Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Ok. Hmm. Well, what do I do with this? Tell him to call me if he gets to the point where he does actually want a relationship ship? Keep dating him and hope he changes his feelings about being ready for a relationship?

No. You be the adult that he is being and tell him you’re looking for someone who does want a serious relationship right now and move on. You’re at different stages in life.

+1

Listen to what he is saying and quit trying to parse it and analyze it and dissect it. If he says he isn't ready, believe him.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Ok. Hmm. Well, what do I do with this? Tell him to call me if he gets to the point where he does actually want a relationship ship? Keep dating him and hope he changes his feelings about being ready for a relationship?

No. You be the adult that he is being and tell him you’re looking for someone who does want a serious relationship right now and move on. You’re at different stages in life.

I could believe it. I could see with teenagers that if you only have a few more years before they go off to college/move out, if you are only divorced for a year, why would you want to look at being serious enough to merge households/living with someone/remarrying unless you were going to have kids together. Otherwise, just wait the few years. Also 20 years with one person is a long time.

It’s good that he was upfront early on in the relationship - either he isn’t ready or he isn’t really ready to be serious with you - either way better you know now than get in too deep with feelings.

As a divorced person myself you really can’t put a timeline on anything. Especially with kids, it makes things exponentially more complicated. I also think that you can say one thing until you’re blue in the face but if your heart is really feeling someone it’s very hard to override that.

I mean, he’s obviously interested if he’s still going out with you and keeping in regular contact. If you really like him and you’re having fun, don’t worry so much about the label.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Ok. Hmm. Well, what do I do with this? Tell him to call me if he gets to the point where he does actually want a relationship ship? Keep dating him and hope he changes his feelings about being ready for a relationship?

What do you want?

I definitely wouldn’t do the latter.

Op here. Ok. Hmm. Well, what do I do with this? Tell him to call me if he gets to the point where he does actually want a relationship ship? Keep dating him and hope he changes his feelings about being ready for a relationship?

I am 3 years out and am finally ready for a relationship. I was with the same person for 18 yrs.

I’m 3 yrs out after 20 yrs. I’m not ready for anything serious. I’m still trying to figure out what makes me happy. I’m female BTW.

Of course it's plausible. He was married 20 years!

Thanks. Op here. In thinking about the timing - if you add in the separation time, it's been about two years. I think. I didn't want to quiz him too specifically.

Yes very possible he’s not ready. It takes a long time to emotionally adjust after such a huge life change. It’s much better that he’s honest and upfront about it with you. He needs time.

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

Teenagers

How old are the kids?

Guy has been divorced a little over a year. Separated for a bit before that. Two kids, twenty years of marriage. Wife initiated divorce.

He's dating (we have been dating about a month) but told me he's not ready for a serious relationship. Is he just not that into me, or is it plausible that this soon after a divorce he's not ready for anything serious, but could still like me and not just be a player?