OP here, I meant that the women he is interacting with online knows where the fiance lives and his name.
The Fiance is straight by all accounts and into females.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you consider cheating?

Significant Other (SO) reading porn? NO
SO watching porn pretaped video NO
SO watching porn online live MAYBE. Have you talked about this? if so, this could be in the yesses
SO watching porn online and verbally interacting with the person being filmed YES. Like going to a prostitute
SO doing what the person online video was asking him to do/watching what SO does DEFINITELY

I agree with the above.

My now exDH watched porn. When I found out by accident, I wasn't really concerned. In retrospect, I should have been, but I'm sexually pretty open and we were having a lot of sex, so I assumed that the porn was just a small component of our life. It turned out his use was way heavier than I knew at the time and his behaviour had crossed the line to paying for sex and having sex with other women.

The things you describe are big red flags for me, particularly any interaction with live persons in any way. Some people become habituated to porn and become bigger and bigger users. Some, like my ex, are actually using porn to self-medicate.

For me, personally, I would never date or marrry a guy using porn in these ways or, frankly, anyone using porn more than occassionally. It really can mess with your mind and relationships.

I'm a little confused about where you say, "she even knows his real name and where he lives...". Are you saying her male fiance is interacting with other men in live sex? Another big red flag, if he's been presenting to your sister as straight but is really bi or gay, especially if he hasn't revealed that before engagement.

Although honestly, the most concerning part is that her fiance is interacting with someone working in the sex industry who is careless enough about their privacy and cybersecurity that she could figure out a real name and address....

If you do something that makes you feel that you should hide it from your SO, you've already crossed the line. A relationship requires honesty in order to work.

Anonymous wrote:What would you consider cheating?

Significant Other (SO) reading porn? NO
SO watching porn pretaped video NO
SO watching porn online live MAYBE. Have you talked about this? if so, this could be in the yesses
SO watching porn online and verbally interacting with the person being filmed YES. Like going to a prostitute
SO doing what the person online video was asking him to do/watching what SO does DEFINITELY

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask because my sister just found out her fiance has been doing video sex things with someone he pays to interact with. I guess she even knows his real name and where he lives. She is trying to play it off like it is no big deal but I think that is a major gray area.
We got to talking and it got me thinking what actually i would consider
'cheating'. I really only think the last 2 would fall into the gray area for me, but wondered what others thought.

I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I would find the behavior highly inappropriate and it would make me press pause on marriage plans and cancel them altogether if this is something a fiancé of mine felt like he needed to do.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask because my sister just found out her fiance has been doing video sex things with someone he pays to interact with. I guess she even knows his real name and where he lives. She is trying to play it off like it is no big deal but I think that is a major gray area.
We got to talking and it got me thinking what actually i would consider
'cheating'. I really only think the last 2 would fall into the gray area for me, but wondered what others thought.

I consider that cheating. Do you not consider it cheating because he pays her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing you've mentioned that comes even close is the last line- SO being watched/filmed is definitely inappropriate behavior.

Yah, I just posted above you and have to agree.

What person thinks watching porn is cheating?!!

Women dealing with impotent men due to too much porn usage.

OP here. I ask because my sister just found out her fiance has been doing video sex things with someone he pays to interact with. I guess she even knows his real name and where he lives. She is trying to play it off like it is no big deal but I think that is a major gray area.
We got to talking and it got me thinking what actually i would consider
'cheating'. I really only think the last 2 would fall into the gray area for me, but wondered what others thought.

Back and forth interaction is the line for me. I’m not sure I would call the last two cheating per se, but I would definitely consider them inappropriate to do behind my back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing you've mentioned that comes even close is the last line- SO being watched/filmed is definitely inappropriate behavior.

Yah, I just posted above you and have to agree.

What person thinks watching porn is cheating?!!

Unfortunately on this site you'd be surprised! I didn't believe anyone would think that either until I started reading/posting here.

Anonymous wrote:The only thing you've mentioned that comes even close is the last line- SO being watched/filmed is definitely inappropriate behavior.

Yah, I just posted above you and have to agree.

What person thinks watching porn is cheating?!!

The only thing you've mentioned that comes even close is the last line- SO being watched/filmed is definitely inappropriate behavior.

I think anything with interaction would be crossing the line for me. The other stuff would be fine by me.

none of the above.

What would you consider cheating?

Significant Other (SO) reading porn?
SO watching porn pretaped video
SO watching porn online live
SO watching porn online and verbally interacting with the person being filmed
SO doing what the person online video was asking him to do/watching what SO does