Two of my kids went to Stanford and Berkeley and both had a lot of fun.

What's her major? I remember the pre-med kids were always super stressed.

I have three nieces and nephews at HYPS and their Instagrams seem to reflect a pretty balanced academic and social life. A good mix of "fml" type pics with To Do lists of all the work they need to accomplish for the week/stacks of books/empty Starbucks cups and party pics.

To the person who asked about what "quality schools", take a look at books like Princeton Review's 382 best colleges (or Fiske), just for starters. Those types of books have already eliminated more than 90% of America's 4 year colleges.

I am not saying they have some magic formula, but the point is they use systematic processes to whittle down the pack, after which families need to do due diligence (by reading on-line, visiting schools, talking to current and past students, knowing your child).

I think the biggest hurdle for kids and parents in this area is letting go of the Ivy/top 20 mindset and deciding that quality of life and fit just might trump "winning."

I think this is an excellent question - I just spent the weekend with 2 very accomplished students heading off to 2 top “grinder” schools. They had so few social skills, had never worked or interned and complained the whole time we were on a fun family weekend in NYC. I was so unimpressed by them both I really found myself wondering what the heck we are churning out of this rat race.

Any recommendations on what those “quality” schools might be?

Just this week my DC turned down several elite colleges that boasted "stress cultures" where people spent "24/7" in the library.

I applaud her choice to snub the snobs for a QUALITY school (still offering a great education) that does not require its students to repeat the grind that so many have suffered through for the last 4 years of their childhood.

Be the change.

I think this is child specific. The kids who are getting into these places work all the time toward college and don't give themselves a lot of downtime. It doesn't turn off when they hit college. Kids who have more fun in high school are going to have more fun in college.

This is something you can factor into your decision. There are thousands of online postings that will tell you if a school offers balance (often over prestige/status). It comes down to values, though. Are you trying to impress your neighbors or teaching your child to strive for a healthy balance in life?

This choice will come up again and again, when they decide if they want to work in the impressive firm that offers no work/life balance. When they decide if they should take out the oversized mortgage to live in the fancy zip code or opt for the more modest home that allows them to spend time in the backyard with their kids.

These are lessons we should be teaching our children all along, and they watch the decisions we have made when forming their own values.

My niece is at Penn and her social media is BRIMMING with photos of her at parties and going out.

DD is a college sophomore at HYPS, and I have been surprised to hear that she and most of her friends are not enjoying college very much. It seems they are all still caught up in the rat race, and are surrounded by a lot of kids who never seem to want to leave the library. Even Dartmouth seems to be shedding its party school image (although that may be more of a good thing). Do you need to just forget about the elites and go to a big state school somewhere if you want a fun, social experience in college? Is this really what it has become? I remember college as some of the best years to my life, but it seems like kids today are being cheated.