I disagree with all the mean-spirited "why are you making her ask, you're controlling, this is rationing" etc. posters above, OP. Wow. Do you folks all let your kids, yes, even 11-year-olds take what they want, when they want? Do they also do the shopping and decide what's in the pantry? Because if they don't have to go out and replace what they eat up, they should be taught that it's good manners to tell the person who DOES the shopping and food planning what's getting eaten up.

I do the food shopping for our household and if DC and my DH are taking food all the time and never telling me what they're eating or that we're nearly out of something -- I go to get food or ingredients and discover we're out of something I planned on serving or using to cook that day. I don't think you're asking too much at all when you ask your child to tell you if she wants X or Y (or if you expect your husband just to let you know he took the last roll or cookie or whatever; you're not asking them to beg you for it, but to let you know so you aren't caught short when you go to get them the next day).

Her telling you, "I'm going to get a snack" also leaves you the option to give your child information she doesn't have, such as: "We're going out to dinner tonight, earlier than usual, so please hold off on the snack since we'll be at dinner in an hour" or whatever she may not know. And yes, it's FINE to tell a child, you cannot have a snack now because we're having dinner/we're nearly out and that one's going into your lunch tomorrow/whatever. That won't cause an eating disorder or make you some evil, controlling parent, no matter what DCUM tells you.

You also don't want to set up a poor dynamic by always saying no to her. So figure out when it is that she seems likeliest to go get food; is it right after school? Maybe she needs a higher-protein lunch that sticks to her longer through the day, or she needs a high-protein snack on the table when she gets in, like yogurt or cheese and crackers. (Often the craving for sweets is actually a craving for proteins, my doctor and her pediatrician both have told us.) If she's getting sweets 30 minutes before dinner, maybe dinnertime needs to move a little earlier. If she never gets sweets after dinner, maybe its' time try having dessert a few times a week instead of having sweet treats readily available in the pantry. And she can't eat what isn't there; stop buying sweets that sit in the pantry to be taken.

Does she think she has to get sweets without letting you know because you'll always say no? Say yes sometimes--which will be easier if you don't have many sweet things around. And please dont' say to your DD that she "sneaks" food if you've been OK with her getting food for herself; that's a mixed message. If the issue is that you're fine with her eating them, but you want to keep up with what's in the pantry since you are the one who fills it -- explain that to her. Kids this age like being treated like they can understand things like that.

If the issue is that the food she wants is sweets, make them less available: Don't have them in the house as much, or at all, or start having her help you make real desserts a few times a week rather than having pantry treats around. Bonus: Time together.

Why do you ration food?

Are you the Aldo mom from the "how much do you spend on food per month" thread that only spends $200 for a family of 4?

Anonymous wrote:I have an 11 year old son who gets himself cookies throughout the day. Fortunately, he does regulate his intake pretty well and he probably eats 3-4 cookies a day. If he was eating too much I'd probably get the cookies out of the house.

I will admit that it's different for a girl. The eat differently and gain weight differently. All that combined with social body image propaganda and you start wondering if she's eating too many sweets. If there's a problem with her weight or nutrition, then only stock healthier foods. If she's just catching a small sweet snack from time to time, then let it go.

I know - the message to girls should always be to ‘do whatever you can to be thin because that’s your ticket to a good life’. I mean - a girl has no other prospects, right?

Anonymous wrote:This was the age I started binge eating.

I ate very healthy and felt such shame when I ate something unhealthy that I'd do it in secret. Then, once I ate one junk food item, it was like "oh well, might as well stuff myself" and then I'd eat like a whole box or bag of something in secret.

It wasn't attached to anything my parents did. I was just a very active kid in sports and dance where healthy eating was important for optimal performance. If anything, I think what kind of 'triggered' me was the health & sex ed teacher they brought in for 2 weeks in 5th grade who had a giant hunk of fat that weighed 5 lbs that she passed along to everyone. She then showed how many calories equaled 5 lbs of fat and what food items added up to those calories. Like, __ number of Happy Meals, __ number of Chips Ahoy cookies, etc.

I'd get her some therapy ASAP just in case that's what is happening.

I think that in this case it’s more that the mom has the ‘issue’. If she had free reign of the kitchen and was binge eating things in private then that would be different. In this case the Mom is treating her preteen like a 2 year old which is the issue.

This was the age I started binge eating.

I ate very healthy and felt such shame when I ate something unhealthy that I'd do it in secret. Then, once I ate one junk food item, it was like "oh well, might as well stuff myself" and then I'd eat like a whole box or bag of something in secret.

It wasn't attached to anything my parents did. I was just a very active kid in sports and dance where healthy eating was important for optimal performance. If anything, I think what kind of 'triggered' me was the health & sex ed teacher they brought in for 2 weeks in 5th grade who had a giant hunk of fat that weighed 5 lbs that she passed along to everyone. She then showed how many calories equaled 5 lbs of fat and what food items added up to those calories. Like, __ number of Happy Meals, __ number of Chips Ahoy cookies, etc.

I'd get her some therapy ASAP just in case that's what is happening.

I have an 11 year old son who gets himself cookies throughout the day. Fortunately, he does regulate his intake pretty well and he probably eats 3-4 cookies a day. If he was eating too much I'd probably get the cookies out of the house.

I will admit that it's different for a girl. The eat differently and gain weight differently. All that combined with social body image propaganda and you start wondering if she's eating too many sweets. If there's a problem with her weight or nutrition, then only stock healthier foods. If she's just catching a small sweet snack from time to time, then let it go.

I’m - stop locking things up and keeping track of the food like a controlling weirdo? Why do you police an 11 year olds snacks??

Seriously, it's weird that she has to ask you. My kids have free reign of the kitchen. They self regulate, and I exercise control by shopping sensibly.

Maybe basic ground rules and then let her select her own treats without having to ask.

If you're not happy with the dynamic throw out the sweets. An 11 yr old should be allowed to pilfer the kitchen without your commentary.

She’s “stealing” food from the cabinet in her own home?

You’re making an eleven year old ask each time she wants food or a snack? Then you’re monitoring how much was in the container so you’ll know if anyone ate something? Sounds really controlling to me, setting her up for an eating disorder. Keep healthy food in the house, with occasionally goodies as part of a normal diet for a growing child. Unless she has a significantly elevated BMI, or isn’t eating nutritional things she needs, leave her alone.

Why do you have to get them for her? Sounds like she is 3 years old. She should be able to get snacks herself. If you don’t want her to have sweets, don’t have them in the house. If you want her to know more about proper nutrition, discuss that with her. You say you only want her to ask you. Would you say yes every time she asks? If not, when would you say yes? When would you say no? Does she understand why and when you would say yes or no? It sounds like you need more open communication with her, and to treat her like a tween, not a toddler.

She might be struggling with body image or self-consciousness regarding whether or not she eats “healthy” or too much, especially at that age.

Does anyone have a child who’s done this or understand what this is? DD continues to sneak sweet treats out of the cupboard even though I’ve told her that all she has to do is ask or let me know she wants a treat. I just don’t want her to steal or sneak the sweets. I have not punished her for this. What is this and what do I do about it?