Completely agree that you and the new baby should definitely stay home but what about having your DH take the older two kids with him? Then not only would they have a chance to visit with the in laws but you wouldn't be stuck solo parenting 3 young kids at a month or less postpartum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

We are expats living in the US. International families like us rarely see our families back home more than once a year, at most. It's par for the course. Your in-laws are really reaching here. Do not let yourself be guilted into anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

kids aren't even invited? oh HELL no! send DH alone.

Anonymous wrote:No way. Baby can’t even get all the basic vaccinations yet. I wouldn’t take a baby that young in a plane.

This. Can you "blame" it on your pediatrician?

Anonymous wrote:30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.

A month post-partum? No, I wouldn't go. And I'm a "show up for evertything" person. But that's too much. Send dh on his own.

Just your husband should go.

30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.

No way. Baby can’t even get all the basic vaccinations yet. I wouldn’t take a baby that young in a plane.

I have traveled to the other ends of the earth for weddings, with young children in tow, but I would not do so with a month-old infant. Airports and transport hubs and wedding crowds? Nope.

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume your in-laws don't do much far-ranging air travel. That sounds hellish enough without young kids and a newborn.

Ridiculous. Send DH and don’t think twice about the dumb pressure.

This is a call only you can make based on how highly you prioritize family. It's not a birthday party, it's hopefully a once-in-a-lifetime event for your BIL.

Don't go.

I need a gut check. My husband and our two kids are currently living overseas, expecting a third in a few months. A month later, DH's brother is getting married in DC. We live very far away - 5 hour flight, long layover, followed by a 14 hour flight - so it takes around 30 hours (assuming no delays, etc.) to get back to DC. DH's brother and in-laws had originally been understanding that it would be a huge undertaking to have our whole family travel home for this wedding and that only DH would go. However, as the wedding gets closer, we are getting increasing pressure from his parents and brother to "make it work" and travel halfway across the world with our 4 year old, 2 year old, and very young infant. DH and I think that would be crazy, but given how insistent his family is being, does DCUM think we are being unreasonable?