This is a common problem, but it is usually a sibling helping themselves to the lions share of a family estate. Your uncle feels like it was a way to pay your sister for her help. You should think of it as PAYMENT not inheritance. He paid her for her time with a house. She did not give her help for free, it was a transaction. You may feel less resentment if you remind yourself that the house was her payment.

Wow, OP. PP is right - she upended her life to care for your aunt and uncle. And your mother is right - it's not her place. You are flat-out wrong.

If the house is special to you, you should be happy it’s still in the family. Does it make it more special to you if it’s on your balance sheet?

Nothing is fair, OP. It's ok to be sad about it.

But please don't be mad at your sister over it. Really, what were the alternatives? You say you couldn't live in the house. Ok, so you wanted to share the financial benefit? How would that work? If he left it equally to all three of you, would your sister still live there? Would you expect her to buy you and your brother out on order to continue living there? If not, how do you actually gain financially from owning 1/3 of it? If she couldn't afford to buy you out, would the house be sold and you three split the proceeds? If it's emotional value that you care about, why would that be any better than your sister living there?

Please try to believe that your uncle was trying to do the right thing ... The same thing his parents did for him. Sharing a property between siblings doesn't always work out well. He thought it best to leave it to one person, who happens to be at a station in life where she could use the help, and who also has been carrying for him. At least that way it stays in the family.

They probably didn't mention it because they felt awkward and didn't know how to bring it up. So at least now it's out on the table. So go ahead and mourn the fact that it won't be yours, and even tell your sister that you're sad about being left out. But if you hold this against her, you'll lose a sister in addition to losing the house.

Anonymous wrote:My aunt left everything to her husband. So it was my uncle's house - and he signed it over to my sister. I get that he wants her to live there and take care of the house (and him). I am not upset at him really for this as I get it. I just wish my sister had shared the process with my brother and me.

My father passed away 25 years ago. My mother lives in the same state as my sister and brother and has remained very close to my dad's family - she and my aunt were like sisters. My mom has chosen to stay out of it in terms of talking with me about it. She has been aware of all that has been going on - and did not share with me because if anyone asks her to not talk about something she won't. I have expressed my anger and frustration to her and asked why she didn't advocate for my brother and I - and she said it wasn't her place.

Your mom is right.

Don't let greed cloud reason and family relationships OP.

I think you need to stop thinking of it as your grandparents’ house that was given to her and view it as your uncle gave his house to her. She took care of your aunt and is taking care of your uncle.

I can understand being upset at the situation but not directly at your sister. That is a financial gain that your sister is getting in the long run, if and when she sells. But she is not getting any money from it immediately, besides not having to pay rent or mortgage. And she did, and will continue to, take care if ailing family members. That is worth a lot in eyes.

Anonymous wrote:She took care of your dying aunt and is now taking care of your uncle. She deserves it. You have a house, she does not.

+1

She upended her life to care for them, OP.

My aunt left everything to her husband. So it was my uncle's house - and he signed it over to my sister. I get that he wants her to live there and take care of the house (and him). I am not upset at him really for this as I get it. I just wish my sister had shared the process with my brother and me.

My father passed away 25 years ago. My mother lives in the same state as my sister and brother and has remained very close to my dad's family - she and my aunt were like sisters. My mom has chosen to stay out of it in terms of talking with me about it. She has been aware of all that has been going on - and did not share with me because if anyone asks her to not talk about something she won't. I have expressed my anger and frustration to her and asked why she didn't advocate for my brother and I - and she said it wasn't her place.

I don’t think it’s fair OP.

You should be thanking your sister for taking care of your aunt while she was dying. You can't live in the house. She can. It makes sense to leave the family house to the person who lives there. You just want the money.

Let this go.

She took care of your dying aunt and is now taking care of your uncle. She deserves it. You have a house, she does not.

I am sympathetic, OP. To help you get over your anger, you must remember that life isn't fair, and most importantly, you are not owed anything. Harsh, but true. Entitlement is making you angry.

Technical question: what does the will say?

Morbid curiosity question: where are your parents in this scenario?

I am trying to work through my anger at my sister and thought maybe some new perspectives might help. My uncle (married to my paternal aunt) recently signed our grandparents'/his house over to my sister - none of this was openly discussed with my brother or me. I think my sister should have openly discussed this and we should have come together as a family as it was the house our grandparents built. She thinks it was my uncle's choice and there was nothing she could do about it. She and her newlywed husband will be moving in soon. They were renting before and this will be their home now with my uncle still living there with them.

Background - my paternal grandfather and grandmother built a house in the 1970s when they retired. They have both since passed. My dad's sister and her husband lived in the house since the mid-1990's (my father and his brother both passed away young). They moved in to take care of my ailing grandfather and have lived there ever since. My aunt and uncle have no children - my brother, sister and I are the only grandchildren.

My aunt worked hard as a social worker and my uncle is an artist who used to do carpentry but has not worked in a traditional job for the past 20 years. They (mostly my aunt) kept the house in beautiful shape and the neighborhood has become quite popular. My brother lives in the same state - but is not super involved in our side of the family (spends more time with his wife's family). He and my uncle are not close. My then single sister moved back to the state from NYC (where she had lived for 15 years) when my aunt was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. She moved in with my aunt and uncle and helped out a lot as my aunt was sick and passed away. My uncle and sister are close - as I said she lived with them while my aunt was dying and stayed after for a few months until she moved in with her fiance- now husband (it was a whirlwind romance/elopement). I live in DC area with my husband and two kids. My aunt and I were very close and I have always gotten along with my uncle. The house is special to me as I had lived there in high school with my grandfather - had my high school graduation party there, had my wedding reception there, and spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle when I lived in the state ( I moved away about 8 years ago).

I understand that I could not live in the house - and I understand that it makes sense that my sister live there. But - why not share the financial benefits of the house with my brother and I? OUr family is not wealthy and this is one clear family inheritance. Why is it now just her house? Am I being selfish? At the heart of it is that it was all done without talking to me or my brother about it. She called to talk about which wine glasses or dinnerware I wanted and I found out that way that my uncle had already signed the house over to her. I know I need to get past this for our relationship - any advice on how to do so?