Anonymous
03/25/2018 18:57
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Anonymous wrote:What kind of affair, how long, why? Did she confess first or did he find out some other way?
In the scheme of life, monogamy can be hard and people can stumble. It’s possible for them to work through it and put it behind them. Does he think he can forgive her?
+1
Anonymous
03/25/2018 18:39
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Don't put a ring on a hoe
Anonymous
03/25/2018 18:33
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell him to lawyer up and divorce her. Insist on at least 50/50 custody. Get evidence of adultery so he can avoid alimony.
That may or may not happen. A lot of judges don't give a crap about infidelity anymore. They will make you do right by the kids.
I said alimony, not child support. In any event it does not hurt to be fully prepared for war.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 18:32
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
What kind of affair, how long, why? Did she confess first or did he find out some other way?
In the scheme of life, monogamy can be hard and people can stumble. It’s possible for them to work through it and put it behind them. Does he think he can forgive her?
In the scheme of life, monogamy can be hard and people can stumble. It’s possible for them to work through it and put it behind them. Does he think he can forgive her?
Anonymous
03/25/2018 18:08
Subject: Re:My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Get evidence
Require her to got to individual counseling to figure out why she has hugely maladaptive behavior that puts her children's emotional well being in jepordy.
Get a consult from an attorney and move forward knowing, most likely, this will end in divorce. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
If she does not work she needs to get a job.
Do the 180 ... google it. 180 after affairs
Require her to got to individual counseling to figure out why she has hugely maladaptive behavior that puts her children's emotional well being in jepordy.
Get a consult from an attorney and move forward knowing, most likely, this will end in divorce. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.
If she does not work she needs to get a job.
Do the 180 ... google it. 180 after affairs
Anonymous
03/25/2018 17:43
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Tell both of them the kids should come first.
Try to work it out for the kids.
+1
+2
Anonymous
03/25/2018 17:34
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Anonymous wrote:Tell him to lawyer up and divorce her. Insist on at least 50/50 custody. Get evidence of adultery so he can avoid alimony.
That may or may not happen. A lot of judges don't give a crap about infidelity anymore. They will make you do right by the kids.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:56
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Anonymous wrote:Get a lawyer as soon as possible. Good guys don’t finish first.
+1 Lawyer up!
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:55
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Tell him to lawyer up and divorce her. Insist on at least 50/50 custody. Get evidence of adultery so he can avoid alimony.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:47
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Anonymous wrote:Tell both of them the kids should come first.
Try to work it out for the kids.
+1
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:41
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Get a lawyer as soon as possible. Good guys don’t finish first.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:36
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Tell both of them the kids should come first.
Try to work it out for the kids.
Try to work it out for the kids.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:12
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
Here is what I wish people said to me:
1) There is nothing you did or didn't do that caused this. The problem is in the cheater. Cheating isn't about what kind of sex life you have, whether you've gained what or are good in bed, or whatever. It's about the cheater using and manipulating other human beings (both the spouse and AP) to fill an internal need they have.
2) Normal healthy people solve whatever relationship problems they have thru dialogue and compromise. Your spouse has to be willing to go to individual therapy to explore what their need is, why they chose to solve it by lying to loved ones and what they can do now to be honest about their needs, negotiate transparently and make amends for their betrayal/abuse.
3) The victim spouse also has to go to individual counseling and see an attorney. The purpose of individual counseling is to learn why people have affairs and what is reasonable to expect from the perpetrator spouse if the relationship is to continue (cut off all contact with AP< full disclosure of whatever victim spouse wants to know, ongoing transparency and ongoing amends). The purpose of the attorney is, obviously, to figure out what a likely custody, child support and asset split would be and to gather necessary documents.
4) If it were me, I'd advise seeking a post-nuptial. Attorneys might argue how enforceable they are, but I do think they have the effect of clarifying for the perpetrator spouse exactly what is at stake if they continue with the current AP or seek new ones.
1) There is nothing you did or didn't do that caused this. The problem is in the cheater. Cheating isn't about what kind of sex life you have, whether you've gained what or are good in bed, or whatever. It's about the cheater using and manipulating other human beings (both the spouse and AP) to fill an internal need they have.
2) Normal healthy people solve whatever relationship problems they have thru dialogue and compromise. Your spouse has to be willing to go to individual therapy to explore what their need is, why they chose to solve it by lying to loved ones and what they can do now to be honest about their needs, negotiate transparently and make amends for their betrayal/abuse.
3) The victim spouse also has to go to individual counseling and see an attorney. The purpose of individual counseling is to learn why people have affairs and what is reasonable to expect from the perpetrator spouse if the relationship is to continue (cut off all contact with AP< full disclosure of whatever victim spouse wants to know, ongoing transparency and ongoing amends). The purpose of the attorney is, obviously, to figure out what a likely custody, child support and asset split would be and to gather necessary documents.
4) If it were me, I'd advise seeking a post-nuptial. Attorneys might argue how enforceable they are, but I do think they have the effect of clarifying for the perpetrator spouse exactly what is at stake if they continue with the current AP or seek new ones.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 16:02
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
I would follow his lead and talk about it if he brings it up but I wouldn't be the one to mention it or bringi it up first during every call. I think the key is showing him you won't think less of him or be judgmental if he decided to stay.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 15:49
Subject: My brother’s wife is having an affair....
He just confided in me today and we talked for a while. He wanted my perspective because my ex also cheated. The stakes are much higher for him as they’ve been together over 20 years and have kids who are in middle school.
He’s asked for my advice and I did the best I could but also told him that I would be there for all of them no matter what they choose.
Does anyone have any advice they can offer about how I can support him through this tough patch? What are some things that you’ve said to people in the past that has helped?
He’s asked for my advice and I did the best I could but also told him that I would be there for all of them no matter what they choose.
Does anyone have any advice they can offer about how I can support him through this tough patch? What are some things that you’ve said to people in the past that has helped?