Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this in one of my boys too. He had the athletics and skills but not the “killer instinct”. Part is just their nature and personality. Part is gaining confidence. I have seen him get more aggressive as he got older he is now 14. Puberty probably helps that for boys.

My 10 year old son is like that. His mindset doesn’t match his skills. His coaches know about it but they can’t do much about it.

I have a boy like this. It's his essential personality. He eventually gave up the sport, but he has a similar vibe in his new sport and in his schoolwork.

My daughter had a coach who ran an activity where he kicked the ball to the far end of the field, girls were in two line, the girl at the head of each line ran to get the ball, the one who got there first had to pick it up and run back, while the girl who did not get there first would try to dislodge the ball before her teammate could reach the start of her line. The girls in both lines were screaming at their teammates with encouragement, and the girls jockeying for the ball were essentially playing rugby. You might not be able to run that drill today, but it worked--the entire team picked the physicality up a notch. Some of it must have been getting over the fear of contact, some of it must have been a confidence boost.

Put her in Juijitsu.

She will learn going hard with the self restrain that is natural to her. She needs to understand the concept of "leave it on the field ".

That is hard when she is playing with kids below her skill level. Is she on an appropriate level team?

Anonymous wrote:My 10-year old son does the same thing.

oh and he is aggressive as hell---has older brother and plays with older kids often. He can't stand losing.

I see it as the team dynamic on this particular team. There are some 'big' personalities. There are some parents that are really into it for their kids. My kid will let other players have their way---if a kid is bossy in practice when they are allowed to decide where to play in scrimmage, etc...he defers. Some kids pressure the coach to go in certain places---mine doesn't so he always goes in the same spot (not one he's particularly fond of).

My 10-year old son does the same thing.

She will probably get more aggressive as she gets older.

I’ve seen this in one of my boys too. He had the athletics and skills but not the “killer instinct”. Part is just their nature and personality. Part is gaining confidence. I have seen him get more aggressive as he got older he is now 14. Puberty probably helps that for boys.

Reading this thread with interest because my daughter (9 almost 10) is the same way! Drives us (mom and dad) crazy because she has the best ball handling skills on her team but isn't ball hungry enough/defers to other girls who do really want that ball.

My 8 year old is like this. We have waited and watched and let her know that it’s ok to be aggressive in soccer, but no dice. She is athletic and excels at sports where she doesn’t have to directly confront anyone. I hope that she decides to drop soccer altogether, because I don’t see her personality changing and I think that is what it would take to get past her submissive instincts in confrontational sports like soccer.

I don’t think it’s too much out of the ordinary for her age. Social aspects and interacting with teammates is a big part of soccer (and life) development. It might be good to find her opportunities to play with different players, to establish new relationships on the field. Doesn’t mean she needs to find a new team, but maybe supplemental. A program that operates more academy style might also be good for her, where instead of always playing with the same players, she would train and play with a larger group, boys and girls, and need to establish new relationships on the field often. Situations where she is the best player on the field build confidence, playing with better players keeps her humble and challenged. A mix of both opportunities is beneficial.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure you can affect this. It needs to come from her. I started playing soccer at 6 and never felt like this. One big difference, however, is that from 6-10, I played mostly with boys (not much girls soccer back then). I joined a girls travel team two towns over when I hit puberty. Why don't you try having her play with boys (pickup, informally, etc) and see if any natural competitiveness and aggression comes forth....then you can see if it's in her...

Yes she does play pickup with boys and this doesn’t happen, even older boys she plays hard, only happens with girls she knows/cares about.

There are lots of talented girls who just aren't aggressive and it isn't something that can really be taught. I would mention to the coach so hopefully he/she can encourage her, then I would just sit back. She is very young.

I'm not sure you can affect this. It needs to come from her. I started playing soccer at 6 and never felt like this. One big difference, however, is that from 6-10, I played mostly with boys (not much girls soccer back then). I joined a girls travel team two towns over when I hit puberty. Why don't you try having her play with boys (pickup, informally, etc) and see if any natural competitiveness and aggression comes forth....then you can see if it's in her...

DD is a strong athlete, talented according to several coaches. Has dreams of playing high level soccer, she's only 10 now so we shall see. She trains hard, wants to play almost everyday, practices on her own, tries out new things, fast on the ball, has good soccer IQ etc. I'm saying this because I've seen it, and also been told by other parents and coaches since she was very little. What I don't get is when she's with her team in a game, sometimes she will defer to them, lets them try to get to the ball first, holds back on attacking the ball. I've asked her about it and she says "I wanted so and so to have the opportunity to score instead of me" or "so and so gets mad if I get to the ball first". This didn't used to happen when she was younger, but now she's afraid her teammates won't "like" her if she is "better" then them or dominates the game. Sometimes she's afraid to make mistakes too I think and holds back for that reason, but more often than not, she will defer to certain players that she wants to "like" her. So my question is, is this normal for girls? I'm pretty sure boys could care less what their teammates think and are always aggressive on the ball. Do girls get to a point where their personal ambitions outweigh their desire to be "liked"? Or is DD just not ruthless enough? I'm not trying to turn her into a ruthless monster, please don't misunderstand me. I'm just wondering if I should be pushing her a little to not worry about what other people think and just go for it or to let her figure it out on her own.