Anonymous
06/20/2018 20:07
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your group have some ground rules? Pretty sure any credible therapy group would have limits on this already stated.
Yes I think romantic/sexual relationships are pretty much not allowed. After asking my facilitator and therapist about it I understand friendships outside of class are not forbidden - it’s situation and individual dependent. They just don’t want to risk that anything will interfere with coming to class. The facilitator just told me to talk to my therapist about it then my therapist and I did a pros and cons list. That’s partly why i wanted to get some outside opinions here to see what his deal is before proceeding or not.
Not allowed when both individuals are in class together that is.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 20:05
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your group have some ground rules? Pretty sure any credible therapy group would have limits on this already stated.
Yes I think romantic/sexual relationships are pretty much not allowed. After asking my facilitator and therapist about it I understand friendships outside of class are not forbidden - it’s situation and individual dependent. They just don’t want to risk that anything will interfere with coming to class. The facilitator just told me to talk to my therapist about it then my therapist and I did a pros and cons list. That’s partly why i wanted to get some outside opinions here to see what his deal is before proceeding or not.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:55
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:What do YOU think, OP? Do you have room in your life for a platonic friendship with a married man you met in group therapy?
I go back and forth. I don’t see him talking to the other ~6 women the way he chats with me, and then when he gave me my number it made me think it has to be flirting. But then again my self-confidence is low enough that he feels way out of my league looks and maturity wise which makes me wonder if the crush is just making me read too much into it.
As for your second question, idk. I certainly could use new friends and a social circle if it could lead to that. Just want to know what he might be thinking first.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:50
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hitting on you but giving himself outs/deniability.
No other reason for him to mention the "open" marriage.
Just want to clarify he mentioned the open marriage during class discussion not long after I joined the group. I forget what the context was exactly but it was basically “my wife and I closed our marriage and my girlfriend wants to get back together and I’m not sure what to do.”
More recently he discussed in class that he is learning to accept his wife’s limits in terms of emotional availability or whatever and feels like he needs to decide to live with it or move on.
omg. run.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:48
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Yes, and he's gross. Hitting on young women in an expressly vulnerable condition, AND to be in a psychologically/emotionally complex sitation (poly)?? suuuper sketchy.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:47
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:Hitting on you but giving himself outs/deniability.
No other reason for him to mention the "open" marriage.
Just want to clarify he mentioned the open marriage during class discussion not long after I joined the group. I forget what the context was exactly but it was basically “my wife and I closed our marriage and my girlfriend wants to get back together and I’m not sure what to do.”
More recently he discussed in class that he is learning to accept his wife’s limits in terms of emotional availability or whatever and feels like he needs to decide to live with it or move on.
gentry
06/20/2018 19:37
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
If you want casual fun and can process/deal with the fact that you can never have more- then flirt back more openly.
It would be important for your conscience to directly confirm that his wife IS okay with it.
If both of those answers are clear then there is nothing unethical in my opinion.
Let me also just give a 'hell yeah' to the rural swing life!
It would be important for your conscience to directly confirm that his wife IS okay with it.
If both of those answers are clear then there is nothing unethical in my opinion.
Let me also just give a 'hell yeah' to the rural swing life!
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:24
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
What do YOU think, OP? Do you have room in your life for a platonic friendship with a married man you met in group therapy?
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:21
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Doesn't your group have some ground rules? Pretty sure any credible therapy group would have limits on this already stated.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:17
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
PP here. That said, there is the potential for major red flags if he is scoping out emotionally compromised people in group therapy as possible dates.
There can be some super manipulative dudes in the polyamorous scene.
There can be some super manipulative dudes in the polyamorous scene.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 19:13
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Yep, he's into you. She probably knows and is cool with it.
It's only wrong if someone is being coerced or lied to.
It's only wrong if someone is being coerced or lied to.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 18:52
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Hitting on you but giving himself outs/deniability.
No other reason for him to mention the "open" marriage.
No other reason for him to mention the "open" marriage.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 18:22
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am in a therapy program which includes individual therapy and group class.
There’s one guy in my class and he’s very attractive and funny and I’ve had a harmless fun crush on him for a few months. He’s around 35 and I’m 27. Just sort of look forward to seeing him every week. We’ve chatted a couple times after class, just about our experience in the program and experience living in a rural area where it’s hard to meet people. One time he complimented a graphic t shirt I was wearing and we talked about the movie it referenced. In general I get the sense he is in this class more as a self-improvement thing whereas I really have emotional skills deficits that need to change to make my life worth living.
He’s married with kids, but has mentioned in class that he has opened his marriage in the past and he’d had a girlfriend. I’m single.
A few weeks ago when he saw that I had a coffee from a local place he mentioned that he loves that place and always goes there before class to work on our homework. Last week when I had another coffee from there he said “Missed you again!” And then shortly after that he explained that he’s been meaning to give me his number if I wanted to come hang out at his farm, play with his animals, etc because he knows how hard it is to find like-minded friends here.
