Sometimes losing it is such a relief.. I swear. I feel like i’ll catch a disease if I keep it all bottled up

I ignore complaining about their chores. Nobody said they have to LIKE them, just that they have to DO them. You should have ignored the theatrics. If the kids didn't do their chores before dinner, and dinner was the deadline, just tell them they can't eat until chores are done. I don't see what the big deal is here.

1 - take a deep breath and remind yourself that "this too shall pass"

2 - in the example above, you and DH sit down to dinner at the table set for 2. If kids come to the table, let them know then can join you when porch is swept/when dishwasher is loaded. Say it calmly and begin to eat.

3 - if dinner is over and they didn't do their chores, clean up. Let them know they missed their opportunity for dinner, and breakfast will be at xx O'clock, which will be their next opportunity to eat. No snacks, no nothing. To join you for breakfast, chores must be done. They won't starve to death, I promise.

4 - two things to remember: 1- they are getting something out of your reaction (yelling). Maybe its attention, maybe they like to push your buttons, maybe making you mad is just "fun." Whatever. If you can stay calm, firm and friendly, you they won't get the reaction (even a negative one) that they are looking for/expecting. 2 - Imagine if it was someone at work who didn't do what was expected. Would you lose it and scream at them? Probably not. You would express disappointment and move on. Try the same at home. You can't fire your kids, but you can express disappointment (firm and friendly, and CALM!).

It sucks big time with kids sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hear y’a.
No advice. I’ve modeled some horrible behavior.

Yup. Me too. You're not alone.

Me three. It sucks.

Anonymous wrote:No electronics until chores are done. And if they whine about the chore, they get another one. Electronics are a privilege given to members of the family who contribute politely.

+1

I agree to unplug the WiFi.

No electronics until chores are done. And if they whine about the chore, they get another one. Electronics are a privilege given to members of the family who contribute politely.

“It seems like you need some practice doing X. After you get in some practice, we will have dinner.”

Anonymous wrote:No dinner or electronics (or whatever they treasure most) until chores are done. Stay calm, no discussion and let them get it done.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663870/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Teens-Will-Listen/dp/0060741260/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

“After you do X, you can have the WiFi password.”

Anonymous wrote:Hear y’a.
No advice. I’ve modeled some horrible behavior.

Yup. Me too. You're not alone.

I've given up. I'm counting years til they turn 18.

No dinner or electronics (or whatever they treasure most) until chores are done. Stay calm, no discussion and let them get it done.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663870/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Teens-Will-Listen/dp/0060741260/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Hear y’a.
No advice. I’ve modeled some horrible behavior.

My 13 yo DD and 11 yo DS are generally very good. They get good grades, are personable and polite to family and friends, etc

The one exception - me. And I’ve had it. Here’s an example: they each had three chores to do today. I didn’t nag or pester, just said they had to be done by dinner. Well It’s getting close to dinner and I calmly remind them they haven’t finished their chores.

My son flops in a chair and whines that he needs some time to rest because his legs hurt. His chore was to sweep the porch.

My DD has to load the dishwasher. She whines she doesn’t know how so my husband - nice as could be - says he’ll help her. She makes this mopey face and plops down into a chair not listening to him nor did she say thanks to him.

I see this and explode on the both of them! That we ask very little of them and is it that much to ask for less whining and a little energy?!

This dynamic used to be infrequent but it’s been happening EVERY DAY and I’m at my wits end! I hate how I explode as I don’t think it sets a good example of how to behave but it’s INFRUIATING! FWIW I manage a team of 125 people at work and that is an emotional cakewalk compared to this.