Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was a Freshman in High School we happened to be in Pittsburgh and so took the opportunity to visit U Pitt. It was just before graduation time so many students were out and about and looked very cheerful. They were all wearing typical spring/summer clothes that high school students wear. My DD's comment was "they look just like high school students"! She must have thought college students are mature and look lot different than high school students. U Pitt also has nice vibrant surroundings and there are lot of things to do for students in the city. She also liked the spirit exhibited by the students. We had a good campus tour, had lunch at a restaurant that students frequent and later had a coffee/hot chocolate at Starbucks within walking distance of the admissions office.

I am not suggesting that you and your DD should consider U Pitt. But a visit similar to that, if not to U Pitt itself, will in my opinion, cheer your DD and lessen the anxiety she feels about college life. All the best to your DD. Mine is also a Junior.

Yes! This is exactly what we need to see. Any of the schools on our prospective list offer this kind of vibe?

I am the poster to whom you responded. We are not looking at SLACs as my DD is interested in urban settings and wants to major in Biology related area. We felt National Universities will have greater opportunity for her to do research in the labs on campus as an undergrad.

What about Hamilton, Elon, Dickinson, Dennison, Quinnipiac, etc?

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was a Freshman in High School we happened to be in Pittsburgh and so took the opportunity to visit U Pitt. It was just before graduation time so many students were out and about and looked very cheerful. They were all wearing typical spring/summer clothes that high school students wear. My DD's comment was "they look just like high school students"! She must have thought college students are mature and look lot different than high school students. U Pitt also has nice vibrant surroundings and there are lot of things to do for students in the city. She also liked the spirit exhibited by the students. We had a good campus tour, had lunch at a restaurant that students frequent and later had a coffee/hot chocolate at Starbucks within walking distance of the admissions office.

I am not suggesting that you and your DD should consider U Pitt. But a visit similar to that, if not to U Pitt itself, will in my opinion, cheer your DD and lessen the anxiety she feels about college life. All the best to your DD. Mine is also a Junior.

Yes! This is exactly what we need to see. Any of the schools on our prospective list offer this kind of vibe?

Thank you all for the quick and thoughtful feedback. I truly appreciate it.

For the PP who wanted to know why these schools: DD is a serious kid -- very bright, high-achieving, intellectually curious, and passionate about social justice issues, and we think will thrive in a smaller setting where she can have interaction with her professors. Also avoiding schools where Greek life dominates the social scene. Her college counselor did recommend we look at the schools on the list, so I'm hoping to start with one that seems less intense and where kids look happy. (And for example I've avoided Swarthmore and U Chicago because of their reputations for intensity.).

We are definitely prioritizing schools that are within driving range. That's why Haverford is on the list, although it's a bit small for her I think. I think Philadelphia would be the perfect distance for her, but having trouble finding schools that would be a good fit. We might tour Bryn Mawr as well, although she has not expressed interest in a women's college.

We have already done a few local tours for schools that she's not interested in attending, so we agree that was a good idea!

15:46 -That's an interesting insight about the small vs. large school for an anxious kid. Her counselor said that some of the larger schools we were considering (Michigan, Wisconsin, Cornell) might feel too large and overwhelming, but you have a good point about being around the same type of people for four years in a smaller school.

And 15:48 -- I would so love to sign her up for the Oberlin all day event and I've looked at that registration a dozen times over the last week, but I am a little worried that might be too much for her. It's 8:30 - 4:30, and it might just be too overwhelming for her first "real" tour. Otherwise it sounds perfect.

Thank you again everyone for all the good food for thought.

When my DD was a Freshman in High School we happened to be in Pittsburgh and so took the opportunity to visit U Pitt. It was just before graduation time so many students were out and about and looked very cheerful. They were all wearing typical spring/summer clothes that high school students wear. My DD's comment was "they look just like high school students"! She must have thought college students are mature and look lot different than high school students. U Pitt also has nice vibrant surroundings and there are lot of things to do for students in the city. She also liked the spirit exhibited by the students. We had a good campus tour, had lunch at a restaurant that students frequent and later had a coffee/hot chocolate at Starbucks within walking distance of the admissions office.

