Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is EXPENSIVE! I waited until I could really afford it. I don't understand how people do it on the cheap. I had to pay off my bills to get ready, be able to afford moving and buying all new stuff and the lawyer's expense. It was more than I planned. I have 50/50 custody so I don't get any child support. That was just my ex being an ass, but I knew he would pull that. In the end, I decided my sanity was more important. I am so happy that I did it. My kids were actually mad b/c I waited so long.

If you have equal income, why would you get child support.

It's not unusual if the parents have vastly different incomes-for the child's benefit.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is EXPENSIVE! I waited until I could really afford it. I don't understand how people do it on the cheap. I had to pay off my bills to get ready, be able to afford moving and buying all new stuff and the lawyer's expense. It was more than I planned. I have 50/50 custody so I don't get any child support. That was just my ex being an ass, but I knew he would pull that. In the end, I decided my sanity was more important. I am so happy that I did it. My kids were actually mad b/c I waited so long.

If you have equal income, why would you get child support.

Divorce is EXPENSIVE! I waited until I could really afford it. I don't understand how people do it on the cheap. I had to pay off my bills to get ready, be able to afford moving and buying all new stuff and the lawyer's expense. It was more than I planned. I have 50/50 custody so I don't get any child support. That was just my ex being an ass, but I knew he would pull that. In the end, I decided my sanity was more important. I am so happy that I did it. My kids were actually mad b/c I waited so long.

giaeve707 wrote:Have you done counseling at all? There are underlying issues that are behind the anger. Jumping in and working through those issues can make a marriage better and stronger. If you’ve committed to a marriage and have created a family, that is all worth fighting for. Since you have a child together, you will be in each other’s lives a really long time. At least giving it a fight and working through the issues can give a sense of peace if down the road you decide to not stay together.

or it can make them bitter as hell for not dissolving the marriage earlier. the dating scene is filled with these folks.

Have you done counseling at all? There are underlying issues that are behind the anger. Jumping in and working through those issues can make a marriage better and stronger. If you’ve committed to a marriage and have created a family, that is all worth fighting for. Since you have a child together, you will be in each other’s lives a really long time. At least giving it a fight and working through the issues can give a sense of peace if down the road you decide to not stay together.

I think we ruined this thread by giving extremely reasonable advice.

Now is the time to lay the groundwork for an amicable divorce. It will save you a LOT of money. You are only doing yourself a disservice. We had infidelity so it's not like there weren't issues, and regardless the process was really straightforward. Since we had children, acted like adults, and worked together to come towards an equitable division of assets despite his bad behavior, the lawyer's fees were minimal. Neither of you are going to be 100% happy, and that's compromise.

Better for you both to get out now. If you both want 50% or more of custody, just agree to that now. Work with a mediator on dividing assets and the details of custody, and go in with the understanding the more you fight it out the less money you walk away with. That approached really helped my ex and I. Ours was a rough divorce with infidelity, but I would rather our assets go to one of us (even if it was her) than to a lawyer. At the end of the process, I think we both felt that we got a little less than our respective share, but that was okay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One person divides the assets in halves and the other gets to pick a half.

BRILLIANT.

This is a classic way to deal with squabbling children. They both want the last cookie? One kid cuts it in half -- the other kid gets first choice.

Anonymous wrote:One person divides the assets in halves and the other gets to pick a half.

BRILLIANT.

One person divides the assets in halves and the other gets to pick a half.

How old is your child?

Anonymous wrote:There doesn't HAVE to be financial fallout. Sell the investment properties or come to an agreement on who gets what and split them amicably. If you two can't do that, then maybe you deserve to be miserable. Just kidding...sort of. But really, you have the choice to allow be unwilling to bend and not be reasonable in the division of assets or you can choose to work together. You can choose to hire a high priced attorney or mediator or you can choose to do it yourself. That only works if you work together, though.

+1. It doesn’t have to be as you describe.

There doesn't HAVE to be financial fallout. Sell the investment properties or come to an agreement on who gets what and split them amicably. If you two can't do that, then maybe you deserve to be miserable. Just kidding...sort of. But really, you have the choice to allow be unwilling to bend and not be reasonable in the division of assets or you can choose to work together. You can choose to hire a high priced attorney or mediator or you can choose to do it yourself. That only works if you work together, though.

DH and I are on the border line of hating each other and bring up the topic of divorce frequently. The only thing stopping us is the child custody dispute that separation would cause and the cost related to the division of our assets. We both work full time but have several investment properties and other various assets together. I dread the legal bills that a divorce would bring. I'm torn between being financially secure and miserable or risk the financial fallout from divorce and just getting it done.