What is "rough sex"?

Every woman is different. But this is not unusual for some women.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a very girl next door type and it stunned my now DH that I was very different in the bedroom. I have no desire to be called a S--t but I've always liked pretty rough sex and I'm always open to trying new things. He quickly got use to it and over the years he's really come to enjoy it. What happens in the bedroom is very private and if being called something is what she likes just go with it. Giving her what she wants can have many benefits for you.

Op here. You’re very much like my girlfriend. She is girl next door type and so innocent looking. I was surprised she liked a lot of what we do, but I’m game for most. I’m more experienced than her, and definitely have a kinky side myself, but I’ve just never been with anyone who liked name calling. We are very adventurous, with both of us loving rough sex. I’m sure I will get used to calling her it, but it’s an adjustment for sure. I want her to enjoy herosef, is I will do it, but it’s definitely not the most easy thing for me. We are very sexually compatible otherwise.

I'm a very girl next door type and it stunned my now DH that I was very different in the bedroom. I have no desire to be called a S--t but I've always liked pretty rough sex and I'm always open to trying new things. He quickly got use to it and over the years he's really come to enjoy it. What happens in the bedroom is very private and if being called something is what she likes just go with it. Giving her what she wants can have many benefits for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should break up with her. Then give her my number.

Troll.

Op here. I am not a troll. I was raised in a household where you never said such a thing to any woman. We have plenty of kinky sex, it’s huat the actual sl*t word and others that I’m not comfortable with. Don’t call me a troll just because I am not a pig.

This is going to be a problem in your relationship.
If you don't speak up, you will be doing something that makes you uncomfortable and weirdly judging her for "making" you do/say things that make you uncomfortable. If you do speak up, you are basically going to be telling her that you are not a "safe" person to share her fantasies with. And she may tell you it's okay and it's no big deal and just drop it. But this desire will still be here for her and it will lead to issues in your incompatibility.
I think the best thing you can do is try to understand that this comes from a place of intimacy. And in intimacy, the idea is to feel SO SAFE with one another that truly nothing is off limits with what you share with your partner in the bedroom. You might be surprised at how "into it" you can get when you set aside your inhibitions and just roll with it. Mostly because when you see how hot it makes her, you might really enjoy it! But if you keep on with this "something must be wrong with you to make you want me to disrespect you" nonsense, it will not end well, OP.

Bottom line is that you may just be incompatible and you should flag this and decide how you want to deal with it before the wedding.

For any BDSM type relationship to work (even if you're just dabbling), both people have to be comfortable. If you are not comfortable calling her xyz, then she has to respect that.

If you don't want to do this, just TALK TO HER.

Anonymous wrote:You should break up with her. Then give her my number.

Troll.

Op here. I am not a troll. I was raised in a household where you never said such a thing to any woman. We have plenty of kinky sex, it’s huat the actual sl*t word and others that I’m not comfortable with. Don’t call me a troll just because I am not a pig.

You should break up with her. Then give her my number.

Troll.

It's called fantasy. She's trying to share hers with you. Speak with her openly outside of the bedroom about it if it's something you can't do. If you're not comfortable with it, tell her openly like an adult and explain that it's not up your alley. Just be non-judgmental.

It might be helpful to have a conversation with her about this when you aren’t in the heat of the moment, so to speak. I am sexually submissive like this to and this is the sort of stuff that turns me on too. I would be way more likely to roll this out with someone I had an existing relationship with exactly BECAUSE I could trust him to do it without hurting me and without harming the rest of our relationship. Honestly, this type of kink is pretty common among women and the worst thing you can do is make her feel like there’s something wrong with what turns her on. Unless you want to be one of these guys moaning about how your partner doesn’t want sex anymore and says she doesn’t even fantasize. I think a lot of women get shamed for what gets them going and then that part of them goes deep and they don’t try to share it anymore.

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have a good relationship. We are early 30’s with intentions of getting marriage. We have amazing, frequent sex, but lately she has been asking for rough sex with vulgar language. It’s not every time, but when we drink, she gets a little more freaky. I don’t want to be very explicit so it doesn’t get put in another forum. She described herself as “ sexually submissive” and sometimes likes to be called names like “ sl*t” and have rough sex - hair pulling, spanking, being tired up, etc. To my knowledge she has never been abused or anything to warrant this. If it was some random, I would be willing, but because I respect and love her, I have a hard time calling her that. We definitely have fun and things can get a little more anaimalistic, but I wasn’t raised to call women those kinds of names. She said she is fine with it and knows I still love her, but I’m afraid to blur this lines. I don’t want to offend her or one say she feel that I mean what I’m saying.

You might want to read up on this a little bit. If a random woman was asking you to do this that would be a sign that something is off, but the fact that your girlfriend enjoys this type of interaction in the context of a steady, loving relationship does not mean anything is wrong or something happened to warrant "this". You don't have to engage if it makes you uncomfortable, but your whole tone here, especially in the bolded, is extremely offputting.

If you don't want to disrespect her, do what she asks.

She is asking you to do this, so clearly she has no problem with being called a slut. If that is your issue, go forth and slut it out.

If your issue is really that you two aren't sexually compatible because she is adventurous in a way that makes you uncomfortable, then you should address that issue.

My girlfriend and I have a good relationship. We are early 30’s with intentions of getting marriage. We have amazing, frequent sex, but lately she has been asking for rough sex with vulgar language. It’s not every time, but when we drink, she gets a little more freaky. I don’t want to be very explicit so it doesn’t get put in another forum. She described herself as “ sexually submissive” and sometimes likes to be called names like “ sl*t” and have rough sex - hair pulling, spanking, being tired up, etc. To my knowledge she has never been abused or anything to warrant this. If it was some random, I would be willing, but because I respect and love her, I have a hard time calling her that. We definitely have fun and things can get a little more anaimalistic, but I wasn’t raised to call women those kinds of names. She said she is fine with it and knows I still love her, but I’m afraid to blur this lines. I don’t want to offend her or one say she feel that I mean what I’m saying.