I hear you OP. I have a 22 month old after 2mmc, both of which happened after seeing the hb once (though the second one was slow from the start). With DD I was extremely anxious -- had serious intestinal issues (sorry tmi) before every 1st tri ultrasound. My patience has never been more tested. But we made it, somehow. There's nothing really to advise except try to distract yourself as much as possible. I binge watched a lot of TV in the days leading up to ultrasounds. And I told myself that things would ultimately be ok one way or another if it didnt work out. I still feel incredibly lucky that things did work out.