I’m not really looking for opinions on the ethics/appropriateness of pursuing a relationship, or advice whether not to, but do offer that if you feel like it. I’ve already asked the facilitator of my group about it and discussed it/will continue discussing it with my therapist. In my ideal fantasy if he was into me I would have the skills and emotional maturity to engage in a casual relationship with him but I don’t think I do. Just want a gut check if this is flirting or being nice/platonic.
He is prob in therapy to pick up chicks. Avoid. No way his wofe knows the marriage is open.
I would agree with you but he/his wife are pretty out there hippy dippy (want to have a communal living thing on their farm, grow pot, that kind of thing) so I think it’s legit (in that she knows, not that it’s necesarily healthy or right).
Anonymous
06/20/2018 18:17
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
Anonymous wrote:I am in a therapy program which includes individual therapy and group class.
There’s one guy in my class and he’s very attractive and funny and I’ve had a harmless fun crush on him for a few months. He’s around 35 and I’m 27. Just sort of look forward to seeing him every week. We’ve chatted a couple times after class, just about our experience in the program and experience living in a rural area where it’s hard to meet people. One time he complimented a graphic t shirt I was wearing and we talked about the movie it referenced. In general I get the sense he is in this class more as a self-improvement thing whereas I really have emotional skills deficits that need to change to make my life worth living.
He’s married with kids, but has mentioned in class that he has opened his marriage in the past and he’d had a girlfriend. I’m single.
A few weeks ago when he saw that I had a coffee from a local place he mentioned that he loves that place and always goes there before class to work on our homework. Last week when I had another coffee from there he said “Missed you again!” And then shortly after that he explained that he’s been meaning to give me his number if I wanted to come hang out at his farm, play with his animals, etc because he knows how hard it is to find like-minded friends here.
I’m not really looking for opinions on the ethics/appropriateness of pursuing a relationship, or advice whether not to, but do offer that if you feel like it. I’ve already asked the facilitator of my group about it and discussed it/will continue discussing it with my therapist. In my ideal fantasy if he was into me I would have the skills and emotional maturity to engage in a casual relationship with him but I don’t think I do. Just want a gut check if this is flirting or being nice/platonic.
He is prob in therapy to pick up chicks. Avoid. No way his wofe knows the marriage is open.
Anonymous
06/20/2018 18:12
Subject: Is this dude in my group therapy hitting on me?
I am in a therapy program which includes individual therapy and group class.
There’s one guy in my class and he’s very attractive and funny and I’ve had a harmless fun crush on him for a few months. He’s around 35 and I’m 27. Just sort of look forward to seeing him every week. We’ve chatted a couple times after class, just about our experience in the program and experience living in a rural area where it’s hard to meet people. One time he complimented a graphic t shirt I was wearing and we talked about the movie it referenced. In general I get the sense he is in this class more as a self-improvement thing whereas I really have emotional skills deficits that need to change to make my life worth living.
He’s married with kids, but has mentioned in class that he has opened his marriage in the past and he’d had a girlfriend. I’m single.
A few weeks ago when he saw that I had a coffee from a local place he mentioned that he loves that place and always goes there before class to work on our homework. Last week when I had another coffee from there he said “Missed you again!” And then shortly after that he explained that he’s been meaning to give me his number if I wanted to come hang out at his farm, play with his animals, etc because he knows how hard it is to find like-minded friends here.
I’m not really looking for opinions on the ethics/appropriateness of pursuing a relationship, or advice whether not to, but do offer that if you feel like it. I’ve already asked the facilitator of my group about it and discussed it/will continue discussing it with my therapist. In my ideal fantasy if he was into me I would have the skills and emotional maturity to engage in a casual relationship with him but I don’t think I do. Just want a gut check if this is flirting or being nice/platonic.
There’s one guy in my class and he’s very attractive and funny and I’ve had a harmless fun crush on him for a few months. He’s around 35 and I’m 27. Just sort of look forward to seeing him every week. We’ve chatted a couple times after class, just about our experience in the program and experience living in a rural area where it’s hard to meet people. One time he complimented a graphic t shirt I was wearing and we talked about the movie it referenced. In general I get the sense he is in this class more as a self-improvement thing whereas I really have emotional skills deficits that need to change to make my life worth living.
He’s married with kids, but has mentioned in class that he has opened his marriage in the past and he’d had a girlfriend. I’m single.
A few weeks ago when he saw that I had a coffee from a local place he mentioned that he loves that place and always goes there before class to work on our homework. Last week when I had another coffee from there he said “Missed you again!” And then shortly after that he explained that he’s been meaning to give me his number if I wanted to come hang out at his farm, play with his animals, etc because he knows how hard it is to find like-minded friends here.
I’m not really looking for opinions on the ethics/appropriateness of pursuing a relationship, or advice whether not to, but do offer that if you feel like it. I’ve already asked the facilitator of my group about it and discussed it/will continue discussing it with my therapist. In my ideal fantasy if he was into me I would have the skills and emotional maturity to engage in a casual relationship with him but I don’t think I do. Just want a gut check if this is flirting or being nice/platonic.