I’d pull the trigger now. I have a 7 year gap and have found the toddler plus grade schooler combo difficult. It doesn’t help that my toddler is extremely demanding. My point is there was no way in hell we’d have gotten pregnant after our youngest turned 1.

I have thought of having a third, but it will have to be another 7 year gap. I might do 6!

Anonymous wrote:PP's, thank you for your replies. We're now at a 3-4 year gap due to fertility difficulties and you're replies are making my day. Also wanted to add that my toddler went through a lot of the stuff you're describing in the 2-2.5 year age range. Sleep disruptions, whining and clinging, and babyish behaviors. No sibling to blame it on, so I think it may be normal toddler behavior probably exacerbated by the new baby.

I'm the OP and I love the 5 year gap. There is really no jealousy - the older one is as excited to see the baby's milestones as any of the adults. So if you end up there, you'll be thrilled. I'm just not sure I want #1 and #3 to be 10 years apart (and love the phrasing of the PP who suggested #3 should ride #2's coattails).

Anonymous wrote:PP's, thank you for your replies. We're now at a 3-4 year gap due to fertility difficulties and you're replies are making my day. Also wanted to add that my toddler went through a lot of the stuff you're describing in the 2-2.5 year age range. Sleep disruptions, whining and clinging, and babyish behaviors. No sibling to blame it on, so I think it may be normal toddler behavior probably exacerbated by the new baby.

I have around 3.5 years between my first two, and for us it was absolutely perfect. So much so, that we aimed to repeat the same gap between the second and third! It's awesome - enough space for less rivalry and more independence when baby is born, but close enough that they are close and play together/enjoy similar activities. It will be great!

PP's, thank you for your replies. We're now at a 3-4 year gap due to fertility difficulties and you're replies are making my day. Also wanted to add that my toddler went through a lot of the stuff you're describing in the 2-2.5 year age range. Sleep disruptions, whining and clinging, and babyish behaviors. No sibling to blame it on, so I think it may be normal toddler behavior probably exacerbated by the new baby.

Anonymous wrote:I found my 2 year 3 month age difference extremely challenging for almost the whole first year. Things got better at 9 months when I got very serious about cry it out. I had colicky babies, though. The crying was deafening. That said-- I'm pretty happy with the age difference now. I would NEVER put myself through that again on purpose, but having a 3 year old and a five year old is quite nice. By the way, I work full time, but I did have a decent amount of help 40 hr a week nanny and a helpful husband. My two year old decided to wake up every time she heard the baby cry. She became scared of going to bed and would wake up and yell for us when the baby woke her up. We were zombies for a long time. The stereo crying was pretty awful... and unexpected! My two year old was actually very verbal, but she regressed and begged us to feed her and hold her in our laps all the time. I did somehow manage to toilet train her during all this madness (before returning to work).

I have this exact same age gap. The first 7 months were super hard. Then it got great for awhile. Now they are 1.5 and 3.5 and it's NUTS again. Really hard. The younger one used to be pretty easy going and now that's not the case. I really do think it'll be easier when they are 3 and 5. But good god there is a LOT of crying in my house right now.

I adore them. They are wonderful. But I tell everyone that if they can control it, aim for at least 3 years apart! 2 years is still pretty crazy.

We are doing the opposite. First two are only 19 months apart and now we are waiting for the first one to start Kindergarten (so 5) before we have a third. So first two kids will be around 5 and 4ish when 3rd is born.

I found it hard having two babies essentially at the same time. I am hoping that the larger gap between two and three will help!

My first two are also 5 years apart. Our 2nd and 3rd are 18 mos apart. The second one was hard and if there was going to be a third he needed to ride in on his sibling’s coat tails. I was only going to fully recover and come out of the cave, one last time. It worked out so well. My younger two are so close and look up to the oldest.

Anonymous wrote:I found my 2 year 3 month age difference extremely challenging for almost the whole first year. Things got better at 9 months when I got very serious about cry it out. I had colicky babies, though. The crying was deafening. That said-- I'm pretty happy with the age difference now. I would NEVER put myself through that again on purpose, but having a 3 year old and a five year old is quite nice. By the way, I work full time, but I did have a decent amount of help 40 hr a week nanny and a helpful husband. My two year old decided to wake up every time she heard the baby cry. She became scared of going to bed and would wake up and yell for us when the baby woke her up. We were zombies for a long time. The stereo crying was pretty awful... and unexpected! My two year old was actually very verbal, but she regressed and begged us to feed her and hold her in our laps all the time. I did somehow manage to toilet train her during all this madness (before returning to work).

Wow, that sounds almost exactly like us. Our kids are also 27 months apart. They weren't colicky babies but that second baby was/is just difficult. Despite multiple attempts using different methods, the second baby didn't sleep through the night once until she was 14 months old. Naps were/are always a struggle with her too. She's just a crappy sleeper. And of course the older child dropped his nap right at age 3 (I was not ready for that!) Also, the older kid regressed and wanted us to do everything for him. I guess he was jealous of the attention the baby got because in the months after the baby was born, he got very clingy with me, started having sleep issues when he had always been a great sleeper before, wanted us to feed him all the time and carry him around everywhere whereas before baby he always wanted to assert his independence, would whine and cry about everything whereas before the baby he was very verbal.

Of course every kid is different and I'm not saying your kids would necessarily have the same issues ours did. But, all this to say that if I could go back in time, I would've spaced them out more (I think ideally I would've had a 3 year spacing maybe even 4). and if a friend or family member asked for my advice, I'd advise them to go for a 3-4 year spacing too. It was a very stressful first year after my second was born. Second is only 15 months now so I don't really know how it'll be yet but I do think this spacing will be nice when they get older at least.

I would really, really think about going for a three year gap instead.

I found my 2 year 3 month age difference extremely challenging for almost the whole first year. Things got better at 9 months when I got very serious about cry it out. I had colicky babies, though. The crying was deafening. That said-- I'm pretty happy with the age difference now. I would NEVER put myself through that again on purpose, but having a 3 year old and a five year old is quite nice. By the way, I work full time, but I did have a decent amount of help 40 hr a week nanny and a helpful husband. My two year old decided to wake up every time she heard the baby cry. She became scared of going to bed and would wake up and yell for us when the baby woke her up. We were zombies for a long time. The stereo crying was pretty awful... and unexpected! My two year old was actually very verbal, but she regressed and begged us to feed her and hold her in our laps all the time. I did somehow manage to toilet train her during all this madness (before returning to work).

For a variety of reasons, DC1 and DC2 ended up being 5 years apart. DC2 is now almost 1, and it's been awesome. While I was convinced before DC2 was born that we were done, I'm now pretty sure I want a third (and DH is on board). I'm mostly inclined to just go for it now, which would (hopefully) mean ending up with a two-year or so gap between #2 and #3. How does that dynamic work in practice? I realize that having a two-year old and a newborn will be a lot harder than a five-year old and a newborn, but what else am I missing?

If relevant, the first two are the same sex. And while I'm happy to be done, I hopefully have some time - I'm 35 now and both kids were conceived in less than 3 months.