I am not suggesting that you and your DD should consider U Pitt. But a visit similar to that, if not to U Pitt itself, will in my opinion, cheer your DD and lessen the anxiety she feels about college life. All the best to your DD. Mine is also a Junior.

Anonymous wrote:I would start by touring a college very nearby that she’s NOT interested in. So if she wants a small LAC go look at UMD. No travel and she can practice being on campus and doing the tour, asking a question, filling out the form, etc with zero pressure. She’s not ever going back there. It might help her feel more comfortable and give her a point of comparison.

NP. This is a great idea above, OP! Do this.

Also, OP: Would your DD be more comfortable with a fairly anonymous "info session plus walking tour" visit, where she was a face in a large crowd of kids, or might she actually be more engaged and less stressed by going to a more detailed event--? Many colleges do a spring or fall "focus day" (names for the day vary) where there may be info session plus general tour but also a chance to sit on on a class; panel discussion with current students at the college; chance to see dorms; tours of specific academic departments that are not on the usual general tour; a meal in a college cafeteria; etc. Only you know if your DD would find that kind of special day so engaging that she'd be less anxious or so busy she'd be overwhelmed and more anxious. Just look into it. Be sure you're on the email list of prospective students for all the colleges mentioned, so you get notice of those special prospective student days. (And yes, I do mean that a parent should be on the list for the colleges of greatest interest -- my DD was so focused on school and got do much college stuff sent to her that she didn't always spot these sorts of days on offer).

We did a day like that last spring break at Oberlin and I'd recommend it there and elsewhere, but try just one to see if it's great or if it's too much for your DD.

OP, my daughter has anxiety too. Not severe, but she does not want a small instense SLAC with only 1500 kids and where you have to live on campus most years there and be surrounded by the same type of people. Maybe it seems ideal, but most of the colleges are high pressure smaller side schools.

I felt Tufts' surroundings were a little dicey/sketchy (for someone how is already anxious).

I have not been to Middlebury but know someone who transferred out because she felt the kids were mostly rich and spoiled.

We liked Bowdoin a lot. Not sure about those Maine winters.

If you visit Carleton (speaking of winters!), maybe swing by St. Olaf's. That sounds like a gentle place to spend four years.

Hard to believe that superb schools like Middlebury and Carleton aren’t academically very, very demanding and intense.

Anonymous wrote:Suggest Haverford. The small, self-contained community is very supportive, probably due to its Quaker roots. Many of the faculty live around the campus. There is an honor code. We really liked the vibe.

I will also say that if your child has such a history, you might want to be within driving range.

Haverford is uniformity-oriented. The college is small and there is not a great deal to do on campus. The Homor Code stifles rather than facilitates respectul differences, and academically Haverford can’t be compared to several of the other listed colleges and universities; Tufts and WUSTL in particular have much wider curricula and much more diverse and active student bodies. Haverford seems pleasant for a few hours of initial exposure, but don’t read too much into the place. It’s basically a degree-granting prep school after high school. I went there and transferred.

Take Bowdoin, Haverford, Wash U, and Tufts off your list. Too intense. I would never send an anxious kid to any of these schools.

Oberlin is chill, but is granola as heck.

Middlebury and Carleton are probably good options.

Suggest Haverford. The small, self-contained community is very supportive, probably due to its Quaker roots. Many of the faculty live around the campus. There is an honor code. We really liked the vibe.

I will also say that if your child has such a history, you might want to be within driving range.

I would start by touring a college very nearby that she’s NOT interested in. So if she wants a small LAC go look at UMD. No travel and she can practice being on campus and doing the tour, asking a question, filling out the form, etc with zero pressure. She’s not ever going back there. It might help her feel more comfortable and give her a point of comparison.

Maybe not the most cut throat schools, but the work load and seriousness of students at the colleges you listed are high. Why these schools?

My junior has anxiety, and it has been very challenging to figure out where to tour, because the whole topic has her very worried. We (and her doctor) agree that it would probably be a good idea to visit a school or two, so she can get some exposure and hopefully see that college looks fun.

I might schedule a college trip to look at one of the schools in the title. I'd love to start with one that doesn't feel super-intense, where kids seem happy to be there and enjoying the experience. Any thoughts as to which of these schools might fit the bill? Thanks for thoughts.