We are sort of in a rut. But he makes sure coffee is ready for us in the morning. I told him how nice it was to wake up and have it made before I leave for work.

He buys me chocolate bars if I ask him to if he’s going to the store, maybe once a month.

He makes me breakfast on the weekend mornings if I’m hungry and want more than yogurt.

He buys me flowers on Valentine’s Day. I actually don’t care about this, but he thinks I do so it’s nice.

Sounds like you are missing passion and intimacy...and that shouldn't be the case for a young couple. Talk openly about it and try to fix it before introducing kids to the mix. It only gets worse.

This is a mutual “come to Jesus” time with each other or the marrriage will fail.

If one cannot provide what the other needs and wants....somebody else will.

He works to provide for us. That is all.

Sit down and have a talk with him about all of this. Tell him you'd like to reconnect see how he feels, and go from there.

Anonymous wrote:Have either or both of you gained weight? Let yourselves go? Do you do things outside of your relationship?

I would look at it differently than expecting him to make you feel special. Put more effort in the gym and your looks, assuming you don’t already. Get dressed up. Buy sexy lingerie. Get your nails and hair done. If you already do all of those things, go another route. Do physical activity together. Go hiking and enjoy nature together.

OP here. I have gained about 20 lbs but am a size 8-10 so not fat, just not tiny. He has lost weight (was bulky from lifting when we met, quite skinny now). I admittedly don’t put a lot into my appearance, but it’s gotten this way because even when I go all out (I.e. for a formal wedding) he doesn’t say anything or seem to notice.

Today he supported/encouraged me to get a pedicure that I wanted to get. I haven’t gone to a nail salon in no less than 3 years.

We have no budget for it, and it meant the whole evening was his with the kids. Still, he didn’t make me feel bad, he got a salon recommendation from some of his coworkers, seemed to love that I needed to go take care of myself.

Have either or both of you gained weight? Let yourselves go? Do you do things outside of your relationship?

I would look at it differently than expecting him to make you feel special. Put more effort in the gym and your looks, assuming you don’t already. Get dressed up. Buy sexy lingerie. Get your nails and hair done. If you already do all of those things, go another route. Do physical activity together. Go hiking and enjoy nature together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why so little sex?

Probably because of this shift towards somewhat of a friend zone. I rarely try because I’m scared he will turn me down. He rarely tries because, who knows. Hi

Cut myself off - I was saying that except for when we first met his libido has never been very high.

My husband is one of those research scientist types that are stubborn, erratic and hard to live with. In between bouts of frustration at his ways, he makes me feel special because he truly does love me, and I'm the only person who can persuade him into doing something he doesn't want to do. Which his family is grateful for. They love me too!

He listens and remembers so he actually knows my likes, dislikes, and things I’m open to trying. Whether it’s grocery shopping or sex, this skill comes in handy. Very few misses on his part.

Anonymous wrote:Why so little sex?

Probably because of this shift towards somewhat of a friend zone. I rarely try because I’m scared he will turn me down. He rarely tries because, who knows. Hi

It gets worse after kids. You don't sound like a great match. My husband does nothing to make me feel special and I would divorce him if not for our kids.

Why so little sex?

Been together 8 years, married for 3, no kids. We are in a rut. Still love each other very much and he is my best friend, but I feel like that’s all I am. I told him I need more but I don’t even know what exactly that means - I just know that I hate feeling like his roommate (albeit roommate who is best friends and shares everything). Want to keep this off the explicit forum but we have sex once every couple weeks if that matters. He is not the planning type so if I don’t plan a date/outing it doesn’t happen.

Please share any ideas. I love him deeply but am over feeling like a friend or sister.