ones now), they will become better because of it. Internal motivation and drive is really important and the earlier they learn it, the better for them.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:54     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If your child is in HS and has missing assignments through the quarter and/or quarter grades that are not as good as you would hope/expect, are there any consequences from you (the parent) at home?

I have told my kids that they should be getting B's or better. Both kids have had a number of missing assignments that I have seen on grade book and brought to their attention to rectify. I know that no one is perfect, but I feel like not turning things in or not doing them in the first place is unacceptable (they are not doing their "job" as a student, yet they have plenty of time for video games/on line activities after school and on the weekends). I also don't expect all A's b/c not every subject is going to be your strength and I got some B's in my day as well.

With the opportunities in FCPS to meet with teachers for help, I feel that "B's or better" is reasonable.

So, does your child have any consequences at home if they don't meet your expectations on grades?


By High school I let my kid handle the responsibilities. Meaning the consequences will be if they get poor grades than they may not be able to get into the college they want. So, that is their consequences. It is not my job to micro manage my kids' school by this age. They can make up assignments and talk to the teachers. I've given them the tools already.

Basically, it is not my life and the credit and blame go all to them. Maybe if parents didn't live through their kids more parents would back off. As a result, they work hard to get the grades they want for themselves, not me or DH.

Not sure this helps you but, it works for us. And yes sometimes they have poor grades but, they don't need me telling them that. They know they have to work harder next time.


What if your child doesn't have college in mind yet, so getting into a particular college isn't really a motivational factor? It seems irresponsible for me as a parent to say "my job is done -- if you get low grades, it's on you!" when I'm talking about 14 and 15 yr olds. According to this theory, a kid should get as much time on the computer/games as they want even when they do a half@ss job at school. How is that suitable parenting?


First of all, I never said "my job is done." I said my kid's grades are their responsibility. If they need help studying than I help them but, I don't nag and I don't manage their computer time/games.

Through bad grades they have learned that they need to study more and turn off the computer. By making mistakes they have learned to manage their time without me nagging them. We started in 9th grade when the grades don't matter as much and now in 12th grade they are able to get decent grades because of them, not me nagging them or me having to take away privileges. Often times my kids will say I'm taking a 30 minute break ( or whatever but, I have to do x or y) and then they do it.

If you don't give your kids the internal desire to learn and do well than you aren't doing them any favors. But, you know your kids better than I do and I know what works for my kids. Just giving op a different perspective. It doesn't mean you are a better parent and I am worse ( or vice versa) When they were younger and I checked up on them they would say "don't you trust me?" Now I can and I've seen the results. No, they aren't going to Harvard but, I wouldn't think they would be happy there. But, they are going to college.

Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:42     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If your child is in HS and has missing assignments through the quarter and/or quarter grades that are not as good as you would hope/expect, are there any consequences from you (the parent) at home?

I have told my kids that they should be getting B's or better. Both kids have had a number of missing assignments that I have seen on grade book and brought to their attention to rectify. I know that no one is perfect, but I feel like not turning things in or not doing them in the first place is unacceptable (they are not doing their "job" as a student, yet they have plenty of time for video games/on line activities after school and on the weekends). I also don't expect all A's b/c not every subject is going to be your strength and I got some B's in my day as well.

With the opportunities in FCPS to meet with teachers for help, I feel that "B's or better" is reasonable.

So, does your child have any consequences at home if they don't meet your expectations on grades?


By High school I let my kid handle the responsibilities. Meaning the consequences will be if they get poor grades than they may not be able to get into the college they want. So, that is their consequences. It is not my job to micro manage my kids' school by this age. They can make up assignments and talk to the teachers. I've given them the tools already.

Basically, it is not my life and the credit and blame go all to them. Maybe if parents didn't live through their kids more parents would back off. As a result, they work hard to get the grades they want for themselves, not me or DH.

Not sure this helps you but, it works for us. And yes sometimes they have poor grades but, they don't need me telling them that. They know they have to work harder next time.


