2 was manageable. 3 is insane. I wish we hadn't. Forget anything for yourself for the next two decades.

My friend with 6 once told me that after the third one adding more wasn't really a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:There's little difference between 3 and 4. We don't limit our children's activities, and definitely do not have any outside help. Mine are close in age, and very close to each other (I hope they stay that way). I haven't had any trouble taking them to school, picking them up or attending school functions and my kids currently attend 3 different schools. We were actually done at 3, and 4 was a surprise, and while I worried about our family dynamic before #4 arrived, once she arrived there were very little changes to be made, really, besides one extra person, and we moved to a minivan from our SUV. Something to consider, can you afford it, and is your home/car large enough for 4 kids, and do you have the time?

how old are your kids and what activities do they do?

My kids are 2, 3, 9, 22. Since the oldest 3 have big age gaps, I felt like going from 2 to 3 was fairly easy since my older daughter was already a working college student and her needs were taken care of mostly by her. My second was 6 and also slightly independent when our 3rd was born. She could get dressed, eat, go to the bathroom alone etc now when 4th was born, 3rd was 17 months and it was tough for me since I had never had two little ones. I did notice laundry was crazier, so were dishes and housework since it was always a mess from my 3rd. Money was also going fast. Since my 3rd was a boy he got a lot of blue stuff and “boy” things. I had also given away a lot of newborn/baby stuff. And the biggest money issue for us was our car. When I was pregnant with our 3rd we bought a nice mid size Audi SVU. When 4th was born, we had to get a minivan to make things easier. Our Audi was about $50,000 and was barely paid off when we got our minivan. My husband also had his work car and I had my work car. We ended up keeping the Audi and giving my oldest daughter my car and she sold her 2009 Toyota. So for a while we 5 cars!
Also space was an issue for us. When 3rd was born we were in a 2 bedroom apartment then me moved into a 3 bedroom townhome shortly after 4th was born so money has probably been the biggest issue for us
Anyway, things are getting better now since our 3rd & 4th will be in full time daycare

There's little difference between 3 and 4. We don't limit our children's activities, and definitely do not have any outside help. Mine are close in age, and very close to each other (I hope they stay that way). I haven't had any trouble taking them to school, picking them up or attending school functions and my kids currently attend 3 different schools. We were actually done at 3, and 4 was a surprise, and while I worried about our family dynamic before #4 arrived, once she arrived there were very little changes to be made, really, besides one extra person, and we moved to a minivan from our SUV. Something to consider, can you afford it, and is your home/car large enough for 4 kids, and do you have the time?

I have 3 who are in late elementary school/middle school.
I think when kids are young, adding in a 4th isn't a big deal. If you're taking care of 3 young kids, its' not THAT different to take care of 4. More more kid to feed, one more diaper to change. Not a major difference.

However, now that mine are older, I'm really maxed out at 3. We don't over schedule our kids but we have allowed them to develop their own interests. One plays travel baseball, another sings in a choir several days per week. The third plays soccer.
Between practices for all (despite car pools) and all the school events/projects/deadlines, etc. I'm completely maxed out with 3. I didn't feel this way when they were younger but now that they're older I can't imagine having a 4th. The people I know
who do have 4 school aged children either have a lot of help or really, really limit their kids' activities. And I have no idea how they get all the school stuff done with 4. It's a full time job attending school events for 3 (and keeping 3 on track with all the school obligations).

I have four. Big gap in age in the middle. So I feel good that #3 has a similar-age sibling. Kids do most of their own laundry by at age 8. I wouldn’t have done it if we couldn’t afford help.

Anonymous wrote:I always say #4 wasn't like getting a gerbil, but it wasn't NOT like getting a gerbil either. I felt like we could have just kept on going forever ...

M bank account said otherwise, though!

Lol...

I posted right below you about the laundry and cooking.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have this great skill set now that I never use. I am really good at taking care of babies and toddlers now. Something clicked with my fourth.

I would also have more, but my husband is done.

Three sit in a normal car. Four, not so much.

We have three, and I love it, and there's no way we're having a fourth. I know in some ways it could be a less challenging addition, but the added costs for childcare and college are too much. Plus, it's another person who will need attention. I also feel like to truly work for our family, I (the wife) would have to quit working (bc DH has greater earning potential, and also is less well-suited to the management parts of it), and I don't want to do that.

Three is fun. It feels like a pack of kids. I still feel like mostly I'm supervising the kids and managing things rather than being a playmate, and I also like that. We always wanted three, and I love the dynamic.

The laundry.
The cooking.

When you have four kids, your role shifts from mostly playmate to mostly supervising the kids playing together while you do a lot of additional housework/homework supervision/managing schedules.

I don’t know if this is good or bad. I kind of like it personally.

I always say #4 wasn't like getting a gerbil, but it wasn't NOT like getting a gerbil either. I felt like we could have just kept on going forever ...

M bank account said otherwise, though!

Pick ups and drop offs, regardless of you being a SAHM or not. It's technically possible to have three in two stages of school, but it's highly unlikely to not have four in three stages of school. Money is also an obvious issue. If having three, there's also the middle-child syndrome where s/he may feel neglected.

For the pros, I think it'll definitely pay off in terms of the strong team bond y'all will develop (barring any detrimental relationship changes).

We have two as well and are considering three, but are second one has been a handful and we're definitely reconsidering.

I am the youngest of 3. I will say I think one of the PROS of having 3 kids is that the fighting is always 2 vs 1. In my family the allegiances were constantly shifting and usually the two kids who were being reasonable would gang up on the one kid being a total jerk. So we all learned quickly that to get to play, you had to play fair, or the other two would align against you. Now, this was hardest when it was the two younger ones attempting to gang up on the oldest, because he just didn't care that much, but it still generally worked out.

I could see this going poorly if two of the kids are always aligned and constantly ganged up on the third, but that's not how my family was.

I also don't think having 4 kids is any sort of guarantee it won't be 3 vs 1.

Pros and cons of having 3 kids? 4 kids? I like the idea of an even number so the fighting is not always 2 against 1. We currently have 2 and are thinking about adding another one to the mix soon