Anonymous
05/08/2018 12:05
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You sound like you need a therapist. This is a you issue, not a friend issue.
Of course it's a me issue. There's something about me that makes people think I should be happy with a mediocre life. The question is - what is it?
That isn't the question at all. It's not your friend's job to hold you to high standards, or even to the standards that they hold themselves at. They like you for you. If you want to be a better person, that's on you. They do not care either way (and they are probably tired of hearing about your "mediocre life"). They are not your parents, they are not life coaches or accountability coaches. Either change something or accept your life as is.
I've actually already pulled way back from them. I try and try and I can't better myself, and I'm tired of being told that's ok. Settling for mediocrity is...bad.
You have a very odd definition of friendship.
In all seriousness you sound like maybe you'd benefit from some therapy, and I mean that nicely. It's very strange, and sounds unhealthy, that you are pulling away from friendships because they aren't pushing you professionally enough.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 12:05
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not a complete failure. I have a masters degree, albeit from a state school. But I'm not amazing at anything. When I get down about that, friends and acquaintances say I'm just being hard o myself - that my standards are too high. The thing is, I see them and others accomplish what I'd love to accomplish, so it seems like they're saying I should should be satisfied with what I've done, even though it's not much.
Why are they holding me to lower standards? This really bothers me.
I think you're reading into this too much. "You are too hard on yourself" is just, like, a thing people say. They're just trying to say something nice and you're taking it personally.
It's not really up to your friends to hold you to any sort of professional standard, that's kind of a weird expectation to have.
I'd rather they be honest, not nice.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 12:04
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
When you say that you have not achieved anything, you are sending a signal that you are worthless.
When you say it to other people, they believe you. Then, being nice people, they say nice things to you to make you feel better.
No one knows what someone's standards of success is.
When you say it to other people, they believe you. Then, being nice people, they say nice things to you to make you feel better.
No one knows what someone's standards of success is.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 12:01
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You sound like you need a therapist. This is a you issue, not a friend issue.
Of course it's a me issue. There's something about me that makes people think I should be happy with a mediocre life. The question is - what is it?
That isn't the question at all. It's not your friend's job to hold you to high standards, or even to the standards that they hold themselves at. They like you for you. If you want to be a better person, that's on you. They do not care either way (and they are probably tired of hearing about your "mediocre life"). They are not your parents, they are not life coaches or accountability coaches. Either change something or accept your life as is.
I've actually already pulled way back from them. I try and try and I can't better myself, and I'm tired of being told that's ok. Settling for mediocrity is...bad.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 12:00
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:I'm not a complete failure. I have a masters degree, albeit from a state school. But I'm not amazing at anything. When I get down about that, friends and acquaintances say I'm just being hard o myself - that my standards are too high. The thing is, I see them and others accomplish what I'd love to accomplish, so it seems like they're saying I should should be satisfied with what I've done, even though it's not much.
Why are they holding me to lower standards? This really bothers me.
I think you're reading into this too much. "You are too hard on yourself" is just, like, a thing people say. They're just trying to say something nice and you're taking it personally.
It's not really up to your friends to hold you to any sort of professional standard, that's kind of a weird expectation to have.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 11:56
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You sound like you need a therapist. This is a you issue, not a friend issue.
Of course it's a me issue. There's something about me that makes people think I should be happy with a mediocre life. The question is - what is it?
That isn't the question at all. It's not your friend's job to hold you to high standards, or even to the standards that they hold themselves at. They like you for you. If you want to be a better person, that's on you. They do not care either way (and they are probably tired of hearing about your "mediocre life"). They are not your parents, they are not life coaches or accountability coaches. Either change something or accept your life as is.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 11:35
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:I'm not a complete failure. I have a masters degree, albeit from a state school. But I'm not amazing at anything. When I get down about that, friends and acquaintances say I'm just being hard o myself - that my standards are too high. The thing is, I see them and others accomplish what I'd love to accomplish, so it seems like they're saying I should should be satisfied with what I've done, even though it's not much.
Why are they holding me to lower standards? This really bothers me.
No, actually what they're saying is they love you and don't want you to be unhappy.
Write out a few things you want to accomplish, make a plan, and ask people to help you accomplish them. Take the friend to lunch who has the type of job you want to plug her brain. And so on. Don't wallow - DO!
Anonymous
05/08/2018 10:09
Subject: Re:People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 10:08
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:You sound like you need a therapist. This is a you issue, not a friend issue.
Of course it's a me issue. There's something about me that makes people think I should be happy with a mediocre life. The question is - what is it?
Anonymous
05/08/2018 10:07
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
You sound like you need a therapist. This is a you issue, not a friend issue.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 10:03
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
What do you want to do and why aren't you doing it?
Anonymous
05/08/2018 09:54
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
Anonymous wrote:They aren't. Maybe you ARE too hard on yourself. Everyone is different. Sounds to me like they are just trying to be supportive.
Nah. How can I be too hard on myself when I'm not successful?
Anonymous
05/08/2018 09:40
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
And yet... they're still your friends!
So this means that they find value in you beyond your professional achievements. Gasp!
You must be something right, OP.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 09:39
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
They aren't. Maybe you ARE too hard on yourself. Everyone is different. Sounds to me like they are just trying to be supportive.
Anonymous
05/08/2018 09:38
Subject: People have lower standards for me than themselves/others
I'm not a complete failure. I have a masters degree, albeit from a state school. But I'm not amazing at anything. When I get down about that, friends and acquaintances say I'm just being hard o myself - that my standards are too high. The thing is, I see them and others accomplish what I'd love to accomplish, so it seems like they're saying I should should be satisfied with what I've done, even though it's not much.
Why are they holding me to lower standards? This really bothers me.
Why are they holding me to lower standards? This really bothers me.