Continuing care retirement communities will often have long-term memory care, and assisted living memory care; the facility I work in has both. Since i started there, we’ve had two residents who have become agitated and violent; in both instances they were sent to a facility that can accommodate these behaviors, in an attempt to intiduce and manage new medication that might improve things enough that they could return. One resident was able to return and the other didn’t improve enough and stayed there permanently.

In what state is your dad living?

As others have said, he must be medicated. And yes, it is an art to find the sweet spot between functional and zombie, but there is no choice but to do meds.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest reading an article called "the pacemaker that ruined my mothers life" on NYTimes website.

NP. I looked this up and the story does not apply here at all. That story was a complaint that a pacemaker extended the life of someone who had a poor quality of life from dementia. It did not cause the dementia.

NP. Did you actually read the article, from start to finish? The point is that medical technology is extending people's lives for far longer than otherwise would (and arguably, in some cases, should) be. It can lead to a gnarly end of life that could have been simpler and more merciful.

OP said her father is physically robust, as in healthy. They are not doing anything to "extend his life." They are trying to manage his behavior due to loss of mental control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest reading an article called "the pacemaker that ruined my mothers life" on NYTimes website.

NP. I looked this up and the story does not apply here at all. That story was a complaint that a pacemaker extended the life of someone who had a poor quality of life from dementia. It did not cause the dementia.

NP. Did you actually read the article, from start to finish? The point is that medical technology is extending people's lives for far longer than otherwise would (and arguably, in some cases, should) be. It can lead to a gnarly end of life that could have been simpler and more merciful.

How does this help OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest reading an article called "the pacemaker that ruined my mothers life" on NYTimes website.

NP. I looked this up and the story does not apply here at all. That story was a complaint that a pacemaker extended the life of someone who had a poor quality of life from dementia. It did not cause the dementia.

NP. Did you actually read the article, from start to finish? The point is that medical technology is extending people's lives for far longer than otherwise would (and arguably, in some cases, should) be. It can lead to a gnarly end of life that could have been simpler and more merciful.

That is why there are many types of "calming" meds given off-label to dementia patients.

Some of them can be dangerous for their health;some institutions given meds to all their patients without consideration for who really needs it, so they can get away with hiring less personnel.

Anyway. Hang in there, OP.

Anonymous wrote:I suggest reading an article called "the pacemaker that ruined my mothers life" on NYTimes website.

NP. I looked this up and the story does not apply here at all. That story was a complaint that a pacemaker extended the life of someone who had a poor quality of life from dementia. It did not cause the dementia.

Nursing home. He will be heavily sedated. Its pretty normal with dementia. Especially that in-between phase.

I suggest reading an article called "the pacemaker that ruined my mothers life" on NYTimes website.

This is sadly the case with a lot of people in dementia, especially when they still have enough awareness left to "fight" their loss of control (often taken out on others). Medication helps but finding the balance between calm and zombie is an art.

This happened with my FIL. He was caught almost killing his roommate and had caused a lot of property damage to the nursing home. They told MIL the only care option for him was to put him on a medication that was sedating. Once he was on the medication, he quickly lost physical strength and slept a lot more. It was not easy (though dementia never is).

My grandma was in a nursing home that specialized in dementia care. She was abusive, but they kept her anyway. This was in PA though.

I feel for you. Is your Dad still somewhat cognizant? From my research, the memory care places appear to be more for final stage dementia when there is no memory left and the violent phase is done.
Some assisted living places may consider him. Just passing along advice I was given:

- Forget about reasoning with him. It'll just make it worse.
- Noise will be very upsetting so minimize activities
- They get exhausted towards twilight and will be more prone to violent attacks then. Adjust the daily routine accordingly.

Good luck. We are struggling with this too. I understand this phase can last 1-2 years.

We had to go the institutional care route. It was a horrible but necessary process. Your sister is right that it may be very difficult to place him.

My dad has dementia and is violent when upset. His dementia actually looks like mental illness (to me at least). He has now assaulted a second caregiver. He remains physically very robust. Anger was always his go-to emotion before he was ill. My sister who has guardianship and actually works in the nursing home industry says there's nowhere for him to go. My other sister and I think he needs to go into memory care but I know that places can be selective. What are my options?