OP, so what would work, if any. Twice a year? Three times a year. Decide and inform. You have the power. Make a decision, inform, pencil it in, and forget it.

My toddler dd goes to my parents house once every 2 weeks and spends either Friday or Saturday night and part of Saturday or Sunday. Dh and I get to spend time together and get stuff done. Some of this happens when dh is away for work on weeekends so it wouldn’t be nuclear family time anyway.
I grew up very close with my grandmother and spent the night there multiple times a week.
I love the relationship my dd has with both sets of grandparents. My parents have a room and a playroom set up for her and they follow our general house rules and do so much with her.

My three year old stays at my parents about twice a month. Everyone loves it, and I like she has developed a close relationship with them.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like you simply feel guilty because you two work too much to have quality lives with your children.

I agree with other posters that yours is a nice problem to have. Let your children enjoy their grandparents.

What a smug snotty answer to a politely expressed problem.

Ours are local but older and in poor health. As a result, DH and I are often splitting up and each visiting our respective parent for some time on weekends. Sometimes with a kid or two, sometimes not. It definitely affects the time we can spend together as a couple and as a family.

OP, in your shoes, I would enjoy time you could have as a couple and the kids could have with grandparents (1x/month for each side sounds reasonable). Build out the bigger family.

My in laws live with us, so this is a bit different, but we go out without the kids (both in ES) at least once per month.

It sounds to me like you simply feel guilty because you two work too much to have quality lives with your children.

I agree with other posters that yours is a nice problem to have. Let your children enjoy their grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this problem. I'd have my kids spent the night 2x a month so DH and I could have amazing date nights. It would be great for our marriage.

We have toddlers with local family and my parents babysit 1-2x a month.

We have babysitters during the week, when the kids are asleep at our home. Our marriage is just fine. This is about the kids spending time with their parents.

Is there any reason why you don't want them to sleepover when your husband is away for work?

They have school. Parents and in-laws are just too far to make that work. This works in the summer, and we send them then. But then the grandparents get spoiled, like right now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love this problem. I'd have my kids spent the night 2x a month so DH and I could have amazing date nights. It would be great for our marriage.

We have toddlers with local family and my parents babysit 1-2x a month.

We have babysitters during the week, when the kids are asleep at our home. Our marriage is just fine. This is about the kids spending time with their parents.

Is there any reason why you don't want them to sleepover when your husband is away for work?

Anonymous wrote:I would love this problem. I'd have my kids spent the night 2x a month so DH and I could have amazing date nights. It would be great for our marriage.

We have toddlers with local family and my parents babysit 1-2x a month.

We have babysitters during the week, when the kids are asleep at our home. Our marriage is just fine. This is about the kids spending time with their parents.

My kids usually spend the night at my parents when I ask them to babysit and we are staying out late at night. It's not all that often.
From time to time they will also take each kid for a special individual sleepover.

Not once. Except for when we all spent the night when our power was out.

I would love this problem. I'd have my kids spent the night 2x a month so DH and I could have amazing date nights. It would be great for our marriage.

We have toddlers with local family and my parents babysit 1-2x a month.

Maybe two or three times a year. They are 6 and 7.

If your parents/in-laws live local, how often do your children spend the night with them at their homes?

My husband travels every other week for work, and works late when he’s home, so family time on the weekends is sacred, yet we feel this pull from the grandparents to have this time with our kids. If it were up to them, they’d each have the kids once a month. That would leave us with just 4 actual family days where we are all in the same house and awake, at the same time. It’s hard enough visiting them as a nuclear family without then losing out on more quality time with our kids so that their grandparents can have quality time. If that makes sense.

Just curious what works for others.