OP here. Not a MIL and don't have a MIL, the way I read all the posts here is that DILs are constantly nit picking, pulling apart every single word and action of their MILs. Ok, so it is not sexual, but it is a competition for whom DH loves more, in the eyes of DILs. DILs are insecure, and as another pp pointed out, fighting for their place as top woman in the family. Hence posts about wanting to host events, and MILs being unhappy about it. Hence posts about MIL not changing DD's clothes one weekend, hence constant giving her my piece of mind posts. Some MILs might hate you, some might be insane, by but far it is my impression that DILs start nitpicking, never letting go of an issue and seeing wrong in any action. Hence proving to DH that she, his wife is better care giver, earner, housekeeper and any array of imagined acts she thinks she is being judged for, in hopes of alienating him from his mother. This is a dance as old as history of humans. DILs can't really help it for the most part. It is only as they grow older that they are able to relax about their place in the family. Hence this struggl is pretty normal. But, for most part MILs don't start it, they don't have to, they are top dog already, hence DILs start this dance.

Lol. My husband can't stand his mom

My wife doesn't hate my mother. She probably should, though.

I don't hate her but why do i need to go fly there and see her. Why can't she meet us somewhere. She is very capable of flying and driving. I just don't want to see the same boring place twice a year for the 5th year. Plus, the plane tickets for 3 definitely cost more than plane tickets for 1 person to come here or find another location.

There's a middle ground between hating your MIL and being her BFF. Most people I know are somewhere in that middle ground.

Anonymous wrote:Mine called me a whore and accused me of stealing DH. I'm fairly certain that's a strong indication that she hates me.

Mine's a racist.

I LOVE my MIL.

Stereotype much??

I get along better with my MIL than my mom. And my husband is very much a 'momma's boy.'

Mine called me a whore and accused me of stealing DH. I'm fairly certain that's a strong indication that she hates me.

Meh, not really.

From this link: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/deanna-brann-phd/the-mildil-competition-it_b_4461464.html

The main factor in why it’s so different between MILs and DILs is that there’s an undercurrent of competition between the two women — but it’s not what you’re probably thinking. Most of us want to believe that this competition is for the husband/son’s love. That’s not it. The competition is actually for the influence each woman has over this man in the middle.

This is an unspoken competition. Most women will feel some tension around something the other did or said, and then they will find fault with the actions displayed by the other. For example, a DIL may complain that her husband’s mother won’t let go, or a MIL might say that her son’s wife wants to keep him from the rest of his family. Making these statements or having these reactions is really how each woman tries to deal with the covert competition. These statements and/or reactions are the consequence of this undercurrent of competition, not the cause.

I think of it as a scuffle for control of the family culture. Family culture is largely established and maintained by women, so when a man marries, his wife creates the new family's culture. If that culture is at odds with the culture in the husband's family of origin, his mother (who established that family of origin culture) experiences it as a rejection and feels threatened.

cool story bro

oooookay

You wanna provide some context, OP?

Mkay.

You have to hate her and find wrong with her, you are young, insecure and not sure of your place in your husband's life. But, try to relax a bit, she is not a sexual rival, even if your own brain thinks she is. Love her a little, and you'll love yourself more.