Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:48     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.


Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.


NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.

+1 Nothing is going wrong here, sometimes it just takes a while to find the right match.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:44     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
The downside of your approach is that it's going to take more time to find someone who wants to be exclusive. So you'll have to wait longer and meet more possible partners. But I don't think there's a way around that.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:40     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.


Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.


NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.


Op here. Thanks. I hope that's the case. Part of me is wondering, do I just need to start sleeping with men earlier and without exclusivity and hope it leads to a relationship? But I just don't feel comfortable doing that, either from a health or emotional perspective.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:39     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.


Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.


Just curious here, but can I ask how old you and these guys are? I'm just sort of disheartened for my younger friends that this seems to be par for the course these days.


The guys range in age from 38 to 47. I am forty.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:38     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.


Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.


NP here. You're doing it right, you just haven't met the right men.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:38     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.


Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.


Just curious here, but can I ask how old you and these guys are? I'm just sort of disheartened for my younger friends that this seems to be par for the course these days.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:38     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Back off the fooling around entirely, and wait until they agree to exclusivity.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:37     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are waiting until you’re in the moment to say “no relationship, no sex”, Paradise by the Dashboard Light-style.

I would tell them that up front. Maybe not during the first coffee date, but before you get to heavy fooling around.


Thanks. I state in my dating profiles that I want an LTR, and that I do not want hookups or casual dating that doesn't have potential to lead to a LTR.
I usually tell them my feelings about sex and exclusivity etc between dates three and five.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:36     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.


Op here. More details as summary above isn't quite accurate.

I said I needed it to be exclusive fairly early on. We went on more dates after that, went pretty far physically. But they never agreed to be exclusive but kept trying to get me to sleep with them. When I restated that I needed exclusivity and a relationship, not just casual dating, they bailed within a week.

This has happened with three men. Before these men, I've been in six relationships with men with whom I had sex. All those men actually were the ones who raised exclusivity and the relationship just sort of developed. Now I feel like all the men I am meeting just want to sleep with me right away, don't want exclusivity, want to keep things very casual, and are very entitled to sleep with me despite any sort of commitment.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:35     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
It sounds like you are waiting until you’re in the moment to say “no relationship, no sex”, Paradise by the Dashboard Light-style.

I would tell them that up front. Maybe not during the first coffee date, but before you get to heavy fooling around.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:30     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:What do you mean, that hasn't worked?


I mean, we dated for a while, fooled around heavily, and they were pushing me to have sex with them. When I told them that if I slept with them I would want us to be exclusive and in a relationship (not just going on dates and having sex a few times a month), they bailed.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:27     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
What do you mean, that hasn't worked?
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:26     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Anonymous wrote:The best way is to wait until a relationship is exclusive. I do, and typically the men who are worth it aren’t put off by that.


Thanks. That's what I've always done. But the last couple guys I've dated, that hasn't worked. Can you share how you approach or handle it?
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:19     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
The best way is to wait until a relationship is exclusive. I do, and typically the men who are worth it aren’t put off by that.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2018 17:16     Subject: If you are only comfortable having sex in an exclusive relationship.....
Woman here. High libido, love sex.....but only within in the context of an exclusive relationship. Don't feel comfortable casually sleeping with someone.

What's the best way to approach and achieve that when dating?