What if your child doesn't have college in mind yet, so getting into a particular college isn't really a motivational factor? It seems irresponsible for me as a parent to say "my job is done -- if you get low grades, it's on you!" when I'm talking about 14 and 15 yr olds. According to this theory, a kid should get as much time on the computer/games as they want even when they do a half@ss job at school. How is that suitable parenting?
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:38     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are in a similar boat, OP. Although, in some classes, I really feel that an "A-" should be the lowest acceptable grade. I make exceptions for those subjects that I know DS finds more difficult.

Anyway, in those cases when I notice an assignment was not done or not turned in (particularly frustrating as he went through the effort to do it but just didn't turn it in!), I take the phone. I figure he probably lost track of schoolwork because he was focused on other things. Since he is usually focused on his phone and all that comes with it, the phone becomes mine. Once he can show me that he rectified the situation (turned in an assignment or spoke to a teacher about getting extra help or something), he gets it back.


I also want to add - for those that are going to come on here and claim that we should let the kids fail or not pay attention to their grades, just don't comment. I was a driven student. My parents were lucky. They didn't know what classes I was taking or what my study habits were. They simply received the "all A's" report card in the mail. My DH wasn't the same student. His parents still didn't take any interest in his grades (as long as he wasn't failing, they were supportive of him), but he always regrets the fact he wasn't pushed harder. He finally got a hold of his organization and study skills in college and now has a Ph.D. We both don't want our son to flounder until he figures it out. We're going to help him get a hold of this thing as early as we can.


Dear op,

I posted my experience before reading this from you. You might not like my take on things but, you asked the question on a public forum so you should be able to handle different views. If not, oh well!


IT was the PP, not the OP (me) who made the suggestion to not comment.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:34     Subject: Re:HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:This is what middle school is good for.

YES! These kids need to figure this out on their own esp in HS and yes if they learn from failing let them!! I had a huge fear of letting my child fail but I spoke to the school and teachers and backed off at home to let them take the lead and my child to succeed on her own. She stumbled but to my surprise she kicked into high gear on her own.

Child also lost access to phone, TV, games and even extra curricular. In our school if they don’t meet certain expectations they can’t participate in school extra cirrucular activities. It really has to come from them. I also have been working to not stress grades and instead have been focusing on effort..grades do show up when the effort is put in.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:15     Subject: Re:HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
This is what middle school is good for. My son has a ton of homework in middle school and would miss assignments sometimes which would really impact his grade. Now that he is in 8th grade, I think he has a handle on getting all of the work done. If he misses any, he has video games removed for a while. They are a privilege which come after the work.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:10     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
I would start by working with mine and making sure the assignments got done nightly and not just leave it up to them.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:08     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are in a similar boat, OP. Although, in some classes, I really feel that an "A-" should be the lowest acceptable grade. I make exceptions for those subjects that I know DS finds more difficult.

Anyway, in those cases when I notice an assignment was not done or not turned in (particularly frustrating as he went through the effort to do it but just didn't turn it in!), I take the phone. I figure he probably lost track of schoolwork because he was focused on other things. Since he is usually focused on his phone and all that comes with it, the phone becomes mine. Once he can show me that he rectified the situation (turned in an assignment or spoke to a teacher about getting extra help or something), he gets it back.


I also want to add - for those that are going to come on here and claim that we should let the kids fail or not pay attention to their grades, just don't comment. I was a driven student. My parents were lucky. They didn't know what classes I was taking or what my study habits were. They simply received the "all A's" report card in the mail. My DH wasn't the same student. His parents still didn't take any interest in his grades (as long as he wasn't failing, they were supportive of him), but he always regrets the fact he wasn't pushed harder. He finally got a hold of his organization and study skills in college and now has a Ph.D. We both don't want our son to flounder until he figures it out. We're going to help him get a hold of this thing as early as we can.


Dear op,

I posted my experience before reading this from you. You might not like my take on things but, you asked the question on a public forum so you should be able to handle different views. If not, oh well!
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 15:06     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:If your child is in HS and has missing assignments through the quarter and/or quarter grades that are not as good as you would hope/expect, are there any consequences from you (the parent) at home?

I have told my kids that they should be getting B's or better. Both kids have had a number of missing assignments that I have seen on grade book and brought to their attention to rectify. I know that no one is perfect, but I feel like not turning things in or not doing them in the first place is unacceptable (they are not doing their "job" as a student, yet they have plenty of time for video games/on line activities after school and on the weekends). I also don't expect all A's b/c not every subject is going to be your strength and I got some B's in my day as well.

