I'm sorry that you are experiencing divorce (since this wasn't your choice).
My thoughts:
1) Ensure that you have an equitable arrangement with DH with daycare/health care expenses included in the mix. Get a good lawyer. Keep track of what you spend on children etc. (e.g. if you're making HSA contributions and then use it for a co-pay that's part of your spending on them). Don't think of this as nickel and diming your kids but rather a way to ensure that they will get the resources they need from both of you--and greater ability for you to preserve your assets to provide stability for them.

2) Figure out how student loans will be handled (talk with lawyer). Are you responsible for any of his? Just yours? Even split?

3) You don't list your retirement contributions. Are those part of what's coming out of your gross pay? If not, that should be set to max out--at your pay level you'll just be paying that in taxes anyway.

4) Don't drop life insurance. The lawyers may have an estimate of what you have to carry. It's not a big expense and it's necessary for your kids' well-being.

5) Don't get cable when you move. Let Amazon Prime/Netflix/Hulu or whatever combo you prefer fill your entertainment needs.

6) Do you have funds for a down payment on a house? If not, you probably can't/shouldn't get a house yet. Rent until you do if you can rent while keeping the daycare. Financial stability provides more stability than a house. It's not a huge deal to switch schools in the early grades if you end up not finding a house where you rent--teaches kids adaptability. Keep your rent under 3K/mo. if you can--the lower the better.

7) Your daycare sounds great--don't try to whittle that away.

8) Look on-line at budgets to see line items you might not be thinking about (cell phones, disability insurance--that's an important one if you don't have it).

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you'll make it work. Do you ever pause to wonder how parents who earn less actually do this???? You are rich. There are single mothers making 50K out there.

Snark aside, of course I do. That is why I caveated with, please do not flame. Again, I had roommates my entire life who paid the bills so I have never budgeted and have relied on DH to tell me what I can and cannot spend. I'm trying to determine what kind of mortgage I can afford. I have already purchased software and put all my information in, but thus far I'm not finding it particularly helpful figuring out monthly budget. I haven't been on a vacation in 6 years, limit miscellaneous spending (e.g., rarely get Starbucks), don't buy clothes, etc. All our money seems to go to our kids and student loans (while mine are 1170, his are over $2500/month).

NP here and in your specific case I wouldn't go any higher than $3K per month PITI due to your high student loan payment (I asked upthread whether it was 10 years or 30 years but maybe you can't extend it?). That leaves you about $1,200 + 400 (annualized Dep. care FSA reimbursement) per month for "other" expenses plus your bonus (say $1.5K per month) which I assumed was not averaged into your take home. You actually have a little more than that per month as I noted upthread that the daycare costs will be split pro rata although that may net out by the fact that you will be paying some amount in child support.

Your statement that you have never budgeted is a little concerning but hopefully you can dig through historical data (credit card statements, utility bills, etc.) to determine your historical monthly expenses.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you'll make it work. Do you ever pause to wonder how parents who earn less actually do this???? You are rich. There are single mothers making 50K out there.

Snark aside, of course I do. That is why I caveated with, please do not flame. Again, I had roommates my entire life who paid the bills so I have never budgeted and have relied on DH to tell me what I can and cannot spend. I'm trying to determine what kind of mortgage I can afford. I have already purchased software and put all my information in, but thus far I'm not finding it particularly helpful figuring out monthly budget. I haven't been on a vacation in 6 years, limit miscellaneous spending (e.g., rarely get Starbucks), don't buy clothes, etc. All our money seems to go to our kids and student loans (while mine are 1170, his are over $2500/month).

Another point is that you have another $5K in your budget if you add back in the reimbursement from your dependent care FSA. You can use that for at least part of the funding for the 529s.

yes , keep the life insurance. do a 'deed back' for the timeshare.

OP, you'll make it work. Do you ever pause to wonder how parents who earn less actually do this???? You are rich. There are single mothers making 50K out there.

