Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:29     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Look into Fusion Academy. Also the Center for Anxiety in Rockville.

We are switching schools to a SN school because of anxiety. A new environment can make a difference. Maybe a small school would cause them less anxiety.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:19     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a 6th grader who is just refusing to go to school. He has a therapist, a county social worker and is in contact with the school guidance counselor. My friend, his Mom, is a great Mother. He’s had some trauma and is acting out. She has reached out to the team of people who are supposed to be helping her. And so far, no one has been able to give her advice on what to do.

How did you deal with your tween/teen who refused to go to school?

PS- he’s had everything taken away from him-no electronics no toys no friends (as in playing with) and no after school activities or sports. There isn’t anymore she can take away from him.


Not sure, but I do know his mom’s friend posting about it on the internet isn’t helping anything.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:19     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend lost her husband and their children lost their father. Her son is in a deep depression—self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. Dr prescribed antidepressants which he refused to take. He won’t go to school and won’t leave his room.

She and his dr have decided that intensive short term in patient therapy is needed.



That sounds like the right thing, OP. I wish her and him well.


+2, that is a horrible choice to make but if it cannot be handled at home, she needed to get him the best possible help.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:16     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a 6th grader who is just refusing to go to school. He has a therapist, a county social worker and is in contact with the school guidance counselor. My friend, his Mom, is a great Mother. He’s had some trauma and is acting out. She has reached out to the team of people who are supposed to be helping her. And so far, no one has been able to give her advice on what to do.

How did you deal with your tween/teen who refused to go to school?

PS- he’s had everything taken away from him-no electronics no toys no friends (as in playing with) and no after school activities or sports. There isn’t anymore she can take away from him.


Your friend is going about this very much the wrong way. That is not her fault since the "professionals" she is working with are not helping her. Can she find a new therapist, one who has experience working with trauma and school refusal?

Kids refuse school because staying home, no matter the consequence, feels "safer" than going to school. He needs a therapist who can create a step by step plan for him to feel safe attending, OR one who can decide that attending school this year is not a reasonable goal given his trauma. Personally, I'd be very concerned that taking away more things from him will lead to further anxiety and depression. He sounds very isolated right now. I'm not sure what you mean by "acting out" but your friend should understand that children with anxiety and depression don't say "I feel anxious and depressed." They show their parents with bad behavior.


+100
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:15     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend lost her husband and their children lost their father. Her son is in a deep depression—self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. Dr prescribed antidepressants which he refused to take. He won’t go to school and won’t leave his room.

She and his dr have decided that intensive short term in patient therapy is needed.



That sounds like the right thing, OP. I wish her and him well.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:14     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a 6th grader who is just refusing to go to school. He has a therapist, a county social worker and is in contact with the school guidance counselor. My friend, his Mom, is a great Mother. He’s had some trauma and is acting out. She has reached out to the team of people who are supposed to be helping her. And so far, no one has been able to give her advice on what to do.

How did you deal with your tween/teen who refused to go to school?

PS- he’s had everything taken away from him-no electronics no toys no friends (as in playing with) and no after school activities or sports. There isn’t anymore she can take away from him.


Your friend is going about this very much the wrong way. That is not her fault since the "professionals" she is working with are not helping her. Can she find a new therapist, one who has experience working with trauma and school refusal?

Kids refuse school because staying home, no matter the consequence, feels "safer" than going to school. He needs a therapist who can create a step by step plan for him to feel safe attending, OR one who can decide that attending school this year is not a reasonable goal given his trauma. Personally, I'd be very concerned that taking away more things from him will lead to further anxiety and depression. He sounds very isolated right now. I'm not sure what you mean by "acting out" but your friend should understand that children with anxiety and depression don't say "I feel anxious and depressed." They show their parents with bad behavior.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:11     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
My girlfriend lost her husband and their children lost their father. Her son is in a deep depression—self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. Dr prescribed antidepressants which he refused to take. He won’t go to school and won’t leave his room.

She and his dr have decided that intensive short term in patient therapy is needed.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:05     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!

Well if the trauma is school-related, his refusal is very logical.

My husband was beaten up at his middle school, and one morning refused to go back. He was in a low-income and rather violent neighborhood, and was being picked on for looking Chinese (actually Vietnamese).

So his mother made up mock paperwork so he could be enrolled in the much safer middle school in the neighboring cluster. They were war refugees at the time and had absolutely no money to move out of their neighborhood.

Years later, here he is with an MD and a PhD.

I hope this boy's issues can be resolved, OP. You're a good friend for helping.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 13:02     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
If he has trauma, taking everything away isn't going to help. Never take away sports. Child needs normal. I would do intensive therapy and homeschool for a few weeks, if possible.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 12:59     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
School refusal is very serious. His therapists should know that and be implementing appropriate strategies.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 12:55     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
I'm no expert, but I'd focus on his recovering from the trauma way before I'd worry about him missing school. Taking away all his stuff just seems cruel.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 12:50     Subject: Re:6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Are his issues severe enough to warrant homebound instruction or an alternative school setting? Here are some of the options that FCPS offers:

https://www.fcps.edu/academics/academic-overview/alternative-and-nontraditional-school-programs/alternative-learning

Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 12:45     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
The principal and asst principal at my kid's school has talked about literally driving to a kid's house to bring them to school- I think they both had stories along those lines, for different reasons, but I don't remember the details. I wonder if something like that would work -- a non-family member showing up on his door and telling him he has to go to school. Or maybe even the police, if the mom can get a friendly, reasonable one who will not actually cart the kid off to jail.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 12:44     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a 6th grader who is just refusing to go to school. He has a therapist, a county social worker and is in contact with the school guidance counselor. My friend, his Mom, is a great Mother. He’s had some trauma and is acting out. She has reached out to the team of people who are supposed to be helping her. And so far, no one has been able to give her advice on what to do.

How did you deal with your tween/teen who refused to go to school?

PS- he’s had everything taken away from him-no electronics no toys no friends (as in playing with) and no after school activities or sports. There isn’t anymore she can take away from him.


Then clearly she needs to look at other strategies than denying him things.

The answer won't be quick to find or implement.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2018 11:48     Subject: 6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!
How do you deal with a 6th grader who is just refusing to go to school. He has a therapist, a county social worker and is in contact with the school guidance counselor. My friend, his Mom, is a great Mother. He’s had some trauma and is acting out. She has reached out to the team of people who are supposed to be helping her. And so far, no one has been able to give her advice on what to do.

How did you deal with your tween/teen who refused to go to school?

PS- he’s had everything taken away from him-no electronics no toys no friends (as in playing with) and no after school activities or sports. There isn’t anymore she can take away from him.