OP here. Thank you for your responses -- cruel is the word I have been using, too. I really don't understand this -- we were blindsided. I really don't think the coach knows but the Varsity team heard the discussion when my DD asked about it (shared locker room) and some of its members spoke out in support of my DD but other than that there has been no social cost to the two Pranksters.

Will the stars be moving on to varsity next year?

I would phone or talk face-to-face with each of the organizers (parents, coach?) and ask for both clarification and a public apology to my daughter in front of the entire team.

I would explain that their behavior was gratuitously exclusionary and hurtful, and that fit the definition of bullies. This is what bullies do. I would add that it was unprofessional on the part of the coach and that it greatly jeopardizes his or her credibility on the job. I would conclude that they should be ashamed of themselves for thinking this could ever be construed as a fun prank.

And I would talk about it with everyone in the community, naming names.

She needs to laugh it off. Seriously. She needs to act like it doesn't bother her, and move on.

Yes, that was not a prank. But if she slinks away and quits her sport, that will not be good for DD either. Move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, it was not a sanctioned team event -- it was during the weekend outside of regular after school practice.

The parent should have emailed all the parents the information. It was on the parent who allowed their child to behave that way. However, I'd find a new team. The coach should know and she is clearly not wanted on that team and continuing is only setting her up for future failure. That is not a prank. That is just cruel.

What? For high school kids, the parents should have emailed the information? That's pretty over the top.

As for finding a new team, OP said this was a JV team, which suggests a school team, not a travel team. Are you saying to should transfer schools?

I do agree this was cruel.

Your DD can stay on the team, but she really needs new friends who aren't on the team.

She was intentionally and hurtfully excluded. If she doesn't really love the sport, I would get her to try something else or try a team not connected with school. Personally, I would get her to tell the coach or ask the coach for advice. But, that is up to her.

WOW! I’d be devastated by this, too. I can’t even imagine how that would feel. I’m so sorry for your DD, OP. That hurts.

OP, I am so sorry that happened and cannot fathom the mean-spirited behavior of that parent. Appalling!

I'm sure the coach will hear about it somehow (esp if it's all over social media).

I’d encourage her to think through her decision carefullt - she’s giving them power when she leaves her hard-earned spot, but I would also support her leaving if that’s what she chooses. She doesn’t need to be around such bitches, what kind of “team” would do this? Secretly I’d want her to leave with head held high but would totally support her decision, whichever it is. Sorry that happened to her; that’s really awful.

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, it was not a sanctioned team event -- it was during the weekend outside of regular after school practice.

The parent should have emailed all the parents the information. It was on the parent who allowed their child to behave that way. However, I'd find a new team. The coach should know and she is clearly not wanted on that team and continuing is only setting her up for future failure. That is not a prank. That is just cruel.

To clarify, it was not a sanctioned team event -- it was during the weekend outside of regular after school practice.

OP back -- I don't believe the coach knows and my DD has asked me not to mention it.

I agree that this is on the parent and I am befuddled by this. I wonder if parent knew or didn't.

I would find a new team. This is on the coach and parent who allowed it.

Let the coach handle it.

Here's the situation. My DD is involved in a JV sport who teammates practice together throughout the entire school year. These girls have all played together for years and have mostly been extremely close friends (there are always one or two divas but, generally speaking, the girls are all close because they have spent so much time together). Parents, too, have now known each other for years. Well...the parent of one of the girls arranged a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for the JV team to meet/take pictures/get autographs with one of the stars of their sport (parents are very connected people). The DD of the parent who made the arrangements together with one of the other teammates decided it would be funny to "mistakenly" give the wrong info to my DD causing my DD to miss the event. All the other JV girls knew and went along with this, we assume because the two pranksters are considered the team stars (though the coaches named no captains) and the rest of the girls didn't feel like they could make waves given that the parent of one of the stars had created the opportunity and they didn't want to miss out. Well, my DD starts seeing all of the photos on Instagram and realizes that she has missed the event and wonders why no one told her the right info -- not the arranger or any of the other teammates. At the next practice, DD asks in the locker room why no one said anything. One teammate confesses she felt really bad (though apparently not bad enough to say anything). The two pranksters just laugh and call it "just a fun prank." She's devastated and can't understand why anyone would do something so mean and is questioning her very desire to remain on the team with these people she used to think of as her closest friends. I'm struggling to help her through this mainly because I agree -- why would anyone want to stay on the team? But to give up a sport that she has worked so hard at along with her extracurricular activity and her cohort seems so wrong. WWYD?