Meds are a frontline treatment, perhaps more so if child is having issues at school, but as you say, this is a brain-based issue. ADHD may be affecting school life in other ways—socially, or quality of school work. In our case, meds have worn off by the time DS is home (and he is sensitive to side effects so boosters don't help), but they can really be life-changing for some. Don't be afraid to try.

And yes, even though your DD's behavior is the problem, changing the family dynamic is what will help with that. I recommend Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting class, Parent Child Journey. Not expensive and worthwhile in terms of changing your mindset.

Also, read Ross Greene's The Challenging Child (and I think he has a new book). ADDitude website and Understood.org have also been really helpful for us.

Good luck!

We've been having problems with DD's behavior for years - impulsivity, defiance, not listening/doing as asked, emotional regulation issues - but these behaviors really only manifest at home, not at school, so ADHD wasn't on our radar. We finally made the decision to see a therapist last month and start the eval process, and all signs point to ADHD. Therapist suggests medication to start, in addition to addressing family dynamics/parenting techniques to support DD. I'm not opposed to meds because I understand how truly helpful they can be for brain-based disorders (my own life changed dramatically once I got on the proper antidepressant) but was a little surprised this was suggested as a front-line treatment.

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and would welcome any advice from seasoned parents in the same boat. Books, articles, websites, groups, providers (bonus if they take Aetna).

Thanks in advance.