My DD is now dating a young woman but says they don't do anything but kiss. I know her well and she's being very honest, she says they aren't interested in that kind of stuff.
She keeps telling me that you don't need to do anything sexual in order to be in a relationship. I kind of look at it as she has a best friend who she sometimes kisses. I'm fine with whatever works for her, but I kind of think she might not be gay. I guess time will tell.

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to help her, not spy on her. She knows I read the texts and we have discussed them at length.

Why does every response on this site seem to come with such a large side of judgment? I'd think as a woman who might have been in a similar situation to my DD at one point in life, you'd be more open to helping a mom who is accepting, loving, and supportive of her DD in this world.

I provided two links and merely shared my own experience with my mom as a cautionary tale. The way you framed the situation in your OP of finding the texts didn’t make it seem like your daughter was even aware that you had seen them/had access to them. And yes, it’s great that you are supportive. My mom took a while to come around.

Anonymous wrote:https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/for-educators/digital-tools

This is all geared toward straight kids... like most stuff in our culture. Not helpful for lesbian teens.

Anonymous wrote:https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/for-educators/digital-tools

?

Nothing on here for gay teens.

I'm trying to help her, not spy on her. She knows I read the texts and we have discussed them at length.

Why does every response on this site seem to come with such a large side of judgment? I'd think as a woman who might have been in a similar situation to my DD at one point in life, you'd be more open to helping a mom who is accepting, loving, and supportive of her DD in this world.

As a now grown woman who is married to another woman with two children, I'll say this: you may be surprised at your teen's sexual desires and ability to articulate them. You should also tread carefully with invading her privacy. You say that you accidentally came across these texts - seems like quite a few texts to "accidentally" read (but who knows....maybe they popped up on another device that's connected to her phone and she wasn't aware). Back in the age that predated everyone having a cell phone, a girlfriend of mine and I kept a notebook. In it we recorded little love notes and other things that my parents wouldn't approve of. My mom found the notebook and she and my dad read through it. I didn't find out until years later that they had violated my privacy, and it still really stings. Protect your daughter, by all means, but be careful in how you move forward and consider how it will affect your relationship with her.


All of that said, I'd check out PFLAG and SMYAL.

http://pflagdc.org/

https://www.smyal.org/

DD, 14, is gay and has a girlfriend. Her completely natural interest and curiosity led her to some questionable sources of info about lesbian sexuality -- mainly male-oriented material, as you might imagine a google search like that would lead to. I unfortunately (and unintentionally!) came across some rather X-rated texts between her and her GF that were disturbing in that they read like guys talking about their fantasies about lesbians. Now, maybe lesbians talk to each other that way too, and if she were older, I wouldn't judge and would just be happy she had a healthy sex life. But they are young and this doesn't seem to be the best starting point for two girls who have only kissed (and yes, I know that's all they have actually done since I had the misfortune to see those texts!).

I'd like to help guide her to more appropriate information, both age-appropriate and from a female perspective. I bought her a book called "Ask a Queer Chick" that was recommended, but I'd love any other ideas.