Anonymous wrote:No judgment please just need some advice.

My baby’s father denies the baby is his and even suggested I had been with multiple men and he can’t be sure it’s his. Do I have any rights legally? Can I claim child support? How do I do that anyway? I know with 100% certainty he is the father. Maybe after the DNA test he’ll want to be involved? Anyone in similar situations?

This was my husband 18 years ago. The baby could not be his. He also threatened to "make the baby motherless" if I filed for divorce. Since I was new to the country he said that if a disappeared no one would know it.

All these "let it go" folks are ridiculous.

I love the "do you need the money?" especially.

I've BTDT. No matter what - you need the financial support. Maybe not immediately but no one can argue that a not having to worry about college is a bad thing. I didn't "need" any financial support and out of sheer spite I didn't go to court and I regret it.

No, we didn't suffer. But the fact that I let an adult man shirk his responsibilities - even just financially - bothers me to this day. I should have asked and received whatever my child was entitled to - and bank if for child if not "needed".

Also - FYI child support is separate from visitation/custody - meaning you can take him to court for child support and establish that you are the primary custodian but unless he presses for visitation, it's not addressed. Basically - if he doesn't want to be involved then let him not be involved but yes, make sure that he provides the finances required whether that's in support or medical insurance.

It's a difficult decision OP. Is he a good person/worthwhile human being to be a father? Do you really need the money?

If he's not a good guy and you can afford it, maybe you should let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.

No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.

The child will suffer anyway if the father is an ass, regardless of how much money the father pours in. I say this as someone who is divorced from a wealthy man who financially supports his child but is not interested in seeing her more than once a month. He doesn't go to her school events even when she asks him to. He didn't come to her birthday party this year. He pays, but he isn't there for her and there are times when I think it would have been easier to just let him fade out of her life when she was much younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.

No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.

The child will suffer anyway if the father is an ass, regardless of how much money the father pours in. I say this as someone who is divorced from a wealthy man who financially supports his child but is not interested in seeing her more than once a month. He doesn't go to her school events even when she asks him to. He didn't come to her birthday party this year. He pays, but he isn't there for her and there are times when I think it would have been easier to just let him fade out of her life when she was much younger.

Anonymous wrote:You can file for child support, even without his acknowledgement of paternity, and the court will order a DNA test - he will have to comply or risk arrest.

It’s not a fast process, and is unlikely to end in him “wanting” to be involved with the child, but it may bring you some financial relief.

That's not true, he won't get arrested for not taking a DNA test. The court will issue a default judgment against him if he doesn't comply though.

Anonymous wrote:You can file for child support, even without his acknowledgement of paternity, and the court will order a DNA test - he will have to comply or risk arrest.

It’s not a fast process, and is unlikely to end in him “wanting” to be involved with the child, but it may bring you some financial relief.

This, but only if you need child support. He obviously does not want to be involved but if he is required to provide support, he will be involved. That may not be in your best interests.

Well, OP hasn’t said anything about poverty. And the concern about having to share custody is a valid one, along with the chikd’s experience while with the dad. As is the concern about what OPs child will feel down the road if she (1) forces a crappy dad to be at least nominally in the picture or (2) lets the dad drift away. Lots to think about here besides just the money.

OP, is the father on the birth certificate? What state are you in? Are you hoping that the father will want to be with you once he accepts that the baby is his?

Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.

No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.

When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.

Anonymous wrote:You can file for child support, even without his acknowledgement of paternity, and the court will order a DNA test - he will have to comply or risk arrest.

It’s not a fast process, and is unlikely to end in him “wanting” to be involved with the child, but it may bring you some financial relief.

It will absolutely result in financial support. And odds are it won’t result in 50% custody, more like an every other weekend thing. He can actually file for this himself at any time in the child’s life.

Anonymous wrote:Did you list him on the birth certificate? If not, count your blessings that you are not married to this man and walk away. Seriously.

If he is on the birth certificate and you really want him in your (and your child’s) life, you can file for support, and let the court figure it out. Be prepared for him to take 50 percent custody when he finds out its his child.

It’s her responsibility as an adult to have the father of her child support that child. An adult doesn’t allow a child to live in poverty not knowing who his father is. File for child support, OP. He can protest all he wants to the court system - let them deal with him. Also - don’t be alone with him and stop discussing this with him. Men not wanting to take responsibility for their children aren’t known to behave decently. Just file with the courts.

Did you list him on the birth certificate? If not, count your blessings that you are not married to this man and walk away. Seriously.

If he is on the birth certificate and you really want him in your (and your child’s) life, you can file for support, and let the court figure it out. Be prepared for him to take 50 percent custody when he finds out its his child.

You can file for child support, even without his acknowledgement of paternity, and the court will order a DNA test - he will have to comply or risk arrest.

It’s not a fast process, and is unlikely to end in him “wanting” to be involved with the child, but it may bring you some financial relief.

No judgment please just need some advice.

My baby’s father denies the baby is his and even suggested I had been with multiple men and he can’t be sure it’s his. Do I have any rights legally? Can I claim child support? How do I do that anyway? I know with 100% certainty he is the father. Maybe after the DNA test he’ll want to be involved? Anyone in similar situations?