Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 16:48     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Previous posters who felt “robbed of their ideal family”, what would have helped you? What do you wish your parents had done to help you?
I am a divorced mom of 3 and I identify very much with that feeling. I never expected divorce (or more specifically I never expected my ex to cheat and leave his family) and for the longest time I have felt I was robbed of the family I worked so hard to create. Therapy has been very helpful and I have moved on, but reading this thread brought tears to my eyes.
My children seem to be doing fine. My ex has always travel a lot for work, so they were already used to not seeing him around every day. Our relatioship is cordial.
I fear the long lasting effects of divorce on my kids.
What are your recommendations?
Anonymous
Post 10/21/2018 16:21     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I told my kids about our divorce about a month ago, ages 9 & 11. I was terrified based on all the doom and gloom but tbh it really has been orders of magnitude better than I anticipated. It’s obviously still early days but just wanted to give a counter perspective.


Oh honey. A month is nothing. Being a child of divorce lasts a lifetime.


For many women here, DH ran off with some other woman and refused to even consider staying together. The women have to do the best they can with the situation.


All the more important to have a realistic understanding of the long term consequences.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2018 00:51     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:I am a child of divorced parents. As I look back I realized my family, as I thought it should be "died." It no longer existed and I really didn't like the new picture of our family. Nobody let me grieve and nobody tried to listen to my thoughts or pain, so I became a pain to them all. This is not good. As I see it now, I realized also that it seemed to me nobody was in control and taking care of us, so I took on the task and tried to straighten them all out. This again is not good. An elementary age child simply doesn't have the wisdom and ability to deal with all of this and in reality shouldn't have to do so.

Stories are good and here's some possible suggestions on books at https://list.ly/list/2EUp-mending-hearts-in-the-midst-of-broken-families. But as has been said, they are not always real. I really think that maybe folks don't want to face reality and write it down. And to be fair my reality may not be your reality and so forth. But for me I felt robbed of my life. I don't know that it would have been any better if my parents had stayed together and I don't know the circumstances of your marriage or divorce. In my family, I just wanted everybody to "grow up" and honor the vows they had taken. Hang in there Mom, you are on the right track trying to help.

I pray for God to give you wisdom and understanding. I pray for you as you enter this phase of your life. I pray for your children and your husband. I pray that you will find the support that you need. I pray that your children will receive the help they need as they process this loss and learn to live in the next season of their lives. I pray that God will heal and bless this family. Amen.


I’d like to second the first paragraph. Though I was older, the things that hurt the most were no one talking to me about it, letting me grieve and the loss of my family.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2018 00:22     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I told my kids about our divorce about a month ago, ages 9 & 11. I was terrified based on all the doom and gloom but tbh it really has been orders of magnitude better than I anticipated. It’s obviously still early days but just wanted to give a counter perspective.


Oh honey. A month is nothing. Being a child of divorce lasts a lifetime.


For many women here, DH ran off with some other woman and refused to even consider staying together. The women have to do the best they can with the situation.
Anonymous
Post 10/02/2018 16:44     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
When I was going through my divorce trial I found comfort in reading actual divorce cases in Virginia DC and Maryland via the links below.

http://www.courts.state.va.us/opinions/home.html
https://mdcourts.gov/opinions/opinions
https://www.dccourts.gov/court-of-appeals/opinions-memorandum-of-judgments

Sorry have no recommendations for children.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 20:58     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Began the divorce process, and our 7 & 9 year old children are aware divorce is coming.

I'm looking for suggestions on fiction Children's chapter books that have children of divorce as the main characters.

The Great Treehouse War by Lisa Graff should be in your most Public library systems by now. I am looking for books similar to this. Thanks


If you have girls (or even if you don't) the American Girl book (or set of books) called Julie is about a girl in the 70s who's parents divorced.

fyi those AG historical books are fantastic. Just in case your divorce involves a move: We moved, and wow after reading about what other kids had to go through (Kit during the great depression), Addie running away from slavery and moving to Massachusetts and not knowing how to read, Kaya a Native American girl getting kidnapped by another tribe, Josephina my favorite...so interesting, but also, helpful, because the characters go through hard stuff and come out ok.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 20:38     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I told my kids about our divorce about a month ago, ages 9 & 11. I was terrified based on all the doom and gloom but tbh it really has been orders of magnitude better than I anticipated. It’s obviously still early days but just wanted to give a counter perspective.


Oh honey. A month is nothing. Being a child of divorce lasts a lifetime.


This. Tweens are the easiest age for divorce. They're old enough to sort of handle their emotions, better than little kids. They're able to sort of manage their belongings over two households. And they're not as aware as older teenagers, who might catch on about cheating or dating or understand that they're going to be adult children of divorce forever and it will be a hassle forever. So just give it some time, PP. Everyone catches on eventually.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 19:16     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:I told my kids about our divorce about a month ago, ages 9 & 11. I was terrified based on all the doom and gloom but tbh it really has been orders of magnitude better than I anticipated. It’s obviously still early days but just wanted to give a counter perspective.


Oh honey. A month is nothing. Being a child of divorce lasts a lifetime.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 13:39     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
The Amber Brown series by Paula Danziger
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 13:27     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:We recently read The Great Shelby Holmes and I'm drawing a blank on the next one, but it might be something like Mr. Henderson's letters....both characters tennish boys whose parents recently divorced.


It's Dear Mr. Henshaw.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 13:26     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
We recently read The Great Shelby Holmes and I'm drawing a blank on the next one, but it might be something like Mr. Henderson's letters....both characters tennish boys whose parents recently divorced.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 12:24     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
I told my kids about our divorce about a month ago, ages 9 & 11. I was terrified based on all the doom and gloom but tbh it really has been orders of magnitude better than I anticipated. It’s obviously still early days but just wanted to give a counter perspective.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2018 12:21     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
I am a child of divorced parents. As I look back I realized my family, as I thought it should be "died." It no longer existed and I really didn't like the new picture of our family. Nobody let me grieve and nobody tried to listen to my thoughts or pain, so I became a pain to them all. This is not good. As I see it now, I realized also that it seemed to me nobody was in control and taking care of us, so I took on the task and tried to straighten them all out. This again is not good. An elementary age child simply doesn't have the wisdom and ability to deal with all of this and in reality shouldn't have to do so.

Stories are good and here's some possible suggestions on books at https://list.ly/list/2EUp-mending-hearts-in-the-midst-of-broken-families. But as has been said, they are not always real. I really think that maybe folks don't want to face reality and write it down. And to be fair my reality may not be your reality and so forth. But for me I felt robbed of my life. I don't know that it would have been any better if my parents had stayed together and I don't know the circumstances of your marriage or divorce. In my family, I just wanted everybody to "grow up" and honor the vows they had taken. Hang in there Mom, you are on the right track trying to help.

I pray for God to give you wisdom and understanding. I pray for you as you enter this phase of your life. I pray for your children and your husband. I pray that you will find the support that you need. I pray that your children will receive the help they need as they process this loss and learn to live in the next season of their lives. I pray that God will heal and bless this family. Amen.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2018 09:44     Subject: Books for children of Divorce
Books for you: Sandcastles, and The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce.

Try to find them books that realistically acknowledge the loss. The whole yay, two houses! thing is BS and they will see through it.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2018 07:56     Subject: Books for children of Divorce

Began the divorce process, and our 7 & 9 year old children are aware divorce is coming.

I'm looking for suggestions on fiction Children's chapter books that have children of divorce as the main characters.

The Great Treehouse War by Lisa Graff should be in your most Public library systems by now. I am looking for books similar to this. Thanks