Anonymous wrote:
I come down super hard on things like this. My 13 year old doesn't dare anymore.

Good. We need to shut this incel shit down.

I come down super hard on things like this. My 13 year old doesn't dare anymore.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I told my son, "Yes it is your right to say whatever you want. But I am sad and ashamed to hear a child of mine saying these things."

He said it was just a joke, and I said "yeah, I understand that it is just a joke, but I don't like that you are saying it, and I don't want to hear a child of mine saying things like this, not in my house and not in front of me. I can't control what you say to your friends, but I don't think it is right to say these things even as a joke."

That might be okay for run of the mill swearing but op is describing something more serious. Would you advocate this same weary-shrug response if he was saying the n-word? He's a minor under her care and she should respond more strongly than "I don't like that" if it's really offensive, out of the mainstream of teen surliness stuff.

Anonymous wrote:“I’m your mom, not your friend. If you want to sing about child molestation and laugh about it, find somewhere else in the house.” Then ignore.

This is missing just one important point: the disappointment. Without it, tacit approval is being communicated. Add on “It makes me sad and disappointed that you think this is okay. I know you’re better than that. But if you want to sing about children being hurt and laugh about it, I can’t stop you. Do it somewhere else if you must do it.”

“I’m your mom, not your friend. If you want to sing about child molestation and laugh about it, find somewhere else in the house.” Then ignore.

OP, I told my son, "Yes it is your right to say whatever you want. But I am sad and ashamed to hear a child of mine saying these things."

He said it was just a joke, and I said "yeah, I understand that it is just a joke, but I don't like that you are saying it, and I don't want to hear a child of mine saying things like this, not in my house and not in front of me. I can't control what you say to your friends, but I don't think it is right to say these things even as a joke."

OP, have you read this article? It's a few years old, but your story made me think of it:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/sep/26/day-confronted-troll

“You’re being mean, and that’s not what this family is about. That’s not what you’re about and it’s not what you want to be known for. You are bright and funny and can be very kind. This behavior is not kind. Require more of yourself.”

Then stop talking. Let him sit with it. If he gets defensive and tries to engage, respond with “I’ve said what I’ve had to say.” It will be most powerful if both parents are available to share this message together and united.

Anonymous wrote:Nothing good will come out of this for him.


Find an article about a serious issue in volviny race/religion/sexuality. Scroll down to the comments and have him read each one out loud to you. Ask him to put himself in the shoes of the person the insults are being flung at and express his feelings.


Most people who do this come across as ignorant, uneducated and just plain stupid. Is that how he wants to be perceived. After a period of time his two personas will undoubtedly find each other.

Thank you.

Specifically there’s a YouTube. Video w someone singing about Jared from Subway. It’s “a joke” about child molestation. son wanted to show me and I said I didn’t want to see, it’s inappropriate and hurtful. So he came back a few mins later singing the song. He was trying to get me to laugh.

I hate, hate, hate the meme, you tube prank culture. And yes, I hate music that is misogynistic.

The irony is he tells me stories of what kids are talking about at school. Lots of perverted stuff they watch on internet. He tells me how uncomfortable he feels. But then say at home he can be free to, basically be like them. Last night he acknowledged the hypocrisy.

I try for this to be teachable moments but quite honestly, I’m doing a terrible job. Getting angry and punishment feels good for a nano second. It doesn’t work.

Our kids are exposed to way too much. And I’m a parent who has a tight grip on electronics & internet. But I can’t control the phone of his friends. And they are “good” Kids from “good” families.

Nothing good will come out of this for him.


Find an article about a serious issue in volviny race/religion/sexuality. Scroll down to the comments and have him read each one out loud to you. Ask him to put himself in the shoes of the person the insults are being flung at and express his feelings.


Most people who do this come across as ignorant, uneducated and just plain stupid. Is that how he wants to be perceived. After a period of time his two personas will undoubtedly find each other.

Examples please. Is this behavior with his friends or with Grandma present?

Is there such a thing as "typical" teen boy nastiness? I haven't heard that before.

Punish him.

How do parents deal with trolling behavior? My son likes to say highly inappropriate things to get a rise out of people by saying it’s funny. I know some is “typical” teen boy nastiness but it shakes me to my core. I’m definitely easily triggered, brought on by then visceral hate we see and read about every day.