Anonymous wrote:Dropping life insurance is ridiculously stupid. Don't do that.

+1000

1. That barely saves you anything to drop it and represents a lot of security for your young kids.
2. There’s also frequently a provision in divorce settlements requiring former spouses to maintain life insurance anyways.

Dropping life insurance is ridiculously stupid. Don't do that.

^There's no worst case/theoretical scenario about him not paying if he's making $130K per year (unless he loses his job of course). If he doesn't pay you sue him and attach his wages, it's that easy.

The expenses you listed out total up to $4,856 and you said your take home is about $9K. You need to figure out what the rest of your budge looks like to determine what amount of PITI you can afford.

Are your student loans on a 30 year plan or a 10 year plan? If on a 10 year plan, can you shift them to a 30 year plan? How much longer until the car is paid off? Maybe you guys can grin and bear it or live separately in your current house for a little longer? Lower the price of the timeshare on one of those secondhand sites or offer to give it away for free. That's a really expensive maintenance fee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, not my choice. I was young when I met DH so I've never paid a bill. I've been trying endlessly to come up with a budget, but I honestly can't tell how I'll make it work. Don't flame me, I know I make a decent amount, but expenses are high as you'll see.

- $200K annual (with approx. $20-25K bonus annually)
- After taxes, health insurance/HSA, and work parking, take home is $9K monthly
- $35K equity in home
- $100K student loans (for me, $200K for him)
- DH salary: $130K including bonuses

Monthly:
- Daycare (2 kids): $2700/month
- Student loans: $1,170/month
- Timeshare (I know, I know, I've tried to sell it): $226/month
- Car: $386/month
- House cleaning (biweekly): $200/month
- Life ins: $44.62/month
- Cable: $130/month

Then there is car and home insurance, electric, water, gas, trash, home maintenance, miscellaneous (cleaning supplies, etc), groceries, kids' lunch and "stuff," etc.

How on earth do I figure out how much mortgage I can afford? DH has mentioned I'll have to pay HIM child support because we'll presumably be splitting time equally so that will have to factor in as well. Any way I calculate it, I'm in the red let alone saving for 529s, etc. I definitely cannot afford our house myself so I will have to move. For stability, I want to buy so my kids are in one place for the foreseeable future rather than rent, plus my older will be going to kindergarten in 2019.

Turn in the car and get one paid in full. Dump the life insurance. Dump the house cleaning. Move to Kensington house since you want to stay in Kensington. Dad pays half of child care. Stop the 529 for now. Find cheaper child care.

You make a really good income and are overspending.

I've stopped the 529.

A stable and fantastic bright stop is their daycare. It's very inexpensive comparatively ($950 for my older, $1550 for my younger), and I spent a lot (A LOT) of time researching when we moved centers.

I spent 10 years fighting against the life insurance but eventually caved. DH is concerned about financial impact if something happened to either one of us, namely me. He has life insurance also. I could theoretically let it lapse.

My car isn't worth enough to offset the cost of a used car.

Thanks for the comments from other PP's on daycare. Theoretically he should pick up some of it, but I'm trying to plan for worst case scenario.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, not my choice. I was young when I met DH so I've never paid a bill. I've been trying endlessly to come up with a budget, but I honestly can't tell how I'll make it work. Don't flame me, I know I make a decent amount, but expenses are high as you'll see.

- $200K annual (with approx. $20-25K bonus annually)
- After taxes, health insurance/HSA, and work parking, take home is $9K monthly
- $35K equity in home
- $100K student loans (for me, $200K for him)
- DH salary: $130K including bonuses

Monthly:
- Daycare (2 kids): $2700/month
- Student loans: $1,170/month
- Timeshare (I know, I know, I've tried to sell it): $226/month
- Car: $386/month
- House cleaning (biweekly): $200/month
- Life ins: $44.62/month
- Cable: $130/month

Then there is car and home insurance, electric, water, gas, trash, home maintenance, miscellaneous (cleaning supplies, etc), groceries, kids' lunch and "stuff," etc.