With the opportunities in FCPS to meet with teachers for help, I feel that "B's or better" is reasonable.

So, does your child have any consequences at home if they don't meet your expectations on grades?


By High school I let my kid handle the responsibilities. Meaning the consequences will be if they get poor grades than they may not be able to get into the college they want. So, that is their consequences. It is not my job to micro manage my kids' school by this age. They can make up assignments and talk to the teachers. I've given them the tools already.

Basically, it is not my life and the credit and blame go all to them. Maybe if parents didn't live through their kids more parents would back off. As a result, they work hard to get the grades they want for themselves, not me or DH.

Not sure this helps you but, it works for us. And yes sometimes they have poor grades but, they don't need me telling them that. They know they have to work harder next time.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 14:52     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:We are in a similar boat, OP. Although, in some classes, I really feel that an "A-" should be the lowest acceptable grade. I make exceptions for those subjects that I know DS finds more difficult.

Anyway, in those cases when I notice an assignment was not done or not turned in (particularly frustrating as he went through the effort to do it but just didn't turn it in!), I take the phone. I figure he probably lost track of schoolwork because he was focused on other things. Since he is usually focused on his phone and all that comes with it, the phone becomes mine. Once he can show me that he rectified the situation (turned in an assignment or spoke to a teacher about getting extra help or something), he gets it back.


Same + videogame system. IME, if homework isn't getting done it's because they are ignoring the rule that homework comes before electronics.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 14:52     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
Anonymous wrote:We are in a similar boat, OP. Although, in some classes, I really feel that an "A-" should be the lowest acceptable grade. I make exceptions for those subjects that I know DS finds more difficult.

Anyway, in those cases when I notice an assignment was not done or not turned in (particularly frustrating as he went through the effort to do it but just didn't turn it in!), I take the phone. I figure he probably lost track of schoolwork because he was focused on other things. Since he is usually focused on his phone and all that comes with it, the phone becomes mine. Once he can show me that he rectified the situation (turned in an assignment or spoke to a teacher about getting extra help or something), he gets it back.


I also want to add - for those that are going to come on here and claim that we should let the kids fail or not pay attention to their grades, just don't comment. I was a driven student. My parents were lucky. They didn't know what classes I was taking or what my study habits were. They simply received the "all A's" report card in the mail. My DH wasn't the same student. His parents still didn't take any interest in his grades (as long as he wasn't failing, they were supportive of him), but he always regrets the fact he wasn't pushed harder. He finally got a hold of his organization and study skills in college and now has a Ph.D. We both don't want our son to flounder until he figures it out. We're going to help him get a hold of this thing as early as we can.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 14:48     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
We are in a similar boat, OP. Although, in some classes, I really feel that an "A-" should be the lowest acceptable grade. I make exceptions for those subjects that I know DS finds more difficult.

Anyway, in those cases when I notice an assignment was not done or not turned in (particularly frustrating as he went through the effort to do it but just didn't turn it in!), I take the phone. I figure he probably lost track of schoolwork because he was focused on other things. Since he is usually focused on his phone and all that comes with it, the phone becomes mine. Once he can show me that he rectified the situation (turned in an assignment or spoke to a teacher about getting extra help or something), he gets it back.
Anonymous
Post 10/24/2018 14:39     Subject: HS grades: are there any consequences that you impose?
If your child is in HS and has missing assignments through the quarter and/or quarter grades that are not as good as you would hope/expect, are there any consequences from you (the parent) at home?

I have told my kids that they should be getting B's or better. Both kids have had a number of missing assignments that I have seen on grade book and brought to their attention to rectify. I know that no one is perfect, but I feel like not turning things in or not doing them in the first place is unacceptable (they are not doing their "job" as a student, yet they have plenty of time for video games/on line activities after school and on the weekends). I also don't expect all A's b/c not every subject is going to be your strength and I got some B's in my day as well.

With the opportunities in FCPS to meet with teachers for help, I feel that "B's or better" is reasonable.

So, does your child have any consequences at home if they don't meet your expectations on grades?