Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:57     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.


Your siblings grew up! Sometimes, that never happens, sadly.


No - her siblings were prejudiced against single people and once she or was married deemed her worth communicating to as an equal.

I am the single youngest in my family and my family values me so little it is ridiculous. It is absurd how much better I get treated when I am in a relationship.


First PP here and I agree with this assessment. Both of my siblings (sisters, FWIW) got married before 25 so they couldn't relate to me still being single at 30. For them, getting married was when they felt like they entered adulthood and they couldn't or wouldn't comprehend that I could both have my act together as a "real" adult AND be single. When I finally met DH and got married, I guess I finally checked that last box on the "Are you ready to enter adulthood?" checklist they had so they let me into their club.


But wait! Did you have kids yet? Because some people think you're just playing house and aren't a family until there are 3+ of you.


Yep and there was yet another big jump in respect / "you're one of us now" behavior after we had a kid.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:51     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Ha no! I'm probably the bossy younger sister. :o
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:47     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.


Your siblings grew up! Sometimes, that never happens, sadly.


No - her siblings were prejudiced against single people and once she or was married deemed her worth communicating to as an equal.

I am the single youngest in my family and my family values me so little it is ridiculous. It is absurd how much better I get treated when I am in a relationship.


First PP here and I agree with this assessment. Both of my siblings (sisters, FWIW) got married before 25 so they couldn't relate to me still being single at 30. For them, getting married was when they felt like they entered adulthood and they couldn't or wouldn't comprehend that I could both have my act together as a "real" adult AND be single. When I finally met DH and got married, I guess I finally checked that last box on the "Are you ready to enter adulthood?" checklist they had so they let me into their club.


But wait! Did you have kids yet? Because some people think you're just playing house and aren't a family until there are 3+ of you.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:39     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.


Your siblings grew up! Sometimes, that never happens, sadly.


No - her siblings were prejudiced against single people and once she or was married deemed her worth communicating to as an equal.

I am the single youngest in my family and my family values me so little it is ridiculous. It is absurd how much better I get treated when I am in a relationship.


First PP here and I agree with this assessment. Both of my siblings (sisters, FWIW) got married before 25 so they couldn't relate to me still being single at 30. For them, getting married was when they felt like they entered adulthood and they couldn't or wouldn't comprehend that I could both have my act together as a "real" adult AND be single. When I finally met DH and got married, I guess I finally checked that last box on the "Are you ready to enter adulthood?" checklist they had so they let me into their club.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:31     Subject: Re:Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Yep, apparently we just cannot manage without her input. However do we live?
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:23     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
I have two older siblings and they are both great. We all moved into having peer-type relationships once I graduated from high school.
Anonymous
Post 07/03/2018 11:12     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
38 and still trying to get my older siblings to treat me like an adult and peer.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 15:38     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
I have a condescending older sibling. He is a lawyer, married to a narcissist lawyer and they think they are great. No shit, the SIL said to me a few weeks ago when we were talking about how hard or not hard it is to keep a home tidy when you have a toddler, "Well. We're extraordinary."

NO YOU ARE NOT. You have a nanny and a cleaning lady!
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 15:37     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.


Your siblings grew up! Sometimes, that never happens, sadly.


No - her siblings were prejudiced against single people and once she or was married deemed her worth communicating to as an equal.

I am the single youngest in my family and my family values me so little it is ridiculous. It is absurd how much better I get treated when I am in a relationship.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 15:33     Subject: Re:Do you have a bossy older sibling?
I do. I find that it's mostly because he is insecure.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 15:25     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
I have a brother who is always trying to tell you what you HAVE to do in any situation and backs it up with "they did a study" or "there was an article."

One time, he told me about how "they" do things in my industry, which has nothing to do with his profession. So he read an article once and he became more of an expert than I was, having actually worked in the field.


When we were in our 20s, it annoyed the hell out of me. Now, I find it amusing.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 12:52     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Anonymous wrote:Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.


Your siblings grew up! Sometimes, that never happens, sadly.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 12:34     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
Both of my older siblings are bossy. They mean well but it was very hard for them to view me as an adult until I was well into my 30s and our relationships suffered as a result. I managed it by drastically reducing the amount I communicated with them. The less they knew about my life, the less they could "advise" on.

When I got married, something seemed to click into place for them and they finally backed off a bit with the bossiness. Now we can actually talk about our lives without it devolving into "you need to do this, you need to do that" discussions.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 12:17     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
No, because I am the bossy older sibling [a little honesty here], but an appropriate response with anyone expressing their opinions in on your life would be, "Thanks, l'll keep that in mind." Then do whatever you want.
Anonymous
Post 07/02/2018 11:20     Subject: Do you have a bossy older sibling?
I have one. Her life is a mess but she thinks she can tell me what to do.

What a joke!