And once she gets to college, how do you keep her from blowing off the roommate she doesn’t know and resents being paired with and spending 16 hours a day with her BFF?

I get the concern. It would concern me too. But college is the time when you get to express your concern, if you feel strongly, and then have to back off and let your kid make the decision and live with the consequences (asterisks: unless her health or safety is in danger). And not say I told you so.

And the fact is, you don’t know. Back in the Stone Age when colleges randomly threw people together and you got what you got, I was a quiet, neat, introverted nerd who went to be at midnight and I got paired with the loudest, messiest person I had ever met who loved deafness inducing rap music, was up all night and went to bed for the day after her morning classes. Match made in hell. Maybe I got something out of the experience. But I doubt it.

Fact is, maybe your DD rooms with her BFF and regrets it. So maybe she tries someone new and ends up with a roommate from hell and spends the year resenting you. Ultimately, her decision, her consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

Kind of both. I think they're related. I don't mind her going to the flagship but coupled with the wanting to room with her friend, it leaves us skittish about her squandering this experience & not taking her other options seriously. The path of least resistance sort of thing, eschewing new surroundings, new friends.

which flagship? UVA is one thing, UMD another ...

In what way PP?

Land your helicopters

I feel you're transferring your anxiety, OP. What is it you're REALLY worried about? Because this is nothing.

I think the concern is that a HS roomie is...a linear experience.

You tend not to step out of your comfort zone and branch out.

My friend made for a great roommate. We are still friends decades later. It didn't have any negative impact on college years, but made for zero roommate drama.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

Kind of both. I think they're related. I don't mind her going to the flagship but coupled with the wanting to room with her friend, it leaves us skittish about her squandering this experience & not taking her other options seriously. The path of least resistance sort of thing, eschewing new surroundings, new friends.

which flagship? UVA is one thing, UMD another ...

Anonymous wrote:The girls I saw who roomed with a HS roommate also tended to invite friends from HS to stay with them on weekends. They would go out together to parties and no they didn't really branch out. It was HS part deux for them.

I agree that it's better to room with someone else and try to make new college friends in the process.

That's what I saw as well. And that's why I'm not a fan, especially with two t20s on the menu.

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

Kind of both. I think they're related. I don't mind her going to the flagship but coupled with the wanting to room with her friend, it leaves us skittish about her squandering this experience & not taking her other options seriously. The path of least resistance sort of thing, eschewing new surroundings, new friends.

The girls I saw who roomed with a HS roommate also tended to invite friends from HS to stay with them on weekends. They would go out together to parties and no they didn't really branch out. It was HS part deux for them.

I agree that it's better to room with someone else and try to make new college friends in the process.

OP, do you mean "taking the easy path" because she isn't going to one of her top 20 options or because she is rooming with her high school friend? Those are 2 different issues.

I had four best friends my senior year of high school. One of them and I decided to go to the same school. My mother told me I could ONLY go if I didn't room with her. It was a good rule.

I wish I had roomed with my friend from high school. I would have been better able to branch out if I had had her to help me feel more comfortable at first. It was really tough for me to make new friends and room with a total stranger.

Encourage her to room with someone new. Who you live with/around has a huge impact on your social circle, and both girls will have larger circles if they live separately but still hang out together.

As in, it's going to wed her to high school everything. Isn't it too safe, isn't college supposed to be about getting out of your comfort zone? She has a pair of top 20 options and is leaning towards flagship. I hate to say it but we think she's taking the easy path and will come to regret it.