Anonymous wrote:I’ve given up on tactful, and now do blunt. “You smell bad. When was the last time you showered”. “You have to use soap and deodorant, you smell terrible”. “Kids are going to make fun of you if you leave the house wearing the same shirt you wore yesterday”.

Gentle, subtle, providing guidance and reminders? Not getting through. So now it’s— you smell terrible. You cannot do that to your clarinet teacher. You must shower before we leave”.

I’m out of kind, gentle ways to deal with this. My rationalization is that it’s better at tell him he stinks than his friends. But, maybe I’m just setting him up for years of therapy.

Trust me, if you don't do those things he will be set-up for therapy. I speak from personal experience.

Parents!!! Tell your kids they stink\have acne\ect and then fix the problem. The alternative to not doing those things is pretty bleak.

I’ve given up on tactful, and now do blunt. “You smell bad. When was the last time you showered”. “You have to use soap and deodorant, you smell terrible”. “Kids are going to make fun of you if you leave the house wearing the same shirt you wore yesterday”.

Gentle, subtle, providing guidance and reminders? Not getting through. So now it’s— you smell terrible. You cannot do that to your clarinet teacher. You must shower before we leave”.

I’m out of kind, gentle ways to deal with this. My rationalization is that it’s better at tell him he stinks than his friends. But, maybe I’m just setting him up for years of therapy.

My DD who is several years older than my DS (13) has given him the talk about "what girls like" in terms of hygiene and coming from her it has proved to be more effective than from parents. He became pretty rough looking - acne, dandruff, braces, eyeglasses, peach fuzz, gray skin, stinky feet - almost overnight around a year back, and then he straightened out quite a bit.

1) Dental hygiene - no one likes stinky breathe or yellow plaque covered teeth or tongue. He has taken to brushing twice, water piking frequently, using a tongue cleaner and using Listerine.
2) No dandruff - it is terrible to see flakes on your shoulders. DS uses anti-dandruff shampoo and good mild conditioner. Learn how to correctly use shampoo (use on scalp) and conditioner (use on hair). He has also learned to use a seperate towel for his hair and to not let water from washing his hair run down on his body to prevent bacne.
3) Bacne - yup this is a thing. teens get acne on chest, shoulders and back. Probably not kids on swim team (all the chlorine kills off the bacteria?). Anyhow, bacne gets treated with a mild scrub, clean cotton t-shirts and epiduo at night.
4) Acne - He has a skin care routine now - cleansing, moisturizing, sun protection, epiduo (derm recommended) for his face. Coconut oil all over his body before a shower. A whole lot of improvement in his skin overall. No more rough, graying skin on his elbows, knees and knuckles.
5) Nail clipping and hand care - clips nails and uses a file to smoothen out the edges (in the bathroom no less). No one likes chewed up cuticles or dirty long nails. Uses a hand-cream so that he does not have peeling cuticles anymore.
6) Peach fuzz - does not suit most teens. He shaves it off every two or three weeks. If you have facial hair and it does not look that great on you - shave it off.
7) Feet/Shoes/Socks - No stinky feet, clean regularly, inspect for ingrown nails and foot fungus. Use shoe deodorizing spray if your shoes smell as if a rodent has died in them.
8) Lips - chap-stick. Flaky, raw lips (especially for kids who wear braces) does not look good.
9) Smell - Nice clean smell. Could be the soap, could be cologne. DS adds cologne to outerwear - coats, jackets, hoodies, caps - rather than his skin
10) Deodorant - Necessity. Does not use anti-antiperspirant but does use a deo - every single day. MS and HS halls reeks of teen - so please have mercy on the teachers who have to teach them.
11) Clothes/backpacks/shoes/lunchbox/caps/gloves/gym stuff - all need a periodic run through the washing machine. Clean is not overrated. Dirty, grimy backpacks, gym uniforms is not cool.
12) Hand sanitizer/tissues/wet wipes - clip on or carry some. wetwipes also come in individual packs. Stash some in the backpacks and lunch boxes.
13) Wind instruments - Ugh! Clean these things that you blow into.
14) Contacts/Eyewear - Clean regularly.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old boy. I'm here to tell you, it only gets worse. I'm talking about their hygiene. Them not wanting to get their haircut, not brushing their teeth, not taking care of their contact lenses if they wear them, lax abput shaving, etc etc etc. I'm assuming it eventually gets better (my DH has very good hygiene), maybe when he has a girlfriend, and then I'll have other things to worry about!

I honestly wouldn't let my children wear contacts if they couldn't take care of them. Don't want to risk hurting their eyes.

How do you "parent" for 15 years and not know how to handle this?

Anonymous wrote:I have a 15 year old boy. I'm here to tell you, it only gets worse. I'm talking about their hygiene. Them not wanting to get their haircut, not brushing their teeth, not taking care of their contact lenses if they wear them, lax abput shaving, etc etc etc. I'm assuming it eventually gets better (my DH has very good hygiene), maybe when he has a girlfriend, and then I'll have other things to worry about!

So true. And, as a mom of a college kid, yes it gets better. As a mom of a 15 year old boy, I am just so jealous that some of your kids initiate cutting their fingernails.

I have a 15 year old boy. I'm here to tell you, it only gets worse. I'm talking about their hygiene. Them not wanting to get their haircut, not brushing their teeth, not taking care of their contact lenses if they wear them, lax abput shaving, etc etc etc. I'm assuming it eventually gets better (my DH has very good hygiene), maybe when he has a girlfriend, and then I'll have other things to worry about!

Anonymous wrote:My 13 y/o DS thinks it's appropriate to CLIP HIS NAILS WHILE EATING BREAKFAST. Obviously I tell him to stop when I see it but does anyone have any suggestions for helping him learn to respect hygiene a little more???

At least he does it in his own home. I was a chick fil a the other day and someone was cutting her nails sitting in a booth waiting for to go food and just leaving the nails on the ground.

Tell him that girls don't like boys who spend all their time on video games and clip nails at the table (I just assumed you also have the first problem).

Anonymous wrote:Blunt not bored lol

Ha! Though I'm sure after three you're bored with it

But I agree - it took me a while to learn how to talk to my BF's teenage son. I used to correct him and over-describe why he should or shouldn't do something ... I'd get the glazed look almost everytime and nothing was sinking in. Almost the moment I started getting straght to the point, his behavior started to change.

Blunt not bored lol

Tell him bluntly to not do it at the table and to do it privately and throw away the clippings. You have to be super bored with teen boys. I know I had three of them.

I once told my EXDH to please not clip his fingernails at the table where we were all sitting and his mom jumped in, "well at least he is putting it in the glass and not on the floor."

You don't want to be that MIL. Tell him to take that shit to the bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:My 13 y/o DS thinks it's appropriate to CLIP HIS NAILS WHILE EATING BREAKFAST. Obviously I tell him to stop when I see it but does anyone have any suggestions for helping him learn to respect hygiene a little more???

This is really simple. Hygiene tasks are done in the bathroom. No exceptions.

My 13 y/o DS thinks it's appropriate to CLIP HIS NAILS WHILE EATING BREAKFAST. Obviously I tell him to stop when I see it but does anyone have any suggestions for helping him learn to respect hygiene a little more???