Anonymous wrote:It's not petty. It's called self preservation

No. It's petty. If it really was self preservation she'd cut this friend out of her life. It is petty because the one thing we know is that her friend who has had a rough time lately (her words) didn't get it together to acknowledge her birthday. One slip up.

OP mentions "the way she has behaved with me at times" but we don't know what that is. All we know is that OP is bean counting. She didn't acknowledge my birthday, so I won't acknowledge hers. That's petty.

If the OP's friend really is doing her emotional harm, she should kick into self preservation mode and limit time spent with her friend to none.

It's not petty. It's called self preservation

Are you her friend? acknowledge the birthday. If you aren't her friend, cut ties and end it. But don't be a bean counting friend who only does things because somebody else did the same for you. That's petty.

OP just ignore it. Clear this friendship is one sided. I am sure she didn't give as much thought when she ignored your birthday

Anonymous wrote:If she ignored yours you have every right to ignore hers.

This is not what friends do.

I would likely feel a little hurt, but if our friendship was solid then I would just let it go.

The older we get - the less fanfare most of us give to birthdays.

If you feel like it, you can always just give her a birthday card.

Send her a nice message. If she’s been having a hard time, even if you have too, give her a free pass this time. Doing an act of kindness is good for you and for the recipient. And belated happy birthday to you!

If she ignored yours you have every right to ignore hers.

I don't really buy other adults gifts for their birthday and I'd never in a million years expect a friend to buy me a gift for my birthday. A text, a nice email, an offer to go for a drink to celebrate, sure.

Don't be petty. No need for a gift, but can't you send a simple text acknowledging the day?

Would it be really wrong if I didn't? She didn't acknowledge mine last month and yet I feel bad for not getting her a small gift despite the way she has behaved with me at times. She has had a rough time lately but so have I.