Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:31
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Agree with DH.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:30
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
DH for the win.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:28
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Agree with your DH on all counts.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:24
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:We each made a list of things that would help accomplish that. I want us to split the chores more evenly . It’s about a 40/60 split now but I want something like 45/55 if not 50/50.
I also suggested a date night once a month.
DH is taking on more household things and has lined up a babysitter for this weekend and planned a date.
I’m having trouble implementing his list. The reason for that is I feel like his list unfairly targets the kids. Example he wants to limit them to 1 activity because he thinks we spend to much time rushing from place to place and prepping for activities.
He also wants to move youngest DC out of our room. DC is only 3 years old the other kids stayed with us until they were 5/6.
He says that fewer activities will give us more time in the evening and we mainly me will be less exhausted. He also thinks moving the baby will improve our intimacy. He’s not just talking sex . We have enough sex . He just “ wants me to himself.”
I think he’s being a little selfish. Which is odd because he’s always going on about putting the kids first. He’s a good dad to all 4 kids he has always treated my son as his own. Before anyone says iit he wanted kids very badly. He and his first wife actually divorced because she didn’t want kids.
Team DH, yes he is reasonable.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:13
Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
How do you even keep track of 40/60 vs 45/55 vs 50/50 split of chores?
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:13
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
You had a 6-year old sleeping in your room with you?
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:11
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Why on earth is a 3 year old in you room?
No no no. The kid had to go. ASAP.
Adult bedroom. Good door lock.
Kid out now.
And 4 kids. Yep each one gets one activity. Or none is ok too.
No no no. The kid had to go. ASAP.
Adult bedroom. Good door lock.
Kid out now.
And 4 kids. Yep each one gets one activity. Or none is ok too.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:11
Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
You know he's a good dad to all of the kids and is good about making them a priority. So why are you now dismissing all of that and assuming he's just being selfish and thinking of himself at the expense of the kids? From his list, it sounds like the kids have been the only priority for a while now at the expense of your marriage. If you want your marriage to survive, you need to make that a priority too.
Also, what he's asking for is reasonable. Most children are not still in their parents' bed at 3, let alone 5/6. And when there are four kids involved, it's not uncommon to limit each to one activity. The trade-off to having so many kids is that each child can't get all of the time and resources they would if there were fewer children.
Also, what he's asking for is reasonable. Most children are not still in their parents' bed at 3, let alone 5/6. And when there are four kids involved, it's not uncommon to limit each to one activity. The trade-off to having so many kids is that each child can't get all of the time and resources they would if there were fewer children.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:11
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Your DH is right.
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:10
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Anonymous wrote:I'm team DH. And a 3 year old isn't a baby. Do you have an identity outside your kids? Do you ever do anything without your kids?
+1
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:09
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Your DH wants a wife!
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:09
Subject: Re:Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
I think you trying limiting the activities to one and moving the baby-in addition to the other things you are trying. It's fair if he is willing to try stuff you think will help, that you also try his suggestions, and he's likely right about creating overall time in your schedules so you have more time for each other. Agree to try it for 3 months and see how it feels.
And as someone who is divorced because we didn't make time and stay connected-kudos to both of you for trying!
And as someone who is divorced because we didn't make time and stay connected-kudos to both of you for trying!
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:08
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
Yikes. Get the pre schooler out of your room. You sound unreasonable
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:08
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
I'm team DH. And a 3 year old isn't a baby. Do you have an identity outside your kids? Do you ever do anything without your kids?
Anonymous
10/21/2018 17:05
Subject: Marriage counselor told us we need to make time for us
We each made a list of things that would help accomplish that. I want us to split the chores more evenly . It’s about a 40/60 split now but I want something like 45/55 if not 50/50.
I also suggested a date night once a month.
DH is taking on more household things and has lined up a babysitter for this weekend and planned a date.
I’m having trouble implementing his list. The reason for that is I feel like his list unfairly targets the kids. Example he wants to limit them to 1 activity because he thinks we spend to much time rushing from place to place and prepping for activities.
He also wants to move youngest DC out of our room. DC is only 3 years old the other kids stayed with us until they were 5/6.
He says that fewer activities will give us more time in the evening and we mainly me will be less exhausted. He also thinks moving the baby will improve our intimacy. He’s not just talking sex . We have enough sex . He just “ wants me to himself.”
I think he’s being a little selfish. Which is odd because he’s always going on about putting the kids first. He’s a good dad to all 4 kids he has always treated my son as his own. Before anyone says iit he wanted kids very badly. He and his first wife actually divorced because she didn’t want kids.
I also suggested a date night once a month.
DH is taking on more household things and has lined up a babysitter for this weekend and planned a date.
I’m having trouble implementing his list. The reason for that is I feel like his list unfairly targets the kids. Example he wants to limit them to 1 activity because he thinks we spend to much time rushing from place to place and prepping for activities.
He also wants to move youngest DC out of our room. DC is only 3 years old the other kids stayed with us until they were 5/6.
He says that fewer activities will give us more time in the evening and we mainly me will be less exhausted. He also thinks moving the baby will improve our intimacy. He’s not just talking sex . We have enough sex . He just “ wants me to himself.”
I think he’s being a little selfish. Which is odd because he’s always going on about putting the kids first. He’s a good dad to all 4 kids he has always treated my son as his own. Before anyone says iit he wanted kids very badly. He and his first wife actually divorced because she didn’t want kids.