As long as people cover their plate it is break even. Those parties are cash gifts only and traditionally a much larger gift than a communion or confirmation or baptism.

One kid I went to school with bought a condo cash in Manhattan at 30 with his money. Parents threw it in stocks and bonds and hit a good streak

My parents saved for my wedding like it was part of my college (meaning of same importance.). We are Italian/catholic and from NJ and your daughters wedding is the biggest affair you will ever throw. Things like first communion, graduation, and confirmation are all parties that can be done for a couple thousand and not something you need to save for. My one sister never married and when my parents die she will get her wedding fund...its up to about 110k. She's 47 but my dad is still a little hopeful. LOL

Anyone who borrows money for a wedding is an idiot. The marriage could well end before the loan is paid off.

The one couple I know who went into major debt for their wedding (20kish) ended up divorced less than two years later. Imagine having to continue to make payments on a wedding after you are divorced.

This is absolutely ridiculous if people have to borrow for a wedding or a bar mitzvah! Pay cash people and if you don't have that, elope or have a cheaper wedding.

Anonymous wrote:Looks like I now know where all of my money will go after I am done with daycare payments

No, prepare for aftercare, summer camps and activities (music, sports, etc.)

My parents paid for my bat mitzvah. They saved for it beginning when they got the date (when I was 10 or 11).

When we happened to see a movie that referred to a woman's "wedding fund" I asked my dad if they had that for me. THey said no. No big deal. DH and I paid for our own. His parents paid for a brunch afterwards.

You budget and save/spend approppriatley. No borrowing, no loans!

Do what you can afford. Do not borrow money for a bar mitzvah. Save the loans for paying for college and grad school.

Looks like I now know where all of my money will go after I am done with daycare payments

Do NOT borrow money for these affairs. This is one time you do not have to keep up with anyone. Do your own thing and keep it simple. And have your adult children pay for their own weddings. Those are the ones that last.

An alternative view: you do not HAVE to have an event that costs thousands and thousands of dollars. You really, really don't. I know weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs are special but I do not think it's the price tag that makes them so.

A lot of people use their HELOC for these things. Also, this is something the grandparents frequently contribute to if they can afford it. It's easy to go way overboard with these receptions but don't go above your means. It should not be used as a status symbol. It's simply a celebration. I've definitely seen a full range of mitzvah receptions, from a small party in the back room of a restaurant, to an all-day affair including a blow-out casino party once the sun sets after the sabbath. And we've all obviously seen over-the-top weddings for marriages that don't even make it to the 5 year mark. What's the point in that?

Best case scenario: you plan ahead and save up. A bar mitzvah doesn't sneak up on you or come out of nowhere.

Worst case scenario: you put it all on credit cards, take a second mortgage or personal loan, etc.

Real life: you do some mixture of the above.

When it comes to acquiring a car, a person can lease it or take out a loan. When it comes to a major home renovation, a person can take out a home equity line of credit. So, how do most people pay for a $5, 10, 20, or $30K Bar Mitzvah or wedding event. There is no loan for that and as much as we've tried to save, I still feel like I need to pull money from my investments and/or savings accounts (not retirement accounts) to fund the event, which is something I absolutely despise having to do. My question is, as much as people try to plan ahead, do you still find there are times when you need to dip into funds that you didn't want to ever dip into, and then how do you make peace with that?