It sounds like she is only isolating herself from the family events, which can be overwhelming considering everyone will be asking her about school. I failed a semester and DH dropped out of college at one point. He worked then went to a community college before transferring. He always said he wasn’t ready before that and needed to work for a while. I didn’t have a reason other than not liking school. I needed to mature and I switched my major. My parents told me to work full time or keep attending school. I choose school and they kept me there on academic probation.

Anonymous wrote:Depression or adhd or both.

That’s what caused me to stop going to class and drop out.

Depression or adhd or both.

OP - First of all, it will have to be DH and her Mom with a united front so that she does not play the adults off one another who agree to a plan of support for for her. It is not unusual for mental health issues to arise in college, and she may not even realize fully why why thongs fell apart.

- She needs to see a doctor for a mental health screening. I would say a psychologist who could assess ans make a judgment of whether therapy alone or a referral to a medical doctor for medication would be warranted.

- She would probably do better to find a job and get used to being in a routine again, out of the house and relating to other folks. Rather than having her on a treadmill of a full-time job, a part-time job might provide structure AND flexibility to deal with health issues first, figure out why college did not work,
get some counseling related to careers, her interests and pathways there as a 4 year degree is not the only way. Also, she could have the time to look at volunteering or doing some job shadowing/unpaid internship (part-time) if she defines a career interest before going backmtomschool again.

- Expectations on what she will need to do as an adult member of the household will need to be set forth and what is not acceptable as this is not a college dorm setting.

- It is important to talk in terms of future goals and to set timelines as appropriate to help her move forward because even with a MH diagnosis. It may take medication and therapy to help her move forward. If there are other children in the home, you and DH will also need to set clear expectations for how she interacts with them, too.

We went through this with our oldest daughter even when grades never were the issue. In many ways today the pressures and daily rigors of HighnSchool years to get to college often leave little time for self reflection on what will happen once one is there or even why did I really choose a certain school.

My dh and I were both college drop outs. I had gotten in the habit of skipping class/not studying and doing half azzed, last second work on my assignments. Why? I was out having fun, drinking, hanging out with friends, falling in love, going on hikes, tubing down rivers, taking impromptu road trips to the beach. I loved the freedom of college although I didn't always make wise choices.

After I flunked out, I went back to live at my parents' house. I got a full time job and saved every penny that I earned so that I could move out soon and get my own place.

I'm sharing this story as a contrast to what your daughter is dealing with now. She has apparently flunked out of school because she was not motivated to study, do her coursework or go to class. It doesn't sound as though she was doing much of anything while she was away at school. She is now at home staying in the spare bedroom and she is not even motivated to look for work much less get a full time job. She does sound depressed, Op.

I hope she sees a doctor soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step daughter dropped out (well, flunked out) of first year college. Always got good grades in High School and loved math/robotics/coding. Didn't want to go to college but her mom and dad pushed her into it. Went out of state and didn't go to class/flunked every class.
Decided not to go back this year. Now living in spare bedroom, no job and does nothing around the house. Does not appear depressed, just isolates from everyone.
What is 'giving space/time' and enabling?

Op, a student who did well suddenly flunking every class is a sign of depression. Isolating from everyone is a sign of depression.

Are you really that clueless and uncaring. Please rise above a stereotype.

+100

Find a good therapist.

Anonymous wrote:Did the university give her official notice that she was not allowed back?

- many people say,"flunk out" when that's not accurate

I am not sure. She did not complete any class due to not attending or doing any work.

OP here.
She interacts with us and a few friends but does not want to go to any extended family activities/events. I am not sure how much is she doesn't want to answer the questions "how is college" and how much is she just wants some space or is purposely isolating.

She has no clue what she wants to do for a job, did apply at a few places but did not get hired. She is just sort of there right now.

I think part may be she found college harder than expected or she didn't really want to go but mom/dad pushed her so she went but did basically nothing.

There isn't a joint front yet from the adults as to how to best handle, which of course is not helping.

Did the university give her official notice that she was not allowed back?

- many people say,"flunk out" when that's not accurate

I failed out of college, OP. I stopped going to classes halfway through the semester.

My parents rule was that I had to do some combination of things that equaled full time. And if I was working, I had to pay rent. So I could go to school full time, half time and work half time, or work full time. I did every combination of these options. I ultimately got an associates degree.

Anonymous wrote:Step daughter dropped out (well, flunked out) of first year college. Always got good grades in High School and loved math/robotics/coding. Didn't want to go to college but her mom and dad pushed her into it. Went out of state and didn't go to class/flunked every class.
Decided not to go back this year. Now living in spare bedroom, no job and does nothing around the house. Does not appear depressed, just isolates from everyone.
What is 'giving space/time' and enabling?

Op, a student who did well suddenly flunking every class is a sign of depression. Isolating from everyone is a sign of depression.

Are you really that clueless and uncaring. Please rise above a stereotype.

Anonymous wrote:Give her 60 days to find a job and pay some minimal rent and/or community college.

How about not setting arbitrary deadlines and get her help for depression.

Job and/or community college or military.

Give her 60 days to find a job and pay some minimal rent and/or community college.

Step daughter dropped out (well, flunked out) of first year college. Always got good grades in High School and loved math/robotics/coding. Didn't want to go to college but her mom and dad pushed her into it. Went out of state and didn't go to class/flunked every class.
Decided not to go back this year. Now living in spare bedroom, no job and does nothing around the house. Does not appear depressed, just isolates from everyone.
What is 'giving space/time' and enabling?