[quote=Anonymous][b]We [/b]received an unexpected message for a person that was my spouse lover almost 30 years ago and would like to reconnect. Not sure what is the way to go. I am curious about understanding the motivations of this desire to reconnect but..
Why now? Is the person sick? Is the person in need of something or wants us to know something?
Is this person going to interfere with our marriage and family life?
If my spouse will not contact back this person, is my spouse going to start fantasizing about the old good times and wondering about what it could have been?
Anybody in this forum went through something similar?[/quote]

Were you all in a threesome or something? What’s this we crap?

A few years ago a serious ex BF of mine showed up at my DH's surprise 40th birthday party - he was the date of a friend of mine. I did not mention this to my DH before the party so it was certainly a big surprise. He laughed it off and said bring all your old BF's around so they can see what a good deal you have. The point being if you are confident in yourself and in your relationship, an ex showing up is nothing to worry about.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your within your rights to insist your spouse not connect with the ex but if it was 30 years ago, it may be just that the person is interested in catching up with people they used to know. I'm facebook friends with my ex from 1983 - but my spouse knows that I have no interest in rekindling anything with him. Anyway, maybe you just have to trust your gut. Sounds like you're suspicious and maybe you have good reason to be.

+1. My mother met with her ex-fiance years ago (probably about 30 years after they broke up and called off the wedding). I think it was cathartic for both sides. It turns out the guy was dying of cancer. If my mom had refused to meet with him, she probably never would have known (and regretted it).

I'm friends with my wife's high school sweetheart. I don't know if I would want him staying in our house while I wasn't there or anything, but he's a good guy. I trust my wife, and that she chose me for a reason. I think the OP should do likewise.

My DH sees a couple of his ex GF's once a year and is FB friends with one of them. If a new one popped up I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. We've been married 34 years and have a great relationship. I have a little bit of contact with a couple of ex's and my DH never expresses concern. If you're worried that your spouse is going to fantasize about his ex then you need to up your game or your confidence level.

OP, your within your rights to insist your spouse not connect with the ex but if it was 30 years ago, it may be just that the person is interested in catching up with people they used to know. I'm facebook friends with my ex from 1983 - but my spouse knows that I have no interest in rekindling anything with him. Anyway, maybe you just have to trust your gut. Sounds like you're suspicious and maybe you have good reason to be.

That's how my sil marriage broke up. A lady from another state stalked her husband because her marriage was breaking up. We found out a lot about her online. She used some excuse to get in touch with him. Knew he was married with 3 kids, and owned their home outright. He knew her back in college. After 25 years he left her. Long story but it didn't end well for her ex. One of my siblings exes did the same thing. Stalk a old boyfriend because her child support was going to run out. Today they are fairly miserable and their kids have little to do with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you know exactly why they wanted to connect. Trust me trust me trust me, do NOT go there. Do yourself such a favor and don't respond.

You see how much it's already getting into your head, right? The nostalgia, the memories, the wondering what they're thinking...if you think that's going to get ANY easier once you start communicating with them (even if just in a supposedly friendly, platonic manner), you're wrong. Don't do that to yourself. Don't play with fire

Is anyone able to read? It is OP's spouse's ex-lover.

I mean...then apply the same advice. That doesn't change anything. Duh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you know exactly why they wanted to connect. Trust me trust me trust me, do NOT go there. Do yourself such a favor and don't respond.

You see how much it's already getting into your head, right? The nostalgia, the memories, the wondering what they're thinking...if you think that's going to get ANY easier once you start communicating with them (even if just in a supposedly friendly, platonic manner), you're wrong. Don't do that to yourself. Don't play with fire

Is anyone able to read? It is OP's spouse's ex-lover.

+1

Op here. Maybe is not clear. It is my spouse ex lover not mine ex lover. Is not my decision to contact or not this person, but whatever my spouse will decide will certainly affects me in one way or the other.

Anonymous wrote:OP you know exactly why they wanted to connect. Trust me trust me trust me, do NOT go there. Do yourself such a favor and don't respond.

You see how much it's already getting into your head, right? The nostalgia, the memories, the wondering what they're thinking...if you think that's going to get ANY easier once you start communicating with them (even if just in a supposedly friendly, platonic manner), you're wrong. Don't do that to yourself. Don't play with fire

Is anyone able to read? It is OP's spouse's ex-lover.

OP you know exactly why they wanted to connect. Trust me trust me trust me, do NOT go there. Do yourself such a favor and don't respond.

You see how much it's already getting into your head, right? The nostalgia, the memories, the wondering what they're thinking...if you think that's going to get ANY easier once you start communicating with them (even if just in a supposedly friendly, platonic manner), you're wrong. Don't do that to yourself. Don't play with fire

Op here. I left my spouse freedom to decide about what to do, I trust my spouse but now I started having second thoughts about it.

Why would you need advice on this. Ignore this person!! You are married with family!

This person will interfere in your marriage.

Move along.

We received an unexpected message for a person that was my spouse lover almost 30 years ago and would like to reconnect. Not sure what is the way to go. I am curious about understanding the motivations of this desire to reconnect but..
Why now? Is the person sick? Is the person in need of something or wants us to know something?
Is this person going to interfere with our marriage and family life?
If my spouse will not contact back this person, is my spouse going to start fantasizing about the old good times and wondering about what it could have been?
Anybody in this forum went through something similar?