Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 20:13     Subject: Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you.


Agree. It is not an ultimatum. It is just a step to divorce. The guy will love it since all his household and child raising responsibilities went away— mom will take care if that and he can show up for fun dinners and weekend activities—and he can refocus on working late/his career plus dating and acting like a victim of a crazy ex wife. The woman will just keep on running a busy household, raising and parenting her kids and her full time job as well. Oh and will be a secretary for her ex husband’s “Co parenting” schedule.


You seem very sexist. Many men want 50/50 custody. You might not have kids because many men want to see their children. And not sure why getting divorced would mean the man’s household responsibilities are going away. He’d need to hire a cleaning service for that.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 20:08     Subject: Re:Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you’re a DW and want to initiate this, be prepared that DH will take that opportunity to get his freak on, and he would be free to do so. Are there children involved, OP? Don’t think this is a great idea, especially since you have mentioned getting back together. Things must not be that bad. Maybe go to therapy and try to fix things. Don’t give him the freedom to sleep with other women. He might not want you back.


"We were on a break!!!"


Omg, that would be fantastic.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 16:14     Subject: Re:Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:If you’re a DW and want to initiate this, be prepared that DH will take that opportunity to get his freak on, and he would be free to do so. Are there children involved, OP? Don’t think this is a great idea, especially since you have mentioned getting back together. Things must not be that bad. Maybe go to therapy and try to fix things. Don’t give him the freedom to sleep with other women. He might not want you back.


"We were on a break!!!"
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 16:09     Subject: Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you.


Agree. It is not an ultimatum. It is just a step to divorce. The guy will love it since all his household and child raising responsibilities went away— mom will take care if that and he can show up for fun dinners and weekend activities—and he can refocus on working late/his career plus dating and acting like a victim of a crazy ex wife. The woman will just keep on running a busy household, raising and parenting her kids and her full time job as well. Oh and will be a secretary for her ex husband’s “Co parenting” schedule.


OR, when the guy moves out, the kids go with him. And he’s still the only parent in the picture even after many years.


exDW moved out, kids stayed with me at the house. We eventually agreed to a 50/50 schedule but it wasn't for a while. Another DP for ya.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 16:05     Subject: Temporarily separating
If you need a separation, just let it be the first step to divorce.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 16:04     Subject: Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you.


Agree. It is not an ultimatum. It is just a step to divorce. The guy will love it since all his household and child raising responsibilities went away— mom will take care if that and he can show up for fun dinners and weekend activities—and he can refocus on working late/his career plus dating and acting like a victim of a crazy ex wife. The woman will just keep on running a busy household, raising and parenting her kids and her full time job as well. Oh and will be a secretary for her ex husband’s “Co parenting” schedule.


OR, when the guy moves out, the kids go with him. And he’s still the only parent in the picture even after many years.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 15:58     Subject: Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you.


Agree. It is not an ultimatum. It is just a step to divorce. The guy will love it since all his household and child raising responsibilities went away— mom will take care if that and he can show up for fun dinners and weekend activities—and he can refocus on working late/his career plus dating and acting like a victim of a crazy ex wife. The woman will just keep on running a busy household, raising and parenting her kids and her full time job as well. Oh and will be a secretary for her ex husband’s “Co parenting” schedule.


THIS.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 15:53     Subject: Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you.


Agree. It is not an ultimatum. It is just a step to divorce. The guy will love it since all his household and child raising responsibilities went away— mom will take care if that and he can show up for fun dinners and weekend activities—and he can refocus on working late/his career plus dating and acting like a victim of a crazy ex wife. The woman will just keep on running a busy household, raising and parenting her kids and her full time job as well. Oh and will be a secretary for her ex husband’s “Co parenting” schedule.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 14:02     Subject: Temporarily separating
I moved out on my DH and only after that, did he agree to therapy. The therapist made it clear without saying so that once one person has already moved out, it's much harder to come back together. And in the end, we did not. Just one anecdote for you.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 13:48     Subject: Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:I separated from my DH but didn’t have another place to “move out” to (at least, that wasn’t a permanent type move) so I moved into a spare bedroom. That was incredibly awkward as during this phase we would both go out with our friends and sometimes not come home until later (no kids), and it’s like okay, do I have the right to ask where you were? Should I come home early to not look like I’m out banging the whole town? It was so, so weird. But, it reinforced the divide that had already grown between us and made our minds up that things were over.

We decided the best thing to do was just start the divorce proceedings and after two weeks of the separate bedroom arrangement I got my own place. I am a woman, I make my own income and my XH owned the house before we were married. I didn’t hate him and had no desire to uproot him or put him in a financial spot he couldn’t afford, so I just left the house without a fight.


You're a better person. I hope all has gone well for you, as most find the separation/divorce process a pain in the a$$.

OP, it can go great, or it can go horribly rancid. No telling what will happen. GL.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 13:42     Subject: Temporarily separating
Stop being selfish and start thinking about your children and their needs.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 13:39     Subject: Re:Temporarily separating
Anonymous wrote:If you’re a DW and want to initiate this, be prepared that DH will take that opportunity to get his freak on, and he would be free to do so. Are there children involved, OP? Don’t think this is a great idea, especially since you have mentioned getting back together. Things must not be that bad. Maybe go to therapy and try to fix things. Don’t give him the freedom to sleep with other women. He might not want you back.


Yeah, same goes for the DH. If OP is DH and his DW is proposing separation, be prepared that she's using it as an excuse to test the waters with someone she's been curious but she does it under the auspices of "hey, we're separated so it's ok" or something like that.

I think it can be done effectively but how will you do it? Live in the same house but different rooms?
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 13:38     Subject: Temporarily separating
I separated from my DH but didn’t have another place to “move out” to (at least, that wasn’t a permanent type move) so I moved into a spare bedroom. That was incredibly awkward as during this phase we would both go out with our friends and sometimes not come home until later (no kids), and it’s like okay, do I have the right to ask where you were? Should I come home early to not look like I’m out banging the whole town? It was so, so weird. But, it reinforced the divide that had already grown between us and made our minds up that things were over.

We decided the best thing to do was just start the divorce proceedings and after two weeks of the separate bedroom arrangement I got my own place. I am a woman, I make my own income and my XH owned the house before we were married. I didn’t hate him and had no desire to uproot him or put him in a financial spot he couldn’t afford, so I just left the house without a fight.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 13:16     Subject: Re:Temporarily separating
If you’re a DW and want to initiate this, be prepared that DH will take that opportunity to get his freak on, and he would be free to do so. Are there children involved, OP? Don’t think this is a great idea, especially since you have mentioned getting back together. Things must not be that bad. Maybe go to therapy and try to fix things. Don’t give him the freedom to sleep with other women. He might not want you back.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2018 12:01     Subject: Temporarily separating
Has anyone temporarily separated from their spouse due to marital problems. How did it work out? Was your relationship improved after moving back in together?