Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:47
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
This is the classic bait and switch done in some relationships. Listen to what she is telling you about how she believes she should manage your relationship. Some people believe that they should tell you what you want to hear, and then do differently when they hook you.
I would not compromise on this and would not marry her.
I would not compromise on this and would not marry her.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:37
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This bombshell has been thrown at me out of nowhere. We have just moved in together, been talking about marriage, and having a family. All of the sudden she says she is unsure if she wants kids. It isn’t a no, but she just isn’t sure if she wants to make that sacrifice, and if she did, she only wants 1-2 kids max. I want 3-4. I know people will say just end it, but I’m in love, and thought I found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. We talked explicitly many times about getting married in the next 6 months, and starting a family shortly after that. I’m 35, and she’s 32, so we are planning to expedite things. We are happy, enjoy each others company, and have a great sex kids. I didn’t see any of this coming. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t want me to resent her if we don’t have kids. I’m confused and unsure of things now.
* sex life.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:35
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
Anonymous wrote:This bombshell has been thrown at me out of nowhere. We have just moved in together, been talking about marriage, and having a family. All of the sudden she says she is unsure if she wants kids. It isn’t a no, but she just isn’t sure if she wants to make that sacrifice, and if she did, she only wants 1-2 kids max. I want 3-4. I know people will say just end it, but I’m in love, and thought I found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. We talked explicitly many times about getting married in the next 6 months, and starting a family shortly after that. I’m 35, and she’s 32, so we are planning to expedite things. We are happy, enjoy each others company, and have a great sex kids. I didn’t see any of this coming. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t want me to resent her if we don’t have kids. I’m confused and unsure of things now.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:33
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
See if you can compromise but she may resent you later in the marriage... just something to think about it.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:28
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
Is she worried that you would not pull your fair share? How much do you work now? How often a week do you work late?
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:22
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
She said she doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t want me to resent her if we don’t have kids. I’m confused and unsure of things now.
unfortunately, this is not a promise you can make. It is a fundamental test of compatibility. She might also resent you if you do have kids and she realizes she never wanted them.
I have a feeling she is not going to change her mind about wanting them--perhaps she may agree to keep you, but that's not the same thing.
that being said, its reasonable for her--or someone else--to say that they do not want 3 or 4 kids. I would not want 3-4 kids for a huge number of reasons--and I would not marry someone who would not be happy with only one or two, no matter how great everything else is.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:18
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
I would put a stop on marriage plans. At least she is telling you now. But if she doesn't want kids at all, or only 1, then you should break up. If she's not sure, then she should do some serious thinking and introspection.
A reasonable compromise would be 2 kids. If she is not sure she wants any, its not fair of either of you to stay together.
A reasonable compromise would be 2 kids. If she is not sure she wants any, its not fair of either of you to stay together.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:16
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
Anonymous wrote:This bombshell has been thrown at me out of nowhere. We have just moved in together, been talking about marriage, and having a family. All of the sudden she says she is unsure if she wants kids. It isn’t a no, but she just isn’t sure if she wants to make that sacrifice, and if she did, she only wants 1-2 kids max. I want 3-4. I know people will say just end it, but I’m in love, and thought I found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. We talked explicitly many times about getting married in the next 6 months, and starting a family shortly after that. I’m 35, and she’s 32, so we are planning to expedite things. We are happy, enjoy each others company, and have a great sex kids. I didn’t see any of this coming. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t want me to resent her if we don’t have kids. I’m confused and unsure of things now.
Four kids is a lot. Do you have a lot of money and resources? Ask her again to clarify if she wants kids at all. After all, after you have the first kid you may decide only to have one! There are future kids which are perfect and never cause you any loss of sleep, worry and are always doing what you want: excellent students, athletes, kind, thoughtful and perfect scouts! And then there is reality.
I do agree it she doesn't want any than you are probably not compatible. But, I was unsure too and it was nice to talk it over with my DH, We both agreed on the number and it has worked well ( 2 )
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:15
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
Every guy that I know who wanted 3-4 kids before he got married wanted to stop at 1 after they had a kid. Men aren't exposed to how hard it actually is until they're in the trenches, where women talk to each other about what a drain it can be. She's at the age where her friends are starting to have kids, this is why she's thinking about it very carefully (and you're still thinking you want 4 ASAP because it's a fuzzy but lovely picture you've carried around in your wallet for a decade).
If she doesn't want any, that may be a dealbreaker. But she might be reacting to your (very high for this area, and for your age) number by staking out a much lower number as a negotiation tactic.
If she doesn't want any, that may be a dealbreaker. But she might be reacting to your (very high for this area, and for your age) number by staking out a much lower number as a negotiation tactic.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 17:11
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
This is the conversation to have before you date. What a waste of time. That's why the dating sites have those boxes checked. Want kids, marriage...etc etc.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 16:54
Subject: Re:Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
what else isn't she telling you... you say you talked about getting married and starting family very soon - and then this after you move in together... knowing how important this was to you I have a hard time believing she kept it mum before moving in and all this talk... kids v no kids is a pretty huge disconnect
Anonymous
06/26/2018 16:41
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
Tell her (i) you won't marry her til she's 6 months pregnant and (ii) she has to get pregnant in the next 4 months. Otherwise walk. Your life is too short to waste your time with her. (Nothing wrong with her, mind you; she's just wrong for you.)
Anonymous
06/26/2018 16:36
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
I think expecting someone to agree to or ending a relationship over someone not wanting 3-4 kids is unreasonable.
But kids vs. no kids? That needs to be discussed and preferably agreed upon.
If she is truly on the fence 0 vs. 1 represents a real, fair compromise. That's what DH and I did. It has worked very well.
But kids vs. no kids? That needs to be discussed and preferably agreed upon.
If she is truly on the fence 0 vs. 1 represents a real, fair compromise. That's what DH and I did. It has worked very well.
Anonymous
06/26/2018 16:35
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
3-4 kids at your age is definitely not the hill to die on. Have you asked her why she isn’t sure?
Anonymous
06/26/2018 16:33
Subject: Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Kids
This bombshell has been thrown at me out of nowhere. We have just moved in together, been talking about marriage, and having a family. All of the sudden she says she is unsure if she wants kids. It isn’t a no, but she just isn’t sure if she wants to make that sacrifice, and if she did, she only wants 1-2 kids max. I want 3-4. I know people will say just end it, but I’m in love, and thought I found the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. We talked explicitly many times about getting married in the next 6 months, and starting a family shortly after that. I’m 35, and she’s 32, so we are planning to expedite things. We are happy, enjoy each others company, and have a great sex kids. I didn’t see any of this coming. She said she doesn’t want to lose me, but doesn’t want me to resent her if we don’t have kids. I’m confused and unsure of things now.