PP here. Oh, and I still live in Mt. Rainier.

I lived in a tiny apartment that was privately owned and racked up a ton of debt on fun stuff like groceries and utilities. I wore the same crappy clothes for years. I purchased almost nothing that wasn’t a necessity. I felt jealous of people who seemingly (key word: seemingly) struggled less. It was worth it. I’d do it again. My kid is in high school now. He was two-and-a-half when I left his dad.

You kids are still young and will adapt to a new neighborhood. Do you want to stay in the same location due to your support network of friends?

If you cannot bend on staying in the area, I would advise finding a privately owned condo over an apartment building. Rent increases are much more management with a private landlord than a corporation, plus apartment buildings tend to offer rent specials that mean your rent increased drastically after the first year. I live in Rockvillle near Pike and Rose in a two bedroom, 2.5 bath garden style condo for $1900 (I pay for cable, gas and electric). I've been lucky to have a landlord with two young girls, and has taken a very paternal attitude towards making sure the place runs smoothly and hasn't raised my rent in the 3 years I've lived there.

I make approximately 100K and split the cost of childcare with my XDH 50/50 for one one pre-school age toddler. I receive no additional financial assistance from him.

I received a chunk of equity from our shared home when he bought me out, but currently moved into a better school cluster where I'm renting.

The first step is to recognize you cannot live as you did before and that cuts and changes will need to be made.

Anonymous wrote:My friends who've done this have gone the 1-bedroom route. The kids get the bedroom to share and the mom sleeps on a sleeper sofa.

This. Or you all sleep in the same room, the mom uses a closet elsewhere for her stuff to avoid waking them up.

My friends who've done this have gone the 1-bedroom route. The kids get the bedroom to share and the mom sleeps on a sleeper sofa.

If their father's residence entitles them to a good school, then you can live in a cheaper area.

Step #1 is to face reality: You can't afford what you used to, so something must be cut.

Agree with others that if your kids aren't yet in school this is a good time to move to a cheaper neighborhood. For little kids, you really don't need a nice apt or a nice neighborhood, but it is helpful if you and your ex live close to each other.

Do you and your STBX have equity in a home? Are you equal earners or does one of you earn significantly more?

Go after child support (if the income differential is large you’ll get it even with a 50/50 custody split), and live in a cheaper neighborhood. Single parenting is so hard, living paycheck to paycheck just makes it harder.

My friends.. Bethesda moms move to the Kentlands.... everybody else moved to Urbana/Frederick

Rent a 1 bedroom. That's my plan.

Anonymous wrote:If your kids are not even in school yet why don’t you want to stay in the same neighborhood?

Yes, let go of this. That’s limiting you.

If your kids are not even in school yet why don’t you want to stay in the same neighborhood?

I played around with the online child support calculator for my state and got a feel for what I would get and then I played around with the irs calculator to get a feel for what my new take home would be once I started filing as head of household. Then I sat down and hammered out a livable budget.

In my case, I kept our house and refinanced to bring down the payments. My parents gave me some cash to bolster my savings after the buyout, but I could have swung it on my own (they had recently given my sisters the same amount, but held off with me so it wouldn’t muck up the divorce financial settlements).

I have found that my discretionary expenses are so much lower now that it makes up for the fact that I’m paying a larger share proportionally for housing.

I’m sorry OP. Renting a privately owned condo or townhouse is often cheaper than a generic apartment. But it’s the luck of the draw whether you get a good landlord.

Some women move into a larger house together to raise kids in a better neighborhood than they could otherwise afford on their own (co-abode).

And while i know it’s hard to think about relying on child support, whether the man will be reliable about it, that does help. That is supposed to cover the costs related to housing and electricity and food, etc. for the kids. That plus the property settlement. You may get a cash settlement out of it. Maybe it would be enough to put down on a modest townhouse or condo to start.

I have two children- one who will enter school in the fall and another who will be in daycare for 3 more years. I'd like to stay in my current neighborhood, but renting a 2 BR apartment is hard to find under 2,000 per month and that will eat up half of my take home pay. I haven't filed for divorce yet because I'm paralyzed due to the financial implications.

Where do folks live?

Single parents, how do you do it?

What support is out there, especially for women?

Because I know people will ask, my husband is unwilling to reconcile and I've been asking for years for him to go to counseling, alone or together, discuss emotions, etc, and he won't/can't. The strain of living with him is breaking me physically and I need to accept our reality.