My husband's family is very open and "sharing" about money, so whenever someone floats a joint gift idea for MIL or FIL, everyone pitches in.

However, that only works because it doesn't come across as an imperious demand. It's more of a : "I have this joint gift idea, what do you think?" Yet it always works and nobody ever takes it the wrong way. We are the poor ones in the family, BTW, so we are most affected by the price of the chosen gift.

In your case, though, your MIL does sounds quite demanding. I would leave it up to your husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am not sure what the others think as they are in different state. I don't think it's a phone or text message conversation and would be uncomfortable to bring it up. DH would not even discuss it. So I guess I will just go with the flow but wanted to see if my reaction ubnormal.

Honestly, it depends on what you mean by "demand."

- Hey, your dad's always wanted a teapot smoker, and he was just talking about how they aren't going to be making them anymore in a few years. Why don't you guys go in and get one for his birthday? There's a closeout sale, and it would be about $200 each

is very different from

- I spent $800 on my credit card to get your dad's birthday gift. You each owe me $200, and I expect it by Friday.

It was more of a first option. But with a wording of "send me the money and we go and get it"

For a father no way. Now if it’s a gift for the mother yes.

Anonymous wrote:
I am not sure what the others think as they are in different state. I don't think it's a phone or text message conversation and would be uncomfortable to bring it up. DH would not even discuss it. So I guess I will just go with the flow but wanted to see if my reaction ubnormal.

Honestly, it depends on what you mean by "demand."

- Hey, your dad's always wanted a teapot smoker, and he was just talking about how they aren't going to be making them anymore in a few years. Why don't you guys go in and get one for his birthday? There's a closeout sale, and it would be about $200 each

is very different from

- I spent $800 on my credit card to get your dad's birthday gift. You each owe me $200, and I expect it by Friday.

A monetary gift to MIL will not be seen as a problem by me. I see it as an expense.

Lol. It's almost as presumptuous as my father who emailed us all with a "want list" and opening with "This may be presumptuous, but ..."

Um no. It IS presumptuous.

I think you should just reply to your mom CC'ing all the sibs saying "Hi Helen, That looks beautiful and I'm sure Jack would love it. Unfortunately though, we can not afford a quarter of what that costs so won't be able to participate in the group gift and will get something within our budget."

Then the other siblings can say "Actually, us too. Sorry Helen." or "We forgot you were public school teachers - we'll split it in thirds and just put your name on the card."

I would consider it dh's problem, not mine.

Anonymous wrote:Has the son or daughter you asked his or her other siblings privately whether this is something they want to do?

If they do, it's okay not to go in on a big gift, but its probably easiest.

If there is not a general consensus of support for MIL's plan, it might be worth the siblings presenting her with a united message that they are appreciative of her efforts, but will each be doing something different than she proposed.

I am not sure what the others think as they are in different state. I don't think it's a phone or text message conversation and would be uncomfortable to bring it up. DH would not even discuss it. So I guess I will just go with the flow but wanted to see if my reaction ubnormal.

Has the son or daughter you asked his or her other siblings privately whether this is something they want to do?

If they do, it's okay not to go in on a big gift, but its probably easiest.

If there is not a general consensus of support for MIL's plan, it might be worth the siblings presenting her with a united message that they are appreciative of her efforts, but will each be doing something different than she proposed.

Anonymous wrote:What does your spouse think?

When I raised my eyebrows he kind of acted with "what's your problem" response. So I guess I will just go with it. Just wanted to make sure I am not the crazy one.
The gift will be mostly used by MIL btw.

What does your spouse think?

Totally inappropriate.

Making demands is generally inappropriate.

completely unacceptable. Grown children don't need their mom to plan a gift for dad.

MIL wants to buy my FIL a gift( not going to list what is it as she might be reading forum). And it's pretty expensive. She demanded from 4 children an equal amount for this gift. Do you think it is appropriate to demand sums of money?