How on earth do I figure out how much mortgage I can afford? DH has mentioned I'll have to pay HIM child support because we'll presumably be splitting time equally so that will have to factor in as well. Any way I calculate it, I'm in the red let alone saving for 529s, etc. I definitely cannot afford our house myself so I will have to move. For stability, I want to buy so my kids are in one place for the foreseeable future rather than rent, plus my older will be going to kindergarten in 2019.

Turn in the car and get one paid in full. Dump the life insurance. Dump the house cleaning. Move to Kensington house since you want to stay in Kensington. Dad pays half of child care. Stop the 529 for now. Find cheaper child care.

You make a really good income and are overspending.

Perhaps you're forgetting that the child care costs will be split pro rata by income so it won't be $2,700? Or is the $2,700 your pro rata share of the child care costs?

If you are the one carrying the kids on your health insurance you should get a credit for that against your support obligation so it may not be all that high.

So together you are making $330k, and 200 is coming from you? Not flaming here, but it's definitely doable. And remember that childcare costs of $2700 a month won't last forever.

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, not my choice. I was young when I met DH so I've never paid a bill. I've been trying endlessly to come up with a budget, but I honestly can't tell how I'll make it work. Don't flame me, I know I make a decent amount, but expenses are high as you'll see.

- $200K annual (with approx. $20-25K bonus annually)
- After taxes, health insurance/HSA, and work parking, take home is $9K monthly
- $35K equity in home
- $100K student loans (for me, $200K for him)
- DH salary: $130K including bonuses

Monthly:
- Daycare (2 kids): $2700/month
- Student loans: $1,170/month
- Timeshare (I know, I know, I've tried to sell it): $226/month
- Car: $386/month
- House cleaning (biweekly): $200/month
- Life ins: $44.62/month
- Cable: $130/month

Then there is car and home insurance, electric, water, gas, trash, home maintenance, miscellaneous (cleaning supplies, etc), groceries, kids' lunch and "stuff," etc.

How on earth do I figure out how much mortgage I can afford? DH has mentioned I'll have to pay HIM child support because we'll presumably be splitting time equally so that will have to factor in as well. Any way I calculate it, I'm in the red let alone saving for 529s, etc. I definitely cannot afford our house myself so I will have to move. For stability, I want to buy so my kids are in one place for the foreseeable future rather than rent, plus my older will be going to kindergarten in 2019.

To add -- the $35K in equity will likely be wiped out between moving costs and lawyer's fees for the two of us so I don't assume I will walk away with any of it.

Unfortunately, not my choice. I was young when I met DH so I've never paid a bill. I've been trying endlessly to come up with a budget, but I honestly can't tell how I'll make it work. Don't flame me, I know I make a decent amount, but expenses are high as you'll see.

- $200K annual (with approx. $20-25K bonus annually)
- After taxes, health insurance/HSA, and work parking, take home is $9K monthly
- $35K equity in home
- $100K student loans (for me, $200K for him)
- DH salary: $130K including bonuses

Monthly:
- Daycare (2 kids): $2700/month
- Student loans: $1,170/month
- Timeshare (I know, I know, I've tried to sell it): $226/month
- Car: $386/month
- House cleaning (biweekly): $200/month
- Life ins: $44.62/month
- Cable: $130/month

Then there is car and home insurance, electric, water, gas, trash, home maintenance, miscellaneous (cleaning supplies, etc), groceries, kids' lunch and "stuff," etc.

How on earth do I figure out how much mortgage I can afford? DH has mentioned I'll have to pay HIM child support because we'll presumably be splitting time equally so that will have to factor in as well. Any way I calculate it, I'm in the red let alone saving for 529s, etc. I definitely cannot afford our house myself so I will have to move. For stability, I want to buy so my kids are in one place for the foreseeable future rather than rent, plus my older will be going to kindergarten